The Hidden Fountain

Read on to life!

2010-11-03T23:29:00.007+01:00

My first post in a long while. God bless all who read this!

I'm now located in Gibraltar with my new wife (our first anniversary is coming up a the end of this month) and we're enjoying settling into our first little place of our own, as we work and help to minister in the Cityline Church here.

One of the things we've started as a church is a daily Bible reading plan, two chapters a day, moving chronologically through the Bible, and doing related group studies weekly. (It should take us about a year and a half to finish).

It's a wonderful, though sometimes challenging, experience to be part of a very small but tight-knit group of believers. Having begun this process of Bible reading one lesson that must quickly be learned is that if we do not encourage one another and visit with one another (even telephonically - is that a word?) there is no Christian and no group that will not suffer. As such, I wrote this encouragement as I sent out the second, bi-monthly reading plan. If anyone wants to join in you're more than welcome, but whatever you're reading, I want to encourage you to keep on at it no matter what. Even right at the beginning of the Church, the apostles had to exhort the churches to be in the word and faithful to it. We have all learned from life that whenever we are physically tired or drained everything else gets so much harder, even emotionally and mentally. So too, if we do not nourish ourselves and exercise ourselves in the word, we get spiritually drained and then sin comes so much easier to us. Christ is always there to pick us up, but oh the frustration and discouragement we go through! Repeated failure has to be one of the most common and most powerful of spiritual discouragements and sources of depression. Many times, however, repeated failure comes from a lack of adherence to a discipline or correction we already know or have just learned. It's like being brought by the elevator of life to the top of a cliff and finding that the next step is a jump to a new cliff. Unable to move back and afraid or unwilling to move forward we fall down. Getting up again we are soon returned to the same point but, whether for the same reason or a different one, we fall again. We will continue falling until we either make the leap to new ground.

Move on Christian! Further on, further up! (To steal a phrase from CS Lewis). What does it matter if a man loses the whole world but gains his soul? Cut off whatever sins hold you back, throw away whatever hides in your pocket close to your heart, leave behind the burden, and leap forward. Choose Christ, obey, and grow in discipline and holiness and faith. As it says in His word, "For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do." (Hebrews 6:10)

Engage His word, fill yourself up with it. Reject whatever thing consumes your time with Him and offer your time to Him once again as a holy gift, preserved and heartfelt.

And now let me remind you of the sweet taste of the divine waters of the word, and its life giving, youth-restoring power!

Psalm 19 gives us some of the benefits experienced by those who diligently read God's word:
"7 The law of the LORD is perfect,

refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
and all of them are righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
11 By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

Psalm 119 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path."
Then again it says, " 111I have inherited Your testimonies forever,
For they are the joy of my heart.
112I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes
Forever, even to the end."

The rewards of studying the words and teachings of the perfect, loving God, the Creator and Father are many. There is much reward to be found in seeking Him through them.
Jesus gave this parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." Matt 13:44

What would any man do after buying that field? Would he not return to it and work hard to dig out out the treasure and then put it somewhere safe, and treasure it always? Now compare that verse with this, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." Prov. 25:2

God has called us kings and princes, and indeed, as co-heirs with Christ we are exactly that. Noble princes and princesses of God, sons and daughter, made noble by God. Now the Kingdom of Heaven is more than just the Bible, but the Bible - the words and teachings of God - are a part of God's Kingdom. As such, the task of digging into it, and also selling what we have that we may buy it, are a part of our relationship with God through His word.

It costs us to read. All of us. He set it up that way for a reason. The word of God is a great treasure, with more to be discovered than the greatest minds can perceive and yet with simple beauty that the simplest of us can enjoy and benefit from.

Yet, despite all of the great benefits which we receive from devoting ourselves to regular reading and study of God's word, the greatest treasure of pursued Bible reading and study is this:

This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds
and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
No longer will they teach their neighbor,
or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest.
For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:10-12)

The first and most important worth of Scripture, (and without this everything else is worthless) is to introduce us to, and help us to know, God. What we will find is that all of the things we have found beautiful and loved were crafted in His hands and that He is the source of all life and love and beauty. At the end of it all, we will find that the greatest treasure of all is Him.
It is a mystery, a beautiful, wonderful mystery, and one upon which we embark every time we enter His word.

Will you choose to buy Him through His word and with our time, and with our pursuit of Him and obedience to His instruction?

I pray God's blessings on you as you continue to enter His word, and that He would reveal Himself, and deep truth, to you as continue deeper into it. It is an adventure many have taken before, and many are taking with you now, in these days. It begins now and it never ends, with Him.

Remember, in the mid-1800's a great man named JC Ryle wrote this, "There is more Bible buying, Bible selling, Bible printing and Bible distributing than ever before in our nation. We see Bibles in every bookstore; Bibles of every size, price and style. There are Bibles in almost every house in the land. But all this time I fear we are in danger of forgetting that to HAVE the Bible is one thing, and to READ it quite another." ( Practical Religion, JC Ryle) The 1800's! The challenges we face in our lives now, today, in reading the Bible, in praying, and living the true Christian life, are exactly the same as those faced by those who have gone before us. Never believe the lie you are alone. You are not. You are one more, of many Christians, running the hard fought race, and earning the crown that will never be destroyed.

Fight on Christian soldiers! Fight on my brother! Live on! Love on! Believe on! Pray on! Persevere! The finish line is nearer than you think! And Christ, who gave and suffered all to have us and be with us, will not now fail to draw near to bear us forward. Only trust Him, lean upon Him, when weak or without sight or understanding, trust on! And He will bear you to the victory line just as sure as we are weak and heavy, He is strong, and He cannot deny Himself, for He has committed Himself to us and is faithful and true!

So press on through everything and persevere, and let His word enrich you and fill you fully - heart and mind and spiritual stomach. It is the nourishment we need to run the race. Read on! Fight on! Love on! Forgive on! And know that He is with you and preparing a place for you! For this is no our home. And without the Word, we might occasionally feel that it is not, but we would never know that one awaits us. Read on! Seek on! And I will see you there!

"Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.
He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Saviour.
Such is the generation of those who seek Him, who seek Your face, O God of Jacob."

Standing Still

2006-09-13T06:41:00.000+02:00

Where are you heading...and are you leaving today or tomorrow?

Still facing some of the biggest decisions I've had to make in my life I've been lead to think a lot about the eternal purposes of God. The more and more my life has opened up and I've looked at options before me the more and more I find that the only things that matter are those thing that are going to last forever. The Kingdom of God - that which is coming and that which God is making at this very time in and through each and every day - seems be the thing with which we, who are seeking to follow God, should concern ourselves most. Certainly, as I look and seek to choose a path for myself I find that the bigger the question or possibility before me the more I must weigh it in the light of eternity and the service of the Kingdom.

It's been a difficult process and I hardly feel able to comment having not yet come to a final decision with all that is before me. I wanted to share something that has made itself very evident to me. God is on the move. This isn't some attempt at prophecy nor do I mean it as a cliche statement. It's nothing new. Yet it's something that I think sometimes we forget. Sometimes I think we look at our lives and all that's going on, we think about our plans and where we are going, we think maybe about the world, and we think of God as an observer watching us move along before Him and eager to get involved. Yet the truth is that whether our lives seem to be in a whirlwind or seem to be going nowhere, there is no-one who is moving or acting as much or as fast as God.

The first time we see God is in Genesis, hovering, brooding, preparing, right before He launches into creation, and He hasn't stopped acting or moving since. 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 teaches us that the purpose of God on Earth has been our reconciliation to Him. It has been His purpose through history, is His purpose every day we live on Earth and will not be complete until we rest with Him in eternity beyond this Earth. God is moving, He has plans laid out and nothing can interfere with these, although He gives each of us the option to be involved with Him in them; to take part in His creation of eternity.

It's an amazing thought, and as I said, with my having been stood still in this one spot for such a long time the truth of living for the eternal has begun to glow brighter and brighter before me until it began to glare. As we stand and each day passes so the purposes of God roll on. He works in every life that exists upon this Earth, and no doubt also in governments and actions spanning generations, defying human memory and beyond any human mind. Each day we rise to greet a new morning and watch another day come and another day go. As Christians what are we doing with this time and what are the meditations of our hearts? Are we standing still, are we moving in circles. Are our hearts full of plans and desires so that whilst we acknowledge God and try to seek Him we do not consider the movement of His plans or our place in them? I have come to realise that my life may be still, but God's is not. I could vanish from this Earth tomorrow and God could erase every memory of me, and His purposes will stand - with or without me.

Often times I've imagined great things for my life, thought big ideas and dreamed great dreams, dreams of being woven into the plans of God but it occurs to me, and I've heard it before in Oswald Chambers, that we wait for the great things to come at the peril of today. Oswald's reading for September 10th speaks something to this. My whole life, all the ministry I will ever be able to do is that which is before me today. I can think of how I might encourage many in far away places or in the setting of some church or other, yet those are just possibilities that don't exist yet. They are fancies compared to the real people and opportunities I have around me today. Certainly God prepares things for us to do and will no doubt bring the future things to pass yet the only doorway I have to the future is today. I can and will never get to the plans of tomorrow if I am standing still today, or moving with consideration of Him.

There's more on this that I want to write but rather than open up another can of worms right now I think I want to keep the point simple. As Christians we cannot now ignore the reality which has been opened up to us. We cannot relegate the truth of eternity to the realm of future fantasy as though we will reach it eventually but we can forget about it because it has no bearing upon how things are now. Nor can we acknowledge the reality that eternity is in progress working and being created now, and continue to live according to the boundaries and values the rest of the world uses, leaving our life or actions unaltered, undevoted.

I want to encourage every Christian to truly consider the revelations and the lessons of the Gospel and the realisation that we can spend our lives doing many things but only God's Kingdom will remain. All other kingdoms, all other empires and establishments, lines and families will come to an end. It's a stunning truth but I believe it's a truth nevertheless, that the only thing worth devoting our lives to is God and His service, if we don't devote ourselves to that then we may as well not devote ourselves to anything at all - the time may pass quicker but the end result will be the same.

So it is I find that each day I come to the Lord and I find hope. Whatever the past, however blank the future appears to be, I know that my God is in the present and He is moving, moving fast and with great purpose, and each day He beckons me to join Him on His ride through time; to go with Him on this eternal adventure. I have to choose fast, because the day passes quickly and before I know it I could find another one wasted. If it does end up that way, at whatever point I come to my senses He is always everywhere and always ready to take me onboard, but I don't have to waste it. That first day might not be spectacular or all that I dreamed I might ever do but it is the doorway to the future, the first step into the great plans of God. Each morning I know that I have a choice, and having realised that and knowing that there is nothing else I step up and each day I make that choice, I ask Him, "Lord, on this day, whether tomorrow comes or not, weave me into Your plan." From then on I keep my ear to the ground, seek to live intentionally for the purposes of God and spend whatever time I can with Him or seeking Him.

My God is good, and I have decisions to make, as do we all. As for me, I will surrender my circling to the Lord and choose Him, what about you?

God bless,

G.

Roads and Red Tides

2006-08-08T02:42:00.000+02:00

Robert Frost (1874-1963)

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

For almost two years now I've stood at a crossroads. Partly coming from circumstance and shifting situations, yet I know that God is there too. During this time my life has come to a halt. Working has ceased, my routine has crumbled down to the bottom line - leaving only what is necessary to move from day to day - and though sometimes others call me over to help them with something on their path, when I return to my own those here I am.

I’ve been here now for what feels like a very long time. For these two years all my journeying has been inward not outward. Who I am inside has been moving on or shuffling round but my feet have not budged. I see so much darkness inside, at times I feel as though I will never get anywhere I desired, that I am destined to be stuck in a cave away from everyone else. I wonder, “How far was Gollum before he couldn't come back?” I’m always wrestling though because I can't give up - even if I'm not sure I'll win. Always pondering too about that outward decision and which path to take. Sometimes it feels as if I'll never take either and will be stuck here forever. Is this how it was supposed to be?

I look at myself and wonder who I've become. Perhaps this is who I've always been only now the curtain is pushed back, the uniform is off, and here is what has always lied beneath, certainly I am not now where or who I thought I would be. So I look back to try to find myself, to try to find some anchoring truth to help me decide, to help me move on dependable ground, to make the right decision even if it isn't the easiest.

The story wouldn't be complete, however, if I didn't mention there wasn't hope. Though I see much darkness now and the curtain is removed yet is this not a necessary step? Better to have the curtain pulled back and begin the long road to restoration than wander around concealed, even to myself, and never know the truth or have integrity. That is one of my greatest desires, to be sound, to be integrity. I suppose it is a part of the Truth which I value so much, more than anything. Truth in reason, truth in knowing, truth in being, even my own being. I want to be true.

Therefore, seeing reality is a part of that, yet that reality now battles with the other desire within me - to be good. At times I want to be good so much that I am willing to sacrifice truth that I may have it - at least - the appearance of it. It can't last though because reality…is. What's more, my desire for truth will not let me rest like that.

Truth and goodness, they keep me moving on. Though sometimes reality dictates the pace and, oh, how slow it has often seemed, especially now, especially recently.

So here I am sat at that crossroads with my chest pulled apart and looking into my own heart. So much of it has been blacker than I imagined, and how surprisingly mysterious. Yet the truth is that it is not all black. The goodness wasn't all a veil. Some of it is red. Some deep red, and I think, just maybe, the black is in parts becoming red too. I think it's getting better.

Seeing that makes me think of something else that's true - it lifts my eyes to a truth that sometimes I've forgotten but when I remember it, I know there's hope and it gives me joy. The reason I know that there is red, there reason I know it has gotten redder, is because of the Blood.

In all my failings, in all my worthlessness and lack of direction I am truly pitiful and barely a man. I am a small tiny drop in an ocean of generations. Years go by, men live and die and are born. Nations and ages pass. Rules and rulers, customs and accomplishments, and I so small in all of this, in that perspective. Yet, that perspective which is true also shows something else, that over all of this, while I am small, yet it is great. As small as I am in the face of all these things, He and it, are great, even more so.

Jars of Clay wrote a song - Jesus' blood never failed me yet.

I search for truth and I am finding it. I search for goodness and I have found it lacking and I despair. Oh, but then I see the redness and I look and I see the blood, and I know that it is coming. More and more. Above and beyond all things I have given myself to it before and so now I am bound to it and I know that His crimson tide will wash over me, and just as nothing else can stand in its way, nor can I.

So I sit here still, not knowing how things will end up, still having to make a decision, still being who I am, but it all seems less now for in my heart there is a little light, a light of hope, and it wont go out.

God bless,

G.

1 Corinthians 4:2-5

A Piece Of Me: Aged 26

2006-07-10T20:27:00.000+02:00

Well, whilst normally I like to write things that might be uplifting, encouraging, challenging or perhaps instructive it occurs to me that life here on this black page can go from day to day and show you the things I'm thinking and what might be going on or coming from my heart but may not always give a sense of the routines and happenings that we all go through in life here on earth. So it is I thought I'd just jump in and say, it was my birthday on Saturday. July 8th.

That's one of those special days for me. One I look forward to. When I was in school a lot of my friends would miss my birthday because we'd be into the summer holidays. Still, that did mean that the friends who lived closest to me and I could be certain that we'd be free to do something that day - assuming they weren't away. We could go play out on the street maybe handball or football (soccer) or something, or perhaps go up to the park or something. Or of course there were those silly party games which are still a favourite! These days in Tucson July means the 'monsoons' which I always enjoy, but not so much the good old fun of having your friends around to a party for which you had sent out cool little invitations to which they might have had to reply.

So I'm now officially listed one year older than I was a few days ago. My last birthday was a big one because on a run shortly after I had this sense, for the first time in my life that I was really now a man. That might sound a bit cheesy but there's a distinct difference when you go from feeling like a boy or a 'young man' to a man in your own right, and that happened for me last year. This one just now seemed to cement that a in, one year deeper. More and more I look forward to things God has planned, and to getting to work for Him in whichever way He chooses. Reading the biographies of men like Chambers, Taylor and others, I see their lives put to good use and I long for mine to follow that path also. Truly it is our lives are what we do with them, and I recall a lesson from Chambers who pinpoints, "Will is the whole man active. I cannot give up my will, I must exercise it. I must will to obey, and I must will to receive God's Spirit."

Here is a day oh Lord, here is my life oh Lord, but I'm not going to just sit on it, I'm going to choose to pursue you and your word, to fill myself and my time with them, and I look forward to see what becomes.

God bless.

A Piece Of Me: Aged 10

2006-07-06T22:59:00.000+02:00

Whilst updating my CD, book and website listings (check them out) and old paperback came to mind and brought with it some very pleasant memories.

Back when I was in the final year at Castercliff County Primary School, I had the best, most wonderful, idyllic teacher in the young, beautiful and caring Miss Rowley - Miss Honey anyone? :)

Anyway, along with all the care and time she took with me, and no doubt others, one of the memories that sticks out as significant was her institution of an end of day class reading time. She chose a book called 'The Saga of Erik the Viking' - which sounded wonderfully exciting and adventurous and had me in anticipation - and we all sat down as she would read some of it to us when she had time at the end of a day.

Those times I remember fondly and I feel as though it was one of those life shaping times. It strengthened in me the sense of adventure, but also the moral strength of leading characters making good, wise and clever choices. That classic traits of ability, wisdom and wits. The art work in the book was wonderful too. Oh for growing up as a boy with an imagination whisked away to far away lands, and feeling the call and the rush of nobility and greatness. All within oneself, the possibilities were endless. I'm still the same now, the deepest parts of my heart have not changed.

Oh what it is to be true to one's heart. The gift of God.

It is not always easy to be true to that call, to who you are, especially when the ideas and images of the world press upon you. Even harder when it feels as though few around you seem to understand that heart. Making decisions along those lines takes a lot of courage I have learned. It's exciting to consider who you will have proven yourself to be when you make that decision, but still, you have to make it.

Men and women we must be. True, and honest and courageous. What's more, oh the help that can be found in two eyes which when you look into them, you find that same belief and joy looking back.

God bless and check out the book some time.

The Interview Game - Revisited

2006-06-12T00:30:00.000+02:00

About a year ago I was introduced to this blogging game by way of Mr. Dave Rattigan's Grace Pages. Following his post and simple explanation I emailed him telling him I'd be interested to play and soon enough he gave me five questions to answer. I wrote an entry answering those questions, which were mainly about myself, and should any be interested, that entry can still be found as a link on the right side of this page. It turns out though that I never offered the opportunity for interview to anyone else. After some inspiration to introduce the game to some of my friends who blog on MySpace (and there being a lack of anything particularly qualitative on that site) I offered them the chance to play. And now I do the same for you, since this is where it started. The rules and everything else can be found below, as well as the names of the people already playing. I'll take three more interviews, so if you want me to send you five questions, email me ASAP, and they'll be on their way.

God bless,

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The Interview Game

THE RULES
1. Leave me an email, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your blog with my five questions and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

---------------------------------

Players so far:

Lilminnieperk -

1 - Politics - Within our group of friends you stand out on your own as someone 'from the other side'. I know this can be a bit of a pain at times, for various reasons. With regards to this whole world of politics what for you is the true significance of politics and what are the most important considerations to be made?

2 - Music, Movies or Literature - If you could only have one for the rest of your life which would it be and why? Also, which of these do you feel is the most significant in the world today?

3 - Christianity not being something you grew up with what, from your perspective, has been the most awakening revelation of faith and what's the one thing you'd most like to change about the way you see Christianity practised - either near or far.

4 - Do you ever dream about living in another time or another setting? If so, where, when or which?

5 - You've said a few times that you'd like to be able to get to know me a little more deeply. Thank you! What qualities or characteristics do you most appreciate in people, and in particular, in those whom you see, or are seen, as spiritual leaders?
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Mandy - Alright Amanda, sorry for the long delay in getting these questions out to you, I
hope this is worth the wait. :)

1 - Okay, first question to get you warmed up. From where I'm standing two of the biggest aspects of your life are music and the desire to make a difference through politics/national action. Let's say those two things disappeared from your life, what then would be the biggest things left?

2 - Second question. Jon's a really great guy, I admire him a lot and I think it's safe to say that the same is true for you, so I figure here's a chance to brag about him - sorry Jon, but you're a great guy. What things do you admire most about Jon and for what are you most proud of him? Anything else you want to say?

3 - Continuing on to relationship them, since it seems natural. Jon being that great guy and you being you others have talked about your relationship as being exemplary - patient, natural and upright. I haven't heard you talk much about it though, so I'm curious to get your thoughts on the value of romantic relationships in general and what would you say are the most significant aspects to be considered by anyone thinking about relationships? Also, if it varies, what most
do you value in your own relationship?

4 - For the fourth question I want to turn the attention towards Tucson and the girls of Grace. In growing up (both in faith and life) there have been so many different personalities and characters among you, yet you seem to have come together and learned from one another. Who, for you, has been the biggest rolemodel - someone you've aspired after - and also, pick three other girls who have taught you something and explain their affect.

5 - As each of us grow our grace and empathy tend to expand as we learn about frailty and weakness, especially as we learn of, and about, our own. Which struggle would you say you empathise with most and how would you explain the struggle to others that they might also learn to have more understanding and grace for those who suffer with it?

Thanks Amanda, and thanks again for waiting.

God bless.
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Samantha - I'm really glad you signed up to play. Truly.

1 - Only a short while ago you moved to Arlington, Virginia to be with your
wonderful army husband, the ever lovely Stefan. :) There with your new daughter Natalya life for the both of you seems to really have taken off. Your blogs, though an unexpected surprise, have been both encouraging and challenging and you just seem so wonderfully happy it actually makes me smile to see you doing so well. My first question then, is how have things changed for you personally? I think we can all see the some of the outer effects and signs, what we don't see is what is going on inside. So, what's the difference since making this big but undoubtedly good transition?

2 - The second question on my lips is about the future. I know in the past both you and Stefan have thought about missions, but also clerical work. Whilst the focus for both of you right now has been, and will continue to be, on Natlya and setting up life in Arlington, do you guys have any specific plans, hopes or visions for the future? If so...what? :)

3 - Getting back to your blogs and faith, your subjects so far have been 'Fearing the Lord', 'Welcome Affliction' and 'the Holy of Holies'. From where you are now, and having seen what you have of life and all its changes, what one or two things would you speak to those who continue to live life here in Tucson?

4 - Sometimes I feel as if I know you well, other times very little. So what I want to know is, what does it mean to be Samantha Johnson?

5 - Hmm, having just asked that one a similar one has come to mind. My final question is about 'reminders'. Since you've just said what it means to be Samantha Johnson, by way of reminder, what would you say to your family that it means to be a McElroy, what would you say to the other in Tucson that it means to be a 'Gracer', and what would you say to me and Reub that it means to be an Avellano?
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Dave Rattigan -

1 - As soon as I'd written this question for Lilian you came to mind so I'm also going to ask it of you. Music, Movies or Literature - If you could only have one for the rest of your life which would it be and why? Also, which of these do you feel is the most significant in the world today?

2 - Since we left RTC five years ago some amazing developments have taken place in both our lives and I think it would have been hard to imagine that we would be where we are. My question is at the point of our leaving Regents where did you think you would be in the future, and also, where did you think I would be? :)

3 - A gifted and forthright writer, intelligent, informed and thoughtful. You're also funny, caring and dependable. (Not to embarrass you!) Yet what one characteristic do you most wish you had?

4 - I mentioned significant changes. Whilst it undoubtedly began during college you have since then run far off to a more liberal 'station' of beliefs. All of us struggle with pride in our life and faith, how did that struggle feature for you in this transition?

5 - A few years on as someone who has taken up residence in 'the other camp' :) What are some of your current thoughts and feelings on 'right and left', conservative Christianity and your experience? Where do you see the Church headed?
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Lasairiona -

1 – Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

2 – What one thing do you quietly most hope for yourself?

3 – If you could have grown up to become someone different, who would that person be?

4 – What is the hope that Jesus Christ offers you?

5 – Read Hebrews 12 and give it some thought, then comment on it. :)

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Jaclyn - Sorry for the long wait on these, I hope you enjoy them. If I may, I'd like to throw six at you.

1 – You’re a reader, and a writer. Your heart lies firmly surrounded by friends and family but foremost before the throne of the Lord. The love fostered there now spills out through the Spirit to the other people you meet and you desire to reach out to those around the world. These things I believe I know about you, but, since I don’t know all the details of your life, the little things that make up your world – if you’ll allow me the liberty, I’d like to pull you out from that world of yours right now and place you into another. Let’s say it’s completely unfamiliar territory.Describe the setting. Who might someone there learn Jaclyn to be? How might you be? How might you feel? Also, feeling free to bring them in on this one, how might your friends/family describe you in these circumstances? If at all, how do you think you would differ or surprise them?

2 – You love missions. Which well-known, missionary/Christian figure do you most closely compare yourself or aspire to and why?

3 – Family and marriage are two big things that are talked about, admired and exalted in Christian circles throughout the world. There are conferences, ministries and more books than anyone would care to count. However, a life of undivided devotion without marriage, though spoken of by both Christ and Paul, often seems little spoken of or understood in churches. How would you defend and describe that call to those who might not understand it?

4 – In bringing up this interview game, you have made mention of propriety in dealing with this whole thing. Such a thing isn’t too common but was a pleasant surprise. If you don’t mind I’m going to take the liberty of running with that subject and bring up the context of guy/girl behaviour. Give three things you hold in high regard when it comes to relating to the opposite sex. What two things do you think guys should be most careful of in relating to girls, and then what two things should girls most be careful of? Finally, what one thing has been the most useful tool for you in balancing your own behaviour in this regard?

5 – You mention you’re an avid reader, if you could have every person on the planet read one book that is not a specifically Christian book (or the Bible) what would it be and why?

6 – If you could ask me one question in return, what would it be?

Jaclyn has posted and her answers can be found here.

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Dawn - After a long wait, here are your questions...finally! Thanks for waiting.

1 – How has being a mother and a wife affected your perspective on your faith, what do you see now about life and faith and God that you did not before you were married and before you were a mother?

2 – Name one thing you believe your husband deserves more of from the world around him. Now name one thing he deserves more of from you.

3 – What one aspect of your husband do you find that you mostly silently admire, and what aspect of him do you think others miss that you would most like to loudly proclaim in a public setting?

4 – You have a baby son. By the time he is a man in his own right how do you imagine you would like the Church/church to be (assuming the Lord has not made His return!)?

5 - Also considering your baby son. If you could, how would you get the world to change to make things better for him?

6 – It seems that less men are attending church and women are more comfortable there. Some are talking of the feminisation of worship. What's your take on all this and how do you see the roles of men and women in church – what is right, what is wrong, where do you see things going (or needing to go)? Also, what things do you think might need to be done to bring things to where they need to be - what do you think women should expect/prepare themselves to do, and men?

Here Is A Day

2006-05-30T02:13:00.000+02:00

“Here is a day oh Lord….what will you do with it?”

Well it’s been a while again but I’m here and it is good to be able to post. I'm still working on a few longer things and still there are some big things going on but after revisiting this which I transcribed to the computer a bit ago I thought I'd it. God bless.

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This morning was just wonderful. Having taken the dogs out for their morning walk I sat down to get in some time with the Lord and His word and heeded His prompting to go get my notebook. It’s so easy for me to just open my Bible read through a few passages and just leave it at that, without having anything really stick. However, if I grab a pen and a notebook my times in the word take on a whole new atmosphere and aspect. So just as a quickie I highly recommend that when you go to spend some time with God, even if it’s just prayer, take a pen and a notebook and be prepared to write. Now, if I may, I’d like to share a little something from my pen this morning.

“Sitting at the table this morning with the freshness of the morning – the air, the light, the singing of the birds beyond the house – all is bright. I sit here with an open notebook before me and I could write anything. Ah, but not anything will do! … Perhaps even writing will not do!

For I sit here with an open book but also an open day - indeed even an open life. I have no sense about tomorrow or where my life will lead. So open! It is open, I am open – and oh, there is a feeling of joy here with me too. There seems to be a joy intertwined with this business of being at the beginning of something open. Look! Look around. Nothing can be predicted! Anything could happen, anything could be done – yet, it is true; not just anything will do. No, because as I sit here at this table, this morning, the joy in my openness comes from the fact that I am here…waiting. I am waiting for His arrival; waiting for the knock at the door, His stepping into my house.

Hmm…Openness is good because it means that one can be filled. Yet, if one does not have any expectation of being filled, openness can be daunting since it brings a realisation of emptiness. Considering a box, a box is not meant to be always empty. It is a container, designed to contain, to be filled. A box that goes its whole life empty is, literally, unfulfilled. It is a box that missed its calling. Still, it is necessary that there is a time when the box is open and empty, for if it were not – if it were always closed or if it were already full with dust or junk – it could not be filled, it would have to be emptied first. No, there is a proper time for openness and emptiness but that openness must also come with one more thing – expectation, the promise of being filled.

And so, here I am at this table. I have joy and I have expectation – because my life is open and I know it will be filled – for God does not despise an open box. He will have a purpose for it, He will fill it and the excitement is that I know not with what He will fill this day, this life. Perhaps He will fill this notebook, perhaps not. Perhaps He will have me serve a friend or a neighbour or even a stranger. Perhaps He will have me clean or perhaps when He comes He will lead me on to some adventure. Truly, I do not know how He will fill this day, I do not know how He will fill this life but I may have joy because I know when it comes it will be good - I will be satisfied and He will not waste an inch of space but will fill me to the brim.

I am, this day, open, and I am this day, empty. I have emptied out what is inside - some of it is junk and some are my own treasures – that I may be the best box that I can. What’s more, though I do not know when He will come, I will be ready. I will take care of this day and this life so that I will be open. I will not fill it with junk, with meaningless things, for I am a box – and I am open – and though I could be filled with anything, not just anything will do. He is coming, He has many purposes on which He is working, and I do not doubt that in some way or other He will be able to include me - include me in some eternal creation of God!

So here I am at this morning table. The birds are still singing, all things are still bright, the day is open and so am I. I will go now, and listen for His voice and rejoice in my day. When next we meet perhaps we may share the story of how we were filled.”

God bless.

He is Risen!

2006-04-16T22:31:00.000+02:00

He is risen! I shall say it again, He is risen!

What a day! I'm just so full of...well... His Spirit, His joy today that I had to come on here and say something. I want to bear witness that these words are true: God is good. Truly He is loving, and life is found in Him.

When Jesus said that He is the Way the Truth and the Life, He was not lying. If you have never known Him I want to say to you, truly, do not worry about any misgivings you might have about that statement, just take Him at His word and follow Him a while, talk to Him, you will find that He is true. How great it is to be one among the fellowship of the saints!

May the Lord bless all of you on this Easter day and onwards through the year, for the One who died and now is alive is Emmanuel and we will now be in His company forever - never alone! May all temporary emotions and contrary feelings bow before the eternal reality of the truth in Jesus Christ. This day, this Earth, this life shall pass, but He shall not, and because of Him, neither shall we.

Praise be to Him! May we join with the Earth, and with all who send up a song, even if we stand alone in a solitary room, He hears us all, let us praise Him!

That reminds me of something. Of late I've been having something of a Daniel/Jeremiah experience. During my times alone before Him I've found myself standing or kneeling before an open window, and looking up, praising Him. There's something so very different about looking up instead of down in my 'worship'. So many times I begin to focus upon my own sins and my need of Him, but then my worship becomes downward, self-centered, and perhaps, not even worship alone. Yet in looking up there is hope. I see the skies, I see my destiny, and I rejoice.

One such day recently I was before the window, almost out of routine, when in quietness I began to notice some birds singing beyond the house. I could not see them but I could hear them. Alone in the house I had my door open and I then heard that the parakeet in the front room had also heard the birds outside and was joining them. I listened a little and then I began to realise that what I was hearing was not merely a few feathered animals doing the same thing they always do but the praise of creation rising up to God. From all corners of the Earth, I knew that there were creatures of all kinds doing what they had been created to do. Whatever was in accordance with their manner they were glorfying Him and...it never stopped. God, with all the things going on around the world, always had a song to listen to, and always heard it. As I listened I at first heard its beauty but then was drawn by it. It was the song of creation offered to the Creator, all creatures sang it, no matter how humble, and certainly of the company of the grateful created I am one. So I couldn't help myself, I had to join them. I listened to the song, my heart was filled with joy and I filled my mouth with praise. I sang with the birds and silently prayed to my God a prayer of praise.

On this Easter Day - and every day that exists because He came and did not destroy - do not look down, and do not look lonely - but look up. For He is there and He is listening. We are never alone, there is always a song being offered up and at any moment of any day we can join ourselves to that number. Even if it's only for a few seconds we can, as grateful creation, do something that is pure worship, purely aimed at Him, purely fulfilling some of our purpose in existing, and He will know it - because He hears. He hears every single voice and He knows us, for He formed us.

Such a price He paid to keep that which He created let us try hard and do our best to never let Him regret it - and I know that never He will.

Happy Easter and rejoice my friend. I may not know who you are, but as you're reading this know that there is and always will be at least one other whose heart will always sing to God. This day do not look down, for He is not amongst those within the earth. Look up, for that is where He went, and because He went there, it is where we will one day follow! Truly there is truth, life, love and joy in Him. Oh truly He is good! Rejoice my friends, we are never alone, and we need never fear - for He is risen!

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Two Words

Something else occurred to me recently. It occurred to me when I was watching the Passion of the Christ and as I bowed my head towards the end I was blown away. You see I realised something that night. Two words. They are the greatest thing I own. The greatest thing that I can call my own - but at times I've not even thought so. Two words that I could never have claimed but which were given to me. Their price was far too high, so high that at times I even despised them; though in truth they were all I wanted but could not have. Yet the one to whom they belonged - the only one on Earth to whom they belonged - was kind and caring enough that he did not gloat over me with them but instead paid the inscrutably high price so that I could have them too. Two words that I may always bring to my lips, even when I feel farthest from them, even when I feel a liar, a pretender, in using them; two words that are and always will be, nevertheless, true. He spoke them once, many times, and I did not understand. He spoke them and in them He was something other than I. He spoke them and I was shamed. Now I speak them, and they are true, now I speak them and He is glorified. I speak them and I shall never forget their worth. Two words are my greatest treasure - I do not exaggerate and I do not lie. Two words - they are totally mine and I will never have more, not ever. Two words, and by them, I can hardly believe it, He honours me. Two words... thank you my Lord...two words, and they are -

'My' 'Father'.

God bless.

Coming back...

2006-03-01T21:07:00.000+01:00

Well, it's been far too long since I posted here, and my apologies for the delay.

The way things are right now I think I should be set to start posting again. I have some thoughts on spiritual IOU's to share, maybe also something on tithing. I also have to update my reading list and maybe toss out some thoughts and reviews. So without further ado, I'd like to throw out a quote by Richard Baxter (old English Reformed Pastor) which a friend of mine sent to me, knowing that I've been reading some of his stuff. Thanks Skip.

God bless.

G.

The flesh is not only the common idol, but the most devouring idol in all the world. It hath not, as subservient, flattered idols have, only a knee and compliment, or now and then a sacrifice or ceremony, but it hath the heart, the tongue, the body to serve it; the whole estate, the service of friends, the use of wit and utmost diligence; in a word, it hath all. It is loved and served by the sensualist, as God should be loved and served by his own, even "with all their heart, and soul, and might:" they "honour it with their substance, and the firstfruits of their increase." It is as faithfully served as Christ requireth to be of his disciples: men will part with father, and mother, and brother, and sister, and nearest friends, and all that is against it, for the pleasing of their flesh. Nay, Christ required men to part with no greater matter for him than transitory earthly things, which they must shortly part with whether they will or no; but they do for the flesh ten thousand thousandfold more than ever they were required to do for Christ.

Richard Baxter

Ambitions/Desires

2006-01-12T21:27:00.000+01:00

It's been a while since I last posted and I just wanted to drop in an update to let you know I'm still alive! :)

Things were a bit busy over Christmas and since then, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and working on a ministry idea which I want to try to complete before I do, whatever it is I do next.

Your prayers are appreciated. :)

What I thought I'd do now is just post a few things that my soul searching has turned up. I think really digging down deep into our own hearts and seeing what we desire, trying to uncover the things God has placed within us, something we all need to do from time to time. The truth is there have been many times over the last year or so that I really haven't felt like myself - don't ask me who it is I was feeling like, I have no idea. It's just things I've said or done and I I've wondered "Who on earth was that?"

Well, if you ask God for help and being to dig, things start to turn up. I thought I'd share a few of the things I've uncovered, maybe you can find some inspiration in it.

The desires of Galant Koh:

Travel - I love to travel. Airports, trains, boats, they all get me excited, and I love to see the wonders and variety in God's creation. I can't believe God would create me with this inbred desire for travel and then have me sit at home in the same town for the rest of my life. I've always desired adventure and purpose over comforts and possessions. I don't care if I never have any great possessions or a nice house. I want to experience the world, but more than that, I want to experience and see God in and at work in the world. To not only know His truths from reading but to see those truths have effect, to see them come to reality in the lives men and women and children all over the globe. To enjoy that great mystery of the body of Christ united in Spirit over and above myriad differences.

I want to see God touching people's lives, and if possible in His will, I would love to see Him do it through me. To have a part in working with God to create His new eternity? That's amazing to me. I want to see the rise and perfection of His Bride. To see the Church come together in unity of purpose and mind - in love. I desire to be with God and sit on His shoulder as He makes His plans unfold and the works out His purposes for this generation in preparation for what comes next, and His ultimate goal of salvation and the new Kingdom. God take me all over, use me as you will, and let me see your hand at work!

Japan - this is a bit specific but Japan has been on my heart for quite a while now and I want to see if God has something there. Much about the country enchants me if God has it that I should be blessed to go and minister and make a difference there I'd be honoured and excited. www.jp.omf.org Read some of those 'Opportunities' and the other stories available.

Missions - Community - When asking myself, a la Eldridge, what makes me come alive, I found that my answer is, the thought of being able to be within a Christian community hungry for the word and the kingdom of God and minister to the needs of the people. To know them, to be with them, to rejoice with them and work with them, to rejoice in and celebrate the word of God with them - teaching them, encouraging them, working through problems and seeing what God is doing with them, helping that come about. Just being with them at a point in their life where I am of service and help, and then moving on in God's time to do the same with another group. I was talking with a friend not too long ago who said something that really sparked me, she said, "You'd do so well in third world countries, you'd have so much to offer and teach them." Now, the call of God aside for a moment, the thought of being with a group of Christians who didn't have much but who were appreciative of what they did have and who hungered after the word of God and His kingdom - that excites me. I get tired of people in the rich west who leave their Bibles up on their shelves, who get bored by Bible studies and who don't like to pray. Paul seemed to experience much joy at being with the Philippian churches, working with them and celebrating their God. There truly is a joy to being with God's people, oh that more of us would catch it.

Long distance hikes - Pennine Way, E2, whatever, wherever. I love the hills. I grew up in hill-country and when I'm not able to just get out by myself, or even with a few friends, and walk or run in the hills I miss it. Long-distance hill-walking isn't something I've tried yet, but I want to. Being away from a place really starts to show you what you valued and gives you greater appreciation for it. If I return to England it's my desire to complete the Pennine Way, preferably in one two week trek, and to enjoy all the beauty of God's earth, the company of a good friend, and the voice of the Holy Spirit in the wind. The solitude and beauty are wonderful.

If I manage that and I love it as much as I expect, well, I think I'll try to make it a regular desire. I came across some multinational European walks that some group or other is putting together. They're categorising them as E1, E2, E3 etc. and E2 sounds like a good one. From the very top of Norway down through Denmark, Sweden, Germany (Black Forest!), Switzerland, and then through Italy all the way to Sicily. Might have to break that one up but it would be wonderful. Robust walking is perhaps the best form of exercise known to Man, and when you can unite it with time alone and the beauty of God's Earth - oh it's wonderful!

Crew a sailing voyage... By the stars - Oh yes, now this is something I'd like to do, even just once. For a long time I've been fascinated with the age of sail and how sailors of days gone by accomplished such amazing voyages guided only by the stars. My goodness God does a good job when He creates a universe. What's a tiny satellite when you consider that the roaming planets and stars all conspire to give guidance to Man as he journeys? Those grand celestial spheres aren't about to have a computer chip malfunction or burn up on re-entry. :) To be able to be part of a crew on a tall ship, sailing on some voyage, to see the stars as never before, and to be able to learn how to navigate and see it in action, that's one thing I would love to do.

Oh, and this one for free - celestial navigation requires what? Charts, a sextant, a compass and regular clear views of the skies. Let me put that another way now - it requires written truths which will not falter, something that joins Earth with the heavens, a presence which accurately gives guidance, and regular time spent with the heavens and the Sun. ;)

Alright, well, God bless and let me take this opportunity to say if you're sat around, bumming around right now and don't know what to do or what you're about. Take this opportunity to seek God's help and dig deep. There are so many opportunities out there, but more than that, what God can do with you if you surrender to Him is endless. It's not about opportunity, it's about God's will, but I guarantee that if you surrender yours to Him, He'll make more of it than you expect, and satisfied you will be....check out one of my first blogs - Grey Skies.

Christmas Traditions: Christingle

2005-12-22T16:25:00.000+01:00

One memory I have from my childhood Christmases in England is something which might sound like a strange word to the Americans reading this and perhaps a distant memory to some older British readers - Christingle. It means 'Christ Light' and what it refers to is an old tradition, often done with children, which has the magic of a candle light service but even richer with significance.

Christingle

A Christingle is a symbolically decorated candle consisting of an orange, a candle, a red ribbon, four cocktail sticks and some fruit or raw vegetables. Sometimes it also includes a white ribbon.

The orange represents the world into which the light of the world came (the candle). The red ribbon is a symbol of Christ's blood (the white ribbon can be used as a symbol of purity). The four cocktail sticks symbolise the four seasons over which God reigns and the pieces of fruit or veg - God's blessings to us.

At a time of year when many people, especially Christians, find that their celebrations lack any real meaning I thought I would mention this tradition which is an old Moravian practise which seems now most commonly practised in the Church of England.

That link does a good job of describing things but I'll throw in how we used to do it. Usually the service would involved the children who had a craft time before the service. During that time they would put the Christingles together and be taught the significance of the candle they were making. Then afterwards the service would be held, the Christingles lit and the lights put out. Songs would be sung, some of God's word read and then a blessing would be given. Alternatively a message could be given during the service utilising the symbolism of the Christingle.

I used to love the smell of the oranges and the light of the candles along with all that wonderful Christmas music and fellowship. The wonderful thing is there are no hard and fast rules, each group, church or family can use the Christingle to hold whatever kind of 'service' they please. I hope this year to bring it to my new friends and family here and if the same sounds good to you then this was worthwhile and and my joy is increased!

Have a wonderful Christmas, may all who read this and those you be blessed, may you be a blessing and in us all may God be glorified.

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Instructions below:

To make one Christingle you'll need

An orange
A red ribbon (or a suitable substitute)
Some silver foil (baking foil)
Four cocktail sticks
A few (8 or so) small pieces of fruit or veg
A candle
A knife

Putting it together

Using the knife cut a small cross into the top of the orange (so that the candle can be pushed into the orange).

Place the foil over the cross you've just cut and then push the candle down into the orange. The foil will catch the wax as it drips. It also make the Christingle look shiny! :)

Tie the ribbon around the orange.

Skewer the fruit etc. on the cocktail sticks and then insert them into the top of the orange.

That's it.

Light as needed! :)

If you want pictures a swift Google image search for 'Christingle' will yield the desired results.

Perspectives: Adam's Apple

2005-12-16T06:52:00.000+01:00

Over at the BBC they've been talking about what might be the biggest trial of the last century. A feared and notorious dictator has been captured and now stands trial before his own people. Or is it that one of many such characters created in a middle-eastern culture has been kidnapped by evil, rich western rulers, handed over to his enemies and it's all painted as a romantic victory? Whatever the case, the public are letting loose with their opinions as to whether Saddam will receive a fair trial or not and the righteous indignation flows. It struck me that asking a bunch of random people whether they believed Saddam was going to get a fair trial was a very strange thing indeed. How should they know? Ah but that it is the question isn't it? I'd like to address that very thing but be warned my next example might touch a raw nerve.

Not too long ago there a big court case all over the media. Michael Jackson was in court again facing another set of some of the worst crimes in society - the abuse and perversion of children. Everyone was talking about it and everyone had their opinion as Jackson, with his strange face and dark glasses moved with his entourage and took the stand. Many times of those weeks I heard the cry, "That man is a disgusting pervert! I can't stand him, he makes my skin crawl." Well, soon enough the verdict came out as innocent on all counts and no sooner was the declaration made than I began to hear in abundance, "There's another victory for the rich elite - money can get you off anything."

Maybe.

As I hear everyone around me starting to spout though, there's one question that I want to ask them. "How do you know?"

I heard it said, "Michael is guilty." "Michael is a pervert." I wanted to ask, "Really?" "You were there?" "Did you see him?" "Do you know him?"

Not to defend Michael, it's quite possible he is a pervert, but the question I think everyone needs to ask themselves is, "What do I really know about any of this?" Do people consider what it is they're saying? They stand there and condemn a man of some awful crimes, they spit on him and cover his name with filth and they do it all based upon what? Nothing they really know, just what they've heard. It makes me sad.

What is it that drives us with hate and disgust to condemn a man we've never met, of crimes we don't know he committed? How is it we even have interest in offering an opinion on something so far removed? It can only be because we think we do know, and we think it is our role to look upon these things and offer judgment.

Taking it now to Genesis, Adam was a man who believed two things - that through an apple one could come to know all things, and, that it was his place to know such things and take a place of judgment. He was wrong on both counts.

So are we.

I believe that what we have here is a phenomenon of the modern media combined with good old human nature...or should that be bad old? For the first time even in history we have a way in which we can never leave our home town, or even our houses, yet have a window into the rest of the world. We can sit in front of these tiny screens viewing the world with a seemingly god-like aloofness and we get fed information about anything and everything. It is Adam's dream; a real way to receive the all encompassing knowledge of good and evil. At least, we think it is.

Here in this world of satellites and mass media communication we have an apple which seems to promise great knowledge. Its eye is on every corner of the world and we can share its view. We think therefore that it can tell us everything we need to know, give us a full perspective and that we need its view. Then when we get there, thinking we know it all, we then think we can offer judgment upon those things.

However, just as the apple did not give Adam what he thought it would I think we need to realise that the same is true with the media. We think the media gives us a full perspective - it does not. It does not give us the view that we think it does and in fact we cannot have the grasp upon things that we think we have or that we would like. God did not design Adam to know everything and to be able to judge all things from afar, that was His realm. Nothing has changed since, even with the invention of the internet. No, God designed us to work with what we have in front us and to walk with Him by faith. We do not need the media as much as we think we do, what we need is God and more faith in Him.

Yes, the media has its uses, but I think there is a big problem with the media leading us to walk far more by our eyes than by faith. We think that if offers us that which we so naturally desire - to be able to see beyond today, with a range and perspective that allows us to control our world. Yet that thought is a deception. What is the lesson in the fall of Adam? I think it has less to do with fruit and more to do with the truth that full knowledge and judgment belong only to God.

This isn't a rant condemning the 'sinister media and its evil ways'. My concern isn't the people behind the media or whether the news is right or wrong in any given case. What the media offers us is knowledge, bits and pieces here and there. What we need to learn is to judge rightly what knowledge it does offer and then to decided what we are going to do with that knowledge. We need to know that we can't control what the media gives us, but we can control what we do with the media.

The truth is that we are, in most of these matters, simple observers with a limited view. That's it. We don't see all that is going and we never will. We would like to be able to be in control of everything - to ensure that Saddam has a fair trial, or to ensure that everything is clean and tidy and clinical - we want God's view of the garden instead of Man's. Yet what we have to realise is that we are not God and never will be. The world is a messy place but in our western, scientific, sterilised culture we begin to forget that. We come up with our great ideas and principles and think that we can fix it all but, the history of the world suggests otherwise. What Adam had to learn is that there are certain things that belong to God and certain things that were given to him. His job was to tend the garden. To look after his wife and family. To take care of those things around him and walk and talk faithfully with his God. The wisdom here is to realise that there is only One who is in control and only One who truly sees everything. He sees the hearts of men, truth is His domain and nothing escapes Him.

Saddam may get a fair trial despite what we think about the judges and bias and US administration. He might not. The reality is we'll probably never know but it's not our role to do so. If you really care what is going on, pray, and then turn to those who are really your concern. Pour as much as you can into that which God has given you and that which is beyond today and beyond your borders is in the hands of your God.

And with the media, the simple message is, be careful.

Stars and Lamp Posts

2005-12-13T06:27:00.000+01:00

Have you ever looked up to the heavens far from urban life; up on a mountain some where? I've had that privilege a few times and I must say that if you haven't you really wont believe what awaits your eyes. I remember standing up on Mount Graham and just staring into a sky so filled with stars and shining heavenly bodies that it blew away all that jaded disappointment with what I thought was a starry sky. Trust me, if you haven't seen the night sky away from the city you need to make a promise to yourself, right now, to do so, at least within the year.

Jaclyn over at Pure and Simple recently posted this and thinking about that post brought something to mind which God, as He always does, tied in to other things He was already saying and used it as part of His teachings to me about Faith. If you'll allow me to share...

"Without faith it is impossible to please God." Hebrews 11:6
"That which does not come from faith is sin." Romans 14:23
"Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word." Romans 10:17

Now those three are pulled a little out of context but I'm confident that I am not wrongly using them, I believe the principles can be borne out at length.

The principle being, we cannot live by faith or have faith, without having first heard from God - for such would not be faith, it would be wishful thinking or random notions. Faith is faith in something.

Therefore, it is imperative that we hear from God. Not that we should strain but simply, that we should listen.

Things around us get very noisy. They fill our ears our eyes our minds and our time and make it impossible to hear and thus, by crowding us out, make it difficult, perhaps impossible, to live by faith. We need to take time to listen, and this, by necessity I believe, means that we must be careful to simply our lives down.

Many of the greatest things in Christianity are quiet, not noisy. God's word comes in the still, small voice. Calm, peace, patience, gentleness, security, even strength are quiet things. Joy and praise, in their exuberance, may be considered 'noisy', but they are not constant. I see more Biblical quietness in constancy interspersed with times of noise rather than noise, noise, noise with only a little quiet.

I think it's particularly poignant at this time of year, because all things are noisy around us. It can bee seen that Christmas is a very noisy time of year, yet Christ actually came in relative silence. Bethlehem was busy, noisy. Christ came in the quiet. The angles visited the shepherds on the hills, and that will have been quite an impressive thing, but when they got to the stable what did they find? Not much I expect. Just a small baby and two humble parents.

Oh, and yes, a star. Which brings me back to Jaclyn's post and my introduction. Why is it that the night sky viewed from a mountain yields a splendorous view of the heavens yet the same view cannot be found in town - despite the fact that you are looking at the very same sky?

Noise. The mountain is silent, where as the town, with all of its lights is extremely noisy. Looking at Jaclyn's images though I find it amazing that such grand wonders of immense size and number can be rendered invisible by an incandescent light bulb. Stars of comparable size and brightness to the Sun are hidden by a collection of tiny lamps. Why? Because they are in your face, in your eyes, yet you don't realise it, and so you never even imagine what glories the heavens hold.

The true life of Christianity is a life of faith - a life of listening to God and following Him where He leads. Thus it is a life of listening, and listening necessitates quiet.

Life in this country, in the west here, is often about entertainment - games and movies and music and clothes and everything else. It fills your life easily. It is a discipline for the Christian to make room for quiet. But in that sacrifice of the enjoyable but loud things comes the ever precious heavenly thing of God's voice, and with it the rising of faith and the power and direction for life.

God bless.

Special thanks to Trin.

The Bible on Running

2005-12-01T00:00:00.000+01:00

If you recall my recent post 'Chariots Of Fire', well, I was reading through Psalm 119 whilst on holiday in Georgia and a number of verses really leapt out at me. I think they well capture the spirit of something I was trying to communicate in that post,

"Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight."

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

Unity of purpose, devotion and being. Freedom.

God bless.

Having A Bad Day?

2005-11-30T23:57:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Trin for emailing me this link, I liked it a lot. It's thoughts like that which make me want to get out and go for a run, blasting past all the bad guys!

Muse In Verse

2005-11-29T14:38:00.000+01:00

My good friend Trin has been writing for a while now his insightful and amusing haiku over at Slashdot. Well now he's moved and I thought I'd just drop a line to encourage all of you to pay a visit to www.museinverse.blogspot.com and then bookmark it. He's a great guy and worth reading.

God bless.

Blogger Rule #1

2005-11-29T14:25:00.000+01:00

Learn quickly to type one's blogs in word processing software like Word or something else.

That way when one's computer crashes, the internet dies or some other unforseen accident happens you will not face the tragedy of lost words but only the delay of reopening a file.

Oh the stories I could tell. Of a trip through Colorado and into Texas, moving through a settling mist as the sound of guitar strings plucked filled the air and prayers were lifted up by a trio on their way to an encounter with God. Of lessons learned in praying effectively and avoiding the deception of one's own worry.

Some day I'll pay attention to what I write. Although, that last one should make it up here shortly. It makes you wonder why do these things never happen when you've just logged on and typed only two words?

Bloggers of the world - heedeth these words wisely and doth take ye the actions appropriate!

:)

Perspective: Scotland's Oldest and the 1914 Truce

2005-11-22T19:25:00.000+01:00

So many times, almost every day, we come across things which scream at in a loud and bold way, "Now! Now is the time, and this is the thing. This is everything! Now, act now, or else you will miss and never see it again!" Yet for those who would have learned to listen to wisdom, we can stand fast, close our eyes - which are so easily impressed and deceived - and listen to the voice which says, "This too shall pass. It has been before and will be again. Over and over. Place your feet upon firmer ground, with the eye of wisdom see past what swirls around you, and act upon the truths of the ages."

Gaining and retaining a good perspective is a skill that must be learned and practised, forever. I believe it is one of the most important things in all areas of life and faith and to that end I always keep an eye open for stories and other things which act as windows giving me an opportunity to look beyond my own life and age and into that which is before and beyond me. They help me to look beyond and stand in calmness when the wind of the moment rages.

Today upon I cam upon this story about Scotland's oldest man and World War 1 veteran. He served in the Black Watch and was one of the few who stood upon that treacherous ground known as 'No Man's Land' , faced his enemy, and in a moment of faith and humanity, shook hands.

That history which is to many of us just pages in a book was to him real life, his memories more vivid than any photo-journal. Consider the elders around you. We look at the decades and separate them out. We think of the changes in our world since the 60's, they lived and dwelled before. They are our reach into truth. Into perspective. They are the calm voices that speak to us of something else. As they pass we lose that voice and are forced more and more into the booming announcements of the current age. Let us consider their words and their stories.

Oh Lord may we have ears, and honour your creation of them by using them as best we can.

Prince In Tribute To War Veteran

Oldest War Veteran Reaches 106

Chariots of Fire

2005-11-17T23:15:00.000+01:00

I saw the movie 'Chariots of Fire' for the first time a few months ago. It's strange, but everyone I've mentioned that to at the time chuckled when I told them. I don't know what's so funny about it, maybe it's got something to do with the movie - most people seem to have seen it but only a long time ago, and perhaps they remember it as being a nice but antiquated movie with a naively optimistic outlook on things. I've no idea really. However, I am fully aware of what I think about the film.

"What? What is your opinion?" I hear you cry. Well fear not, for I am about to give it! :)

It moved me. It spoke to me. I was fully impressed with it. Perhaps it was more the message than its merit as a piece of visual storytelling, but I came away from having watched it with feelings of respect, admiration, inspiration, and almost a homeward call of my soul. What I want to share with you here is the aspect of its impact which struck me most significantly.

Before I begin, a quick recap. 'Chariots of Fire' tells the true story of the victories of the British running team in the 1924 Parisian Olympics. It focuses most of all upon two figures, H.G. Abrahams and Eric Liddell. Both gifted sprinters, the former is an aggressively sensitive Jewish Englishman who enters Cambridge University and finds motivation in proving himself to the world, fighting for his Jewish heritage. The latter is a Scottish missionary and devout Christian. Born in China to missionary parents, he, with his sister, is preparing himself to return to the ministry but finds himself the hero of Scotland in his running abilities. At first rivals, the two eventually run under the British banner to bring home two gold medals.

In itself it is an inspiring story, and I highly recommend the movie, however, I would like to reflect upon something spoken by Eric. Part way through the movie Eric is trying to explain to his sister, who does not agree with his running, why he is choosing to continue with his preparations for the Olympics before he returns to the mission. In doing so Eric tells her, "I believe God made me for a purpose. But He also made me fast, and when I run I feel His pleasure. To win is to honor Him."

I, and perhaps a lot of Christians, understand and believe in the first part of Eric's statement - that God made us for a purpose, that He has a purpose planned for us. Many Christians, I think, are straining and striving in search of that purpose. If only they could know what it is, then they could do it, and be content, and know that they are bringing pleasure to God, doing what they were made for. However, Eric doesn't stop in saying he was made for a purpose, he continues, and it is that continuance that I think many Christians find hard to grasp. I know that to me, it was, and in part still is, a mystery.

"He also made me fast."

I don't know if you can relate, but there's something about running. I'm not a hard-core runner, not at all. I don't get into the technical aspects or even the hard-nosed pursuit of fitness, but I do like to run and when I heard Eric speak something inside of me strongly stirred, recalling memories and feelings - almost a deep calling to deep. In the film, when Eric runs, his head tips back and he just lets fly. He puts everything he has into moving forward and as he does so, somewhere along the line he forgets about everything around him and he simply feels. It's a moment of focus and unity and peace. Alone in his path, his body is obedient and driven by his spirit which urges him forward. There in motion his heart is open before God and God is there with him. It is just him and God and a single-focused drive forward. Everything is together, in unity and nothing is held back.

I've felt that before, in England, up on the hills when I went just to get outside. Hiking is wonderful, but there's nothing like having no pack, no big boots. It's just you, free from encumbrance, and able to just charge forward. The terrain rolls, rocks jut, soil dips and as the wind drives you dart forward at full speed. Alert and alive your feet move fast, ably, finding every secure footfall and sending you forward. It's one of the times when I feel most like myself. Enjoying the freedom and the pace everything comes together - body, mind and soul. God is there and I am filled with joy, with energy.

As I heard Eric speak and watched him in the Scottish hillsides all of that came flooding back. As I thought about it later, it occurred to me that this is what I've been missing. It's what I've been looking for, coming back to, but I did not know what it was. Not the running, but the feeling - being able to pursue something single-mindedly with everything that I have, to take joy in something as I pour my whole self into it and, most of all, to feel God's pleasure in it - knowing that God takes pleasure in me living out everything He made me to be. In some ways the thought felt almost too good to be true!

Let me share something about myself. For many years now I have sought to offer myself entirely to God. To heed the words of all those sermons which spoke of availability and service. I desire not to miss anything, or waste time reinventing the wheel, but to believe and to follow that path with all my heart. I have sought to make myself as open as possible to God so that whatever God asks He should never hear a 'no' from me but instead always find me willing, albeit after a little pushing some times. Such I have tried to be, yet of late I have found myself in turmoil. I have had much trouble in making decisions, freezing or deliberating endlessly when faced with big choices. I have found myself somewhat of a paradox. I remember the days at school when I was told , "You'll be able to do whatever you want to do," and I recognise all the gifts I have been given, that I should be soaring through life. The truth is though that I have spent many times wondering what is going on and whether I am even capable of leading a normal life. Gifts and abilities are all fine, but they often seem intangible. Potential but not reality, not a guarantee.

Recently, with many decisions having to be made and therefore much thinking having been done, it has brought me more and more to focus on what I really want and what I need to do. That might sound a little 'me' centered but keep with me because I don't believe that is the case. Some of the questions I've been facing are 'Do I want to get married?' 'What would I want from marriage?' 'If I do want to marry, do I want to do it right now?' 'Is God calling me to it or perhaps to singleness?' 'What is God's call upon me, His purpose?' In seeking to find some answers it became apparent that I could not make such decisions solely in terms of 'what is good', 'what is the ideal', and 'what is the principle'. As I considered things I found that whilst I was able to lay out the general game-plan for humanity quite well with many wonderful truths I needed to find out more than principles. I needed to find out what excited me, what my desires were, and knowing where my gifts lie, search the depths of my heart, not just the reason of my mind.

The 'heart' is a funny subject. On the one hand, the Bible says it is deceitful, it tells us to guard it, but then Proverbs 21:1 says, "The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases." Without going too much into this, I believe it is the case that when a servant of God offers himself up to God, heart and all, that God honours that and takes hold of that life, directing his heart and life. As God begins to uncover the buried parts of that person's heart, revealing the image of who He will make them to be, I believe there is a unity of both principle and passion.

You see principle by itself can teach what is good, but within that realm of the good, passion provides the direction and motivation to move into the future. Eric Liddell's desire was to serve God, he had given his life over to the Lord for that purpose. He had studied God's word and knew truth, yet in filling his heart and mind with God's word he found that there was a passion and a design of God leading Him to run. He honoured God through it, and what a place it is to be able to not only serve God from duty and truth but also from the heart!

I don't think Christians are all cookie-cutter clones who are wiped of their personality and individuality in coming to Christ. All of us should be prepared to serve wherever we can when needed, even in areas where we have no desire or ability. However, in the long term, I believe God designs and uses us for specific purposes for which He gives us the heart. Sometimes we will undergo massive transformation and what we once thought would be abhorrent to us becomes a joy and a privilege. Yet note that it becomes a joy it does not remain abhorrent.

When we seek God as Christians, when we ask for wisdom and direction, when we are making decisions, let us not forget that the Lord directs our hearts and that those who delight themselves in Him are granted the desires of their heart. Let us fulfill our duties, and be committed to truth and principle, but let us also remember that there is something more than these things - in Christ there is the unity of the whole human being mind, body, heart and soul. Let us live with passion and commitment confirmed by the peace and word of God.

And what's more, when we do not have answer, when we cannot settle upon a decision, let us not fear God, which is our tendency, but remember that He is our loving Father. He will not disappoint us. If He is staying silent at the moment it is because He desires us to continue in some way now learning something more before He releases us upon the new path that He has already prepared for us. It's easy to trust God and know He's good and faithful when He bring everything right to your doorstep and everything is in place. When things aren't clear though, that when faith finds its point!

I'll end with one more line from the movie, in seeking the advice of his father Eric is told,

"Eric, you are the proud possessor of many gifts and it's your sacred duty to put them to good use. You can praise God by peeling a potato if you peel it to perfection. Run, in His name, and let the world stand back in wonder."

God bless,
G.

Draft Review: Strongest Silk

2005-11-17T11:23:00.000+01:00

Taking some time to review my unfinished or unpublished drafts I'm going to be posting bits and pieces that have just sat for a while. I hope they're of some encouragement.

Strongest Silk

There is a woman whose beauty is beyond compare,

whose glory shines like the sun;

Her name is not known and her face is not seen yet her work is assuredly done.

Like a fine silken cloth she catches the Wind and dances in glorious splendour,

Yet the Lord holds her fast so the Wind will not pass;

He has called her to harness His grandeur.

So she holds to the mast with a strength not her own,

Ever faithful and strong without tearing,

Here her beauty now shows as she billoughs and blows

with His breath on her back she is soaring;

This woman wastes not her life on sweet tasting strife,

Beauty that's dead - unavailing,

For the ship that He guides now with her cuts the tides

and no storm will ever cost it its bearing.

To the white flower.

Juke Box

2005-10-24T23:07:00.000+02:00

Just to let you know, I recently added a 'Juke Box' section to my lists on the right. It contains the CD's bought or listened to most recently by me. They're also recommendations since I wont post anything that I thought wasn't any good. If you want to know more about anything to do with the music or books I list, perhaps about my preferences, or thoughts on something I haven't mentioned, drop me an email. I'd love to respond. I do thoroughly appreciate all the comments I get, the unnamed Sitemeter hits are nice but to see names and hear thoughts means a lot to me.

Actually, that brings something to mind. I've recently thought about posting an occasional review on a book I've read or CD I've bought. I'm not certain that anyone would be interested in hearing me do that, so I've held off, I've also been short on time what with all that river business.

If anyone has any thoughts or ideas, let me know.

God bless,
G.

The Last Stretch

2005-10-24T22:10:00.000+02:00

Following on from my post about my life options, the other side of things is that these next few months aren't a few minutes. I still have a life to live - but how things change.

After getting back from the airport this morning, one of the first few things I did was make a list of what I need to get done, because whatever the choice for the future, it's going to mean change. So, I've begun the mental process and soon the practical task of battening down the hatches and tying off the ropes. Wherever I end up, it should be in order.

There are a number of items Mum and Reub left behind that I have to ensure go to their proper places. Then I have to look at the left over items and clothes and decide what will be kept and what donated. I'm going through my books looking to see what I will keep, what I will give to those who come to mind, and the rest I might use as a start to a new library system at church - if they go for the idea. This last thing has brought back to mind something I read from Hudson Taylor a while ago. He spoke of how he came to realise, in view of the immense of Christ's return, that so much of what we have - gifts and possessions - must not be wasted but put to good use. Books that sit on shelves month after month and year after year, would be better put to use being read by someone else, perhaps someone who has not the resources or knowledge. Clothes kept away could be worn by those whose backs are bare instead of gathering dust. We need only little in this life, and there is so much turn over. Hudson saw no point in hoarding but in trying to put all resources at his command to the best and most efficient use. I also think of the picture of the Church in Acts 2, and how they shared what they have. Oh the wonderful blessings that would abound if families and individuals in the churches would share between themselves all they have - books, tools, music, clothes, skills, and of course food and money and time. I suppose that brings to mind my post on the OSB and Benedict and how he considered that he owned nothing but was simply taking care of it for God, sharing it with others. That God gives what he gives to individuals but for the use of the Church. What is our concept of ownership?

And so, though it would only work with the understanding and teaching that those who participate are to honour and look after this physical 'treasury of the church', I think it would be a wonderful thing for those who wish to be included, to put on a list all that which they have which they wish to make available to others in the church, to share. What kind of a music and reading library would we see? What kind of things might we all have access to which would normally cost so much? I see no down sides to this beyond a little cost in time, perhaps inconvenience, and in the case of abuse of mis-use, a physical cost. Though I wonder whether Christ doesn't ask us to bear that burden in the pursuit of loving one another.

Returning, though, to my preparations. As I wrote that list this morning I considered also how I should live. I cannot live blindly without an eye to the future, because were I to do so there would be much which can only be done with time that would not get done. I have pieces of writing and ministry ideas to complete - things I can then leave with people here should I go, or that I can leaved posted here should I not be able to return to this place for some time. At least they can be read instead of 'gathering dust' as drafts. Then finally, should I leave, there are so many things I want to say to people, I need to make an aim of taking time to pray for people and write to them the things God, or I, might want to say. Things that otherwise would be left unsaid. What use is it to think a million good things about someone, blessings, encouragement, advice or challenges, and yet to never say them?

This last one has been a challenge to me recently. It is only when there is a soon coming end in sight that I, we, begin to think this way; to make the most of what we have right now. There is not reason though why we could or should not be more thoughtful of, and driven for, one another all of the time. Life is life and time rolls on, I know. Yet it is the sudden and sometimes unexpected stops and changes that begin to show us waste and desire, need and priority. Besides, it might be cliche, but none of us truly know how long we have in any given place or relationship. Why hold on until tomorrow to do that which we can do today?

Finally, a lesson from my brother. The farewell at the airport was a teary-eyed one for all us, but most of all for my brother and his friends. Three of them came to see him off in addition to us, his family. As we spoke to one another and gave out our hugs the emotion for my brother was striking. The tears from his friends' eyes and from his own spoke of the lack and pain they would be feeling. This change was a big one - a significant part of their life was being taken away, and it mattered. I too felt the pull but as I watched I considered, "What would the situation look like were it me saying good-bye to my friends"?

My point is this, whilst some people are just very emotional, for many, especially guys, such displays of emotion show significance, they show real loss and pain. That loss was there because those friends had invested into one another's' lives. They had not lived life on the surface but had plunged in. They had bonded together and they mattered to one another. Not just their ideas, not just their writings or speaking, but they themselves mattered to one another. How do we live life? For those more stoic ones amongst us - and being stoic is not a bad thing, the stoics are needed as much as those more emotional - are we allowing ourselves to truly live? Are we passing up on the very stuff of life because of a notion or an idea of life, a perception? Our relationships are not just opportunities for logic and reason, let us not be too general, but let's get specific. Let us dive in and live by experience also.

More and more as I consider life and ministry I see the value in living life as richly and thickly as possible. I wonder about all those writers and Christians who are learning the Gospel in theory, and the Word of God within their offices and studies. It occurs to me that although many writers have offered treasure in their ink, surely it those who write from experience who offer the most. An exegetical commentary on the letters of John can tell me a lot about what the Bible says about love. However, a simple story from the life of a man who has tried to put those things into practice in the world tells me even more. The two go hand in hand. We need knowledge of what God has said, but we need also the understanding of it in reality. With our friends, we Christians need to not only pray about and tell them what they need, what God might be speaking, and what 'wisdom' is; we need also to offer more than speech. Friendship must be lived, it cannot simply be spoken. Love must be done, it cannot simply be expounded. Life must be lived, it cannot simple be written about.

Well, I shall end it there. I have to go back to my boat and continue sorting things out. There is much left to be cut away, stored, put to use and focused upon.

God bless,
G.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat...

2005-10-24T20:54:00.000+02:00

...gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily..........WATERFALL!!!

That's pretty much how my life looks right now. For the past four and a half years I've been floating down a long and winding river on a journey of discovery, growth and revelation. I've had my share of battles, the most fierce of which were against my own failings and flaws. I've explored new areas of life, ministry and God, and invested myself in projects and positions. Up until a year ago I'd never considered writing, three and half years ago, singing, and a couple of years ago, marriage and relationships. I've wrestled with ministry and the church, so many ideas and passions I can't list them all, and after all this floating I came to this morning.

09:00, October 24, my mother and brother stepped out of the boat and God lead them onto some other path in some other part of the world. Right now they'll be airborne heading East; and only the weeks and months ahead will tell what is to come. As for me, well, after we said our good-bye's, I stepped into the boat, now much roomier, and although in some ways it feels as though it's back to business as usual, it's not, because I happen to know that despite its winding path this river will come to an abrupt end in just over two short months. After that...well that's the question.

I suppose I could just ride the boat until the end, hold on for dear life and see where I end up, but that's more the Ostrich option which is neither practical nor wise. So then, what other options? Well, technically speaking the whole world is wide open, I could go anywhere, do anything, but that's true for any of us - we could at any moment just walk out of the door and leave. We could pick and direction and walk or drive and see what happens. We could pick any notion, make a decision and aim at it. If I started to just daydream and write about any idea that comes to mind I might well write my longest blog to date, which would be saying something. So instead, I'll stick with what have been my major options to this point. The paths which I have been considering taking.

I could choose stay in this locale, and before the boat goes over the falls, take a friend and join a bigger boat heading down an even windier, exciting path. That boat could lead anywhere at any time and offers much which I know not. Certainly this path offers a lifetime of challenges and a lifetime of certain rewards, but the specifics are very few indeed. Though it would be a definite path for my next few weeks and months, maybe years, it is more a different way of following paths and not a path in itself. It has no forseeable end, and it is only a decision to be made once and it is not a decision to be steped into and out of. It's also one that is should be divinely inspired and thoroughly practical, I would not make it lightly.

Alternatively, I could leave this place entirely, maybe with, maybe without, that friend, and head off to other parts. Having landed on the East again, I could take a path which few successfully finish, and I would then be fixed upon that path for the next few years. A great challenge and a great adventure, testing me in ways that have never been explored, travelling around the world, and seeing what happens. This stream is only open to me until mid-way through next year, after which time it will be inaccessible. It's possible something similar could open up at any time in the future, but that is not something to plan on or looked forward to - but instead responded to should the moment arise.

If not that path though, then I could choose to return to the place where I started, before I ever came here. Revisiting all the oldest friends and places but as a new man and in new ways. Spending time alone and seeking God, I could roam the hills, and perhaps fill the pulpits and see where, from there, God might next take me. What opportunities there are here is uncertain. There much of the old that could be taken up in new ways but this isn't something final, but a move towards a crossroads, a tavern, where opportunities meet.

Assuming that God does not bring along another option out of the blue, which is in truth a great possibility - but one which I cannot bank on or prepare for - I have some decisions to make. This is the place where theology, faith and trust meet reality. I've been on paths alone before, yet not in this way. Truly I am master of my own voyage at this point, and life is totally open. I can choose to submit it to God or take it up myself, yet whatever the case, things are now between God and myself only, and no-one else. That is different.

So here I am in my boat. One mile stone has passed, and I am floating down this not-for-long river. Fortunately, for now, I have the company of friends and mentors so I do not float alone. They though have their roots, and depending upon the path I choose, I may soon leave them.

Look Oh Lord. Here is a life. Guide it and use it. Lead it and protect it. It belongs to you.

G.

Keeping Up Appearances

2005-10-11T18:16:00.000+02:00

A lot of men love them, and many more women can't imagine life without them - but do they really enhance one's attractiveness?

High heels. They're everywhere. Most women own at least one pair and believe that sometimes you do just have to wear them. Apparently a lot of men think they should too. Some boyfriends and husbands even require their partners to wear them. Take a second look though. The following articles might open your eyes:

Feet For Life

Biomed Library

Flat Facts About High Heels

Yale-New Haven Hospital

So, yes, high heels are widely considered as attractive - but they also damage a woman's back, knees, and feet. Take a look at the many women in their 50's and 60's who are now suffering with painful knee and back problems; women who hobble and can't walk. Think of the women who no longer have the condition to move freely or quickly, with energy. What's attractive about that? Give me a woman who can smile with joy and enjoy life free from pain any day.

High heels are damaging to health. Guys why would you require your women to suffer (now and later) just so you can satisfy your ego? Women, sorry for the pressure to wear such torturous footwear, really, you are beautiful without those heels. So some fancy gal in Hollywood is looking gorgeous in a skin tight dress and 6 inch heels. We all know just how unreal their lives are anyway, and when she's looking awful at 50 in her big white house, with too much make-up, one too many face-lifts, and pink tutu wearing chihuahua at her side...I'd rather be out taking long walks, enjoying the day with the partner sent to me by God, blessed in the joy of life.

X Marks the Spot

2005-09-26T01:26:00.000+02:00

I just wanted to share a little something that came to me a fortnight ago and which has proven a blessing and help the past week or so.

No shame here, its immediate and most obvious application is towards those who struggle with lust, however, I believe the principle can be applied beyond that to any area of assiduous struggle.

It has been said that the first step in overcoming a problem with a certain sin is to realise that it is sin and so to hate it. This is true. If there is no conviction of sin, then there is no motive or reason for change. What, though, if you have already identified sin and still struggle?

I've struggled with a number of things in my life, and one of the strongest most difficult has been lust, in its various forms. I've read a number of books, talked with people, prayed, and tried every mental trick I could find. Some have helped immensely, others I don't even remember. Let me take a minute to put forward one thing that I consider absolutely vital for every Christian.

Having a mentor, a godly confidant, with whom you can talk openly and seriously is a tremendous blessing and help. Preferably they should be someone older than you, mature in the Lord and of good standing. When it comes to overcoming problems, sharing them is often half the battle. There is a lot of truth tied up in that mystery of James which speaks of confessing our sins to one another before finding healing. I believe it is God's established pattern.

I do a weekly radio show with two heads of drug rehabilitation centers and both advocate, and speak strongly, about the need for and benefit of 'support networks'. This isn't something only for 'addicts' but is something which is simply human. We need others to encourage us, to help us grow, and to help us out. Friendship is vital and if you don't have such a relationship now I'd really like to encourage you to start developing one as soon as possible. Ask the Lord to provide someone and then take those brave step forward into what is at first an awkward situation. Persevere past the awkwardness though, for it is very, very much worth it.

Here are a few main ways such a relationship offers help:

1 - It offers a place of open confession. This does two things. First I believe it honours God and the pattern He established - that we should be under authority and that we should confess to one another. Second, secrecy is a breeding ground for sin. Those things we do not share eat at us from the inside. A friend once said, shame is the darkroom where our negatives our developed! Weaknesses in character and those weaknesses in our life opened up by sin will only be overcome and strength restored is they are confronted - not hidden.

2 - It allows for extra prayer. This is one of those Christian staples everyone talks about but there are many who do not seem to believe in it. Yet the truth is - prayer is effective. It was a regular and aggressive habit of Jesus Himself, and all throughout Scripture we are encouraged and challenged to pray. This isn't for nothing or just to give us something to do! Prayer is a mystery but it is a powerful thing. I encourage you again to seek out the truth of the mystery of prayer. Make a habit of it even if you don't understand it and seek God for wisdom and understanding. Whatever you do pray and seek prayer!

3 - It allows for input. Plain and simple, other people can very often give us a perspective on things which we haven't got ourselves. They can see things we easily miss and they can help to brain-storm practical ideas to solve whatever problem, as well as dig into the reasons behind something.

4 - It can keep you accountable. This is why I strongly suggest someone older than you or at the very least, in a position of authority. Peer 'accountability groups' can sometimes just become apathetic story groups with each person sharing their struggles but having no change come. That's because there is no actual accountability there - what are they holding you accountable to? In fact, some of these can do more harm that good. What's worse than not sharing and confessing? Sharing and confessing in a context which only removes the shame and lets you become comfortable in your behaviour. Confession must be accompanied by the challenge for change which comes first internally and second externally - by a person and or the 'atmosphere'. Proper accountability is wonderful and helpful - though often a challenge and awkward.

I refer you here to Lewis' 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' -

"Then the lion said- but I don't know if it spoke- You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tears he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know-if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt- and there it was laying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.

(For a fuller version - Hope In The Claws)

And so it is with having a mentor - particularly when you have some particular recurring issue to deal with. It can be a pain, awkward and you'll want to squirm out of it if you can, but in the end, you need to muster the strength to sit still, endure it, and you'll come out feeling amazing. :)

Anyway, back then to my original point. What to do if you see the sin but can't shake it. Well, here's my revelation which I pass on to you.

Jesus, in Matthew 6:21, said, "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Some time ago I came to associate that verse with one from Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Your heart is a spring out of which comes your life. It is that which motivates you and drives you. It is your will, your emotions, your thoughts, your desires etc. Basically, where your heart goes there goes your life. However, your heart must be guarded. Why? Because such a powerful driving force can be influenced, it can be directed, steered. This where Jesus' words come in. For where your treasure is there will be your heart - or - that which you treasure provides direction for your heart. And so we have - What you treasure draws your heart and what draws your heart, draws your life.

I don't remember quite where I was or what I was doing but it occurred to me that whilst I had come to hate the sin of my thoughts and behaviour and was often disgusted with them, there was a flip side - I still enjoyed the pleasure and the thrill - I treasured them. The mystifying beauty and allure of the female body, a physical sensation, a thrill or an excitement those were things I treasured, things that I let retain a special place in my heart. The fear or hatred of sin might keep me away from them for a while, but sooner or later there would come a time where I would be drawn back to those things which amazed and attracted me. I hated the sinfulness of it but treasured the object or what it gave me.

Call it the appeal of things shiny, Gollum's 'Precioussssssss', or some pirates' hidden trove, it is amazing the strength 'treasure' has to keep us coming back and even to influence us to do all kinds of things to possess them. Your heart is a powerful force, yet it is easily swayed. T treasure something is not wrong, it is a system designed by God, however, we have to be very careful what we allow ourselves to come to cherish - and that is the verb. 'To cherish' is to make something a treasure. Sometimes it is an instantaneous thing, many other times we must work at cherishing something, but what we cherish, becomes our treasure and it inspires our heart to drive us to pursue it.

With regards to lust, there are elements, like the female body, that are designed to be attractive and to leads us to cherish - yet there is a time and a place for everything. Single gentlemen like myself must work hard - and let us not shy away from it - to ensure that we do not let our natural fascination and appreciation of the female body gain more presence in our thoughts and desires than is proper. A married man has the wonderful opportunity to treasure his wife's body and to enjoy it, however, it occurs to me that even there he must be careful. Though it is harder for the bachelor, both the single man and the husband must work to ensure that the treasure of the female body does not outstep its bounds. Even the husband can become too obsessed with his wife's body (ignoring the obvious sin of treasuring others' bodies) leading him to desire and therefore pursue sex beyond limits. Here opens the doorway to abuse.

The counter to this is, I think, the effort to cherish instead the whole female. To cherish all that she is and to treasure her as the complete female person that she is. If this is true, then I think we have a very useful truth in our battle against sin. We must learn not only to hate the sinfulness of a thing, but to check our 'treasures'. To identify all that we cherish and then to work hard at refusing to treasure those things which should not have our hearts, and with that, to redirect our affections to those things which we should be cherishing.

The very romantic sounding but actually awful song 'To All The Girls I've Loved Before' says, "The winds of change are always blowing, and every time I try to stay, the winds of change continue blowing, and they just carry me away." What carries you away Mr. Iglesias is not the wind, but your heart, and it carries you so freely because you place no guard upon it.

The wonderful truth is that we are not simple slaves to our heart. You can influence who you are and become. We have control over our hearts, are able to guard them, to steer them - and so we should. We have the ability to choose what we treasure and to dictate who we will be - whether by negligence and cowardice we choose to become addicts or perverts or by facing careful selection and courageous confrontation we choose to be overcomers and healthy, joyful human beings.

I have found it can be tricky at times, but when thoughts and sights come to mind, I have made an effort to remind myself that such things I shall not treasure, for some of it is wrong and some of it is out of place - all of it leading to a place I do not want to go. Additionally, I have focused my efforts on finding those things I should treasure and sought to appreciate those things. Slowly I have found the practise to be of use, especially in combination with prayer, and I'm happy to say it's been a wonderful two weeks since! So it is that I am happy to share this little thought with you, and I hope it is of use to you in some arena or other.

If I may, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank my friend and mentor Steve for his continued prayer, efforts, and accessibility - and his endurance! I'd also like to petition the ladies to remember to consider what they wear. As men, we naturally and almost immediately 'appreciate' what is put before our eyes. When thus our attentions have been grabbed we must work to redirect our thoughts onto other things. Choosing to wear things which do not accentuate or display those particularly attractive areas of your bodies is a great help to me, and to others, and I and we appreciate it - especially in this society where sex sells and beauty is how much you show.

God bless.

Delight

2005-09-19T06:11:00.000+02:00

Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart..."

"What does it mean to delight?" That was the question I found myself asking as I read this verse. In some ways it seems a pretty simple notion to grasp, but when I tried to pin it down to a definition I found myself struggling.

If I may, I'd like to share with you what I found when I decided to go digging into the word and concept of 'delighting'.

The word delight can be taken three ways; as a noun, and as a verb. As a noun it is simply a great joy or pleasure, a feeling of elation. As a verb it can be used in two ways - a person can delight something, or delight in something. That is, one can either perform the action of delighting something else, or, and this is the more curious sense, it seems one can actively take part in receiving delight from something else. So, the first use of the verb would be to give something a feeling of great joy or pleasure, and the second use would be to actively work at feeling great joy or pleasure. Perhaps it could almost be to make oneself feel great joy or pleasure about something else.

When considering it myself I wasn't sure about this last one, which seems the most significant of the uses in Scripture. Is delighting in something just a matter of recognising that it's enjoyable and then training yourself to enjoy Him? Something didn't quite fit, so I turned to the dictionary.

The definition of 'delight' in Webster's dictionary is thus:

"delight vt. ... < de-, from + lacere, to entice, lit., to ensnare ... to give great joy or pleasure to -vi. 1. to give great joy or pleasure 2. to be highly pleased; rejoice (usually with in or an infinitive) -n. ... 1. great joy or pleasure 2. Something giving great joy or pleasure ..."

What struck me most in all of that were the origins of the word - to entice or ensnare. I hadn't expected that. I thought about it - to delight something is to ensnare or entice it. That sounds a bit sinister. What's more, if I reversed it, then to delight in something is to be enticed or ensnared - willingly. A bit weak willed isn't it? I considered the application of this in the context of a relationship with God, and it struck me. Listen up!

'To delight in something' is to allow yourself to be enticed or ensnared. Not as in a sneaky trap which ensnares you despite your best efforts, but a willful giving of oneself to something that is trying to attract you. Like cake or ice-cream, the thing cannot (or will not) trap you, but you make a choice to be taken in by it, to give in to it - that you may delight in it.

Let me offer another example. It's like a girl who likes you and is letting you know. There's a point where you decide that you can reject her, or instead, you can enjoy that she is attracted to you and get excited by it. If we can remove any thoughts of guilt about these things, be it cake, ice-cream or girls, what you're left with is something good that you can allow yourself to get excited about, enticed into, and then...the experience comes - delight as a noun. To delight ion something then is to set yourself up for the experience, and not just sit around on your bum waiting for it to impress you!

Makes sense so far? I hope so, because we're about to go a little deeper - it turns out that I think there's some Biblical truth to this whole thing. You see the dictionary definition was nice enough, but I figured that rather than just take Webster's word for this verse might mean, I should go and look up the actual Hebrew term used to make sure I wasn't going astray. So I did. Closing Webster's I opened up my concordance and found that the Hebrew word for 'delight' here, is 'anag' meaning 'soft' or 'pliable'...it also happens to be the case that it has a feminine sense about it.

"Okay," you might be thinking, "what does soft, pliable and feminine have to do with delighting in something?" Well, here goes...

'Soft and pliable' fit in quite nicely with the concept of allowing oneself to be enticed. You see, if you're not pliable and soft, then you're hard and rigid and you aren't going to allow yourself to be moved by anything. Chances are you're going to be one of those people who insist that if something is that marvelous, then it shouldn't have any problem defeating your walls, and overcoming you. Now, taking that description, of who does it most remind you? Not wanting to be offensive, may I suggest that the answer is...men? And this is where the feminine part comes in.

Two Halves of Humanity

It occurs to me that this feminine reference is not dictating that 'delighting' is an exclusive feminine action but that it is something which is seen most readily, within the female sex. You see, I believe that the sexes were created masterfully by God and that part of their purpose is to teach truths about God, life and attitudes. I also believe that each sex has something a little different to teach; one sex highlights one set of truths and ideals, and the other another set so that together they work in harmony - two halves of humanity. In the case of 'delighting' it occurs to me that what we have here is a concept that finds its best example within the female sex.

If you think about it, it can be seen that women are wonderful examples of 'delighting'. They are very familiar with the concept of having something become a joy to them by allowing themselves to be taken up by it, and allowing it to move them or excite them. Put simply, women are more naturally 'delighters' than are men; they are more familiar with giving themselves. This is one big reason why they need to be very careful in guarding their hearts; not giving their hearts away - delighting themselves in something - too easily. Pearls shouldn't be cast before swine, but guardedly reserved for the right time and occasion.

Now guys, referring back to what I said before, 'delighting' isn't just a female action. We are also able to delight in things, allowing ourselves to be taken in by them and giving ourselves over to them. This could be any number of pursuits, hobbies or work or also be a woman. It shows itself in us in different ways, has different effects, but when we allow ourselves to be enticed by a woman, delighting in her, we often show it through provision and service. What's especially interesting is that 'delighting' is reciprocal. If a woman captures a man's attention, and he delights in her he feels greatly empowered, as though he could shift the earth, and he's moved to serve. He will work for her, provide for her, give his time and his efforts and his money for her, and he will die for her, no problem. He gives himself to her in service and in sacrifice. When a woman feels his delight through his words, service and sacrifice, she then too begins to delight in him. For her, I think, the delight is more experiential than for him. He feels empowered, but she feels loved, she feels joy - excitement, happiness, and she just wants to be with him. She will serve him too, and she will offer herself to him. What's more, it usually starts with some element of pleasure or attraction - a delight. For him it might be her beauty or appearance, for her more than likely something he does - his manner, hard work, or his pursuit of her.

Men, Women - God and Humanity

Bringing it back then, this blog started in the Bible and that's where it's going to end. What I described above isn't just available in human relationships but also in spiritual ones - in our relationship with God. You see, just a woman shows us how to give ourselves and delight, I think a man shows us how we move the heart of God. When a woman opens herself up, what does the guy do? He serves and he sacrifices and he gives - flowers and jewelry and chocolate! When we open ourselves up, God moves, and as the Psalm says He gives the desires of our heart. But we're not just talking gifts. What is the woman's delight - the gifts? No - the man who gives them. The gifts are nice, but just symbols, she would trade all of them in if she had to choose them or her man. So too, God gives gifts, He grants desires, but they are not the true delight, it is Him - closeness to Him.

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Let us pause for a second though. It is sadly true that there are some women who would choose the necklace over the man who paid for it. Her heart is for herself and for the finery, not for the man. However, a necklace cannot respond, and though she opens herself up for it, it cannot do anything in response. So she uses the man to buy her the necklace, not realising that her delight is misplaced. So it is with us. Thinking back to women, who must carefully guard their hearts, restraining their delight, we must learn from this also.

All of us, men and women, must guard our hearts well, even aggressively. It is easy to delight in all kinds of things. To allow ourselves to be enticed by something and to open ourselves up to it - pour ourselves, and our pearls, out before it. Relationships, pursuits, vehicles, hobbies, vanities, we give ourselves to them, delight in them - but not in God. And for what? Something that cannot respond. It is true that relationships are hard, they require work, yet what would you rather have?

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I believe that a relationship with the Lord – centered upon the Lord - is empowering and encouraging and a joy. It is a delight (noun) that inspires you to delight (verb) and results in even greater delight (noun). The question though, is where does it start? Well, as things stand with all of us right now, I believe the answer is - with us. We should look to our own hearts and see to it that we are 'soft and pliable' towards God, accepting Him - delighting in Him.

I began this with Psalm 37:5, however, if you go back one verse to 37:4 you will find that it says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I believe that this is the true essence of worship. Within the Bible there were those whose worship consisted merely of sacrifice and ritual, not only in a literal sense, but also in their heart, their attitude. They saw worship as paying their dues to God, doing what is required, and then when done the continued on with their own lives. I believe that it was those people who were never really satisfied with the Lord their God, and who had little strength or courage in turmoil, turning to grumbling at many corners.

However, there were also others in Scripture. People who followed the same pattern of religion as the others yet they seemed to be able to accomplish anything. Their hope did not fade, their faith did not die. Though they were challenged they withstood everything sent at them and their legacy was one of miracles, victories and joyful overcoming. What was the difference? Perhaps not that much in practice, but plenty, I think, in heart.

In Mark 8, Jesus said that those who try to save themselves and keep their lives would in the end lose them, but those who did not hold on to their lives but gave themselves, would gain them. I think this is the secret of those who drew close to God - the David who danced, the Daniel who prayed long, the prophets who sought the Lord hard - all those who seemed unshakeable and incredibly close to God.

They have made God their delight and received back the desires of their heart.

So too will we, if we will delight in Him - if we will be soft, pliable - allowing ourselves to be enticed and captured. Maintaining a relationship - passion, spark - is hard, it takes work. If we get into the attitude that we have always to be impressed by the other and by their actions then things will begin to die. We will suffer from the law of diminishing returns, becoming hard to what has come before and needing something bigger and more potent to meet our 'requirements'. However, if we can learn to delight, learn to receive, and by our will remain soft and pliable - whether towards God or our spouse - the response, the joy, will be there.

How then do we delight in God? We have to learn to control our mindsets, our moods and attitudes. Many find it hard to remain soft with the Lord, some don't even know how to start. They demand that God impress them, that God overwhelm them - whether by miraculous performance, irrefutable proof or some other means. It is upon God to move first, they say...and they're right. . I mentioned that God might be represented in the nature of men. One characteristic most accept is the men are the pursuers and the initiators. The thing is - and this is what I think we all need to remember - where God is concerned He has initiated, and He does pursue. God delighted in us from the start, loved us from the beginning, and in His delight He served, He sacrificed, He gave His life away. Christ crucified and dead is the proof of God's utter delight in us. All He awaits for is a response - whether it be for the first time, or years on when hearts have grown cold. I am convinced, that if any of us suffer from a hard heart, we need only meditate long and prayerfully upon the man of sorrows hanging upon the Roman instrument of death, and we will know God's heart, and it will move us.

In it He frees us, in it He empowers us by His love, in it are all the treasures of God.

"Delight yourself in the Lord..." - Open yourself up to Him each day in response to His delight in you. Soften your heart to hear His voice, allow yourself to be captivated by Him...

"...and He will give you the desires of your heart" - peace, presence, joy, Himself.

If you are feeling hard this day, far from God, look to the God who delights in you, the God upon the cross, and know that His heart is eternally towards you. Soften your heart, and enjoy Him, your delight.

God bless,

G.

Stunned

2005-09-02T18:29:00.000+02:00

The news is shocking in itself, of the suffering and plight which seems to have come so suddenly out of nowhere, but what is the most shocking and disturbing is the window into human nature which this almost unbelievable disaster has provided.

Rapes, molestation, murder, along with all the looting, carjacking and shootings. What is the nature of humanity that pursues its lusts and cravings whilst themselves in the midst of immense loss and suffering, and on top of that takes advantage of - takes from - those who are in the middle of the most needful and desperate time they have ever faced?

To be specific take this story of a man, whose wife was literally taken from him by the storm. Now imagine if in seeking shelter his child is taken and raped. This is going on right now, what is this? It feels as though New Orleans and the gulf coast states affected have been turned into Third World countries, and we are reading the reports out of a war-torn nation.

Riches and opportunity in this country cover-up so much. When they are now pulled away, what do we find beneath?

OSB

2005-09-01T08:24:00.000+02:00

Back in my days at college I wrote a mid-course paper on the concept of obedience in the Rule of Saint Benedict and its worth and application today. It was one of the papers I loved the most, I found the subject enthralling. What's more I loved so much of what I read in the rule. Benedict's humble attitude was insightful and wholly practical and it both inspired, encouraged and challenged me. In fact, I've made use of his examples a few times, one of those being in the holding of a 'Silent Breakfast' (learning actively consider one another) with some of the youth from my church. The other prominent thought that remains with me is his teaching on the Aboot, and how the monks are to serve, and be obedient to, him. There is indeed some great teaching on the subject of obedience, submission and faith with that book.

Apart from the Rule, I had to turn to other authors for research and one of those authors was a lady called Esther De Waal. She was someone who seemed to have been captivated by Benedict's writings, she wrote well and I enjoyed reading what she had to say. Well, only last week I came across one of her pieces online. It took me back a little to those days in college, and reminded me of what I enjoyed so much about the Rule and St. Benedict.

"When I first picked up the Rule one sentence leapt out at me. It was that statement in chapter 31 which discusses the role of the monastic cellarer, what we might call the business manager. Benedict tells us to handle the things of the kitchen, the pantry, the garden, with as much love, reverence and respect as the sacred vessels of the altar.
Now, in those days I was extremely busy with four boys, ages 12 to 17, and a husband in public life. I was trying to do a little historical work, when I could fit it in while running a vast house. If I tell you there were 47 stone steps in the spiral staircase leading to the top of the house and that the house had not been modernized in any great way, you will realize that life there could be quite hard.

I trust you can understand that I received this vivid text about the cellarer as a wonderful word. I was on a visit to Africa when I came across it. I was "moozingoo," which means feeling an enormous amount of pressure whirling about. I also was still a victim of a religious upbringing which told me that what God really wanted from me was that I should say a lot of prayers. I had the idea that the more uncomfortable they were and the more I suffered the more God was pleased. At one point, I determined to pray longer and in greater discomfort than my younger sister. Going to church, reading religious literature, giving up sugar during Lent, giving my savings to the mission field-- that's what God was looking for. There was no idea in my upbringing that God would be pleased if I helped my mother in the kitchen handling ordinary things like the dishes. I had no idea that matter mattered to God and that included my own body. There was no idea that the earth, the ground on which I walked, was an essential part of God's world. There was no sense that creation was important, that God was part of the ordinary and the day-to-day. Without noticing it, I was part of the great dualistic system of the Western world that splits the world between the holy and the profane, the sacred and the ordinary."

If that caught your interest, take at the rest of The Benedictine Charism Today.

G.

A Teeny Tiny Meme

2005-09-01T07:49:00.000+02:00

A little three question Meme for your participation. The questions came up on the CAA Forum which I frequent and I thought them quite poignant. I love random question like these, I think they help to show a side of a person that might not normally come out to any who are not around them regularly in person.

The way this works :-

If you have a blog then copy and paste these questions into a new blog and provide your answers there and in the comments section here - and give the opportunity for others to do the same from your own blog. If you have trackback, go ahead and trackback to this post.

If you don't have a blog then go ahead and post your answer in the comments section here anyway because I'm curious. :)

Three questions:

1) Meaning(less?)

If you had to devote your life to one quirky and pointless goal, what would it be?

2) Of Barbies, He-Man and Mr. Meccano

What is/was your favourite toy?

3) The Sweet Smell of...?

Imagine the technology existed which allowed you to not only receive sight and sound via your computer but also smell. What would be the scent of your website - transmitted to all who would visit?

For my part:

1 - I'd travel around the world and from place to place, sometime heading out to remote areas, others times stopping in the city - I'd do it all on foot where I could, but making use of various transportation just to be in those places of travel and I'd find a place, stop, close my eyes, stretch out my fingers, and listen, breathe, and feel. I'd take in the essence of the place around me, the scent, the sound, and the warmth or the cold, or the light upon my fingers and my skin. Then I'd crouch down, and put my hands to the ground and I'd just stop, and feel. If there was actual earth on the ground I'd take some of it up and rub it around my hands and smell the earth. Then after I had lingered enough I would move on, and all the time try to listen and to watch all that went on around me.

2 - I think I'm going to have to go with a stuffed Koala Bear toy that I had from when I was a baby until I was maybe ten or so. I really don't quite remember when I saw it last. Apparently it was a gift from my Uncle Cornelius, on my mother's side, who came to visit from Australia (and I've never seen him since). My answer though, really has nothing to do with him or long lost relatives, I just really loved that bear. It wasn't one of those plush toy things, it has the most realistic feeling fur, was a little squishable but not totally, and it tasted really good. Seriously. I used to suck on its ear all the time. I can still taste it now. I sucked on it so much that my mother had to sew that ear up several times to keep its stuffing from coming out.

The bear was my friend. It wasn't like regular bears, it was a Koala Bear, and it was cool, and it was lovely. Oh, and I also bit its claws off. It had these little black, plastic claws which were a bit pointy, so I nibbled them off. Ah, my fluffy Koala Bear friend! If there was one thing I could bring back from my childhood it would be that guy, and I'd keep him forever.

3 - Tricky one this. Immediate thoughts go to smells associated with me - my cologne, hair product etc. but those really aren't indicative of much. I think what I'd have to go for is trying to capture the essence of a fresh breeze. Perhaps the fresh sea air, or a light hill top or mountain breeze. I think I'd want people to get the sense of the freshness of the open air, because for me that is when I feel most alive, when I'm out in the open and the wind is just blowing freely where it pleases. I often just close my eyes, open my fingers out wide, and just feel the life in the world around me. Through my nostrils I breathe in and make a part of me that which cannot be captured, the freshness of the open, God's creation, no pollution, just the smell of the Vast Expanse.

God bless.

Making Decisions - Celibacy

2005-08-24T21:50:00.000+02:00

How's that for a title to grab your attention? I expect I now have a number of people intruiged, some concerned, wondering whether I'm considering the pursuit of a celibate life. Oh well! :)

The truth is I've not been blogging so much recently because I've had a lot on my mind, and when that happens I find it hard to focus on one thing or other. My brain goes into overload trying to balance out a million variables. I think I notice a pattern - there are times when I can write and write and write, and then I come to a place where I just go quiet. I might have a number of pieces unfinished, but I begin to need time to think, and to reflect. I'm not quite so sure how the pattern works and what other things may be involved as this is the first time I've really paid attention to it. I do know I can get incredibly frustrated with myself. It feels as though I go from focused and energetic simplicity to a complicated balancing act, where progress slows to a crawl. Whenever the latter comes on, I immediately add to it by trying to figure out what's wrong and solve it so I can get back to simple again, but I'm wondering now whether this isn't just a pattern of life.

Whatever the case, I'm in the middle of complicated and overloaded right now, so my apologies for the lack of writing, especially to Michelle, to whom I owe some answers for a Q&A. I haven't forgotten, it's just everytime I go to it, nothing seems to come of it. Perhaps I just need to learn to focus more, to set my mind to something and get it done instead of waiting for inspiration or confirmation on the task.

What I have been doing is reading bits and pieces here and there and so I'll throw a few links out. Last week I came across a news piece about a monk who was murdered. Brother Roger of the Taize community in Southern France was killed. He was the founder of the groups back in 1940 and the focus of the community is upon unity within the Church. There are some interesting pieces on the website about worship and meditation so take a look. Hopefully I will at some point blog some thoughts of mine on the subject of worship within church practise.

Now and again I stop by the My Utmost For His Highest website to read one of Chambers' devotional. Most are aware of the devotional classic, but for those of you who are not, or who are not aware of it's online incarnation, check it out here. Last week I found this day's offering pertinent and clarifying.

Now, as to the subject of celibacy I have of late been considering the subject of marriage. It might interest some of you to learn that up until I was about 19 I didn't have much of a desire for marriage nor did I think I would get married. I could see myself quite satisfied - in fact, most satisfied - remaining single and serving God. After that time, my position on marriage changed and I opened up to the possibility. For the past two or three years I have been completley open to marriage, learning much and seeing the wonderful design and work of God within marriage. However, for me it is not (yet?) a forgone conclusion. I can still see myself as living life without marrying and in being satisfied with such. I know most don't relate to that. It's my experience that for the majority marriage is a dream and goal from youth and something they can't imagine going without. That's not the case for me though. Marriage was never a lifelong dream, not that I despised it, it just never interested me and I didn't feel as though I needed it. In some ways I still don't. So I find myself in a place now where I am considering it, and can see so many of the joys it brings along with the complications, but it is also a place where I'm curious to know how those who chose celibacy came to that decision. I'm curious to know if they were people who felt happy to marry, who had the option, but who decided to go without it, or perhaps, to go with another option.

In Christian circles so much is spoken about finding the right person - the 'one' person whom God has for you - the forgone conclusion, destiny, your 'life which is waiting to happen'. Other sides will emphasise less the mysterious, spiritual quest for the 'one' and more the wisdom of a good decisions - a wise choice, and I suppose what I'm curious about is that idea of choice. How much of such big decisions is a matter of the revelation of divine will and how much is a matter of making a free choice?

So it is I've been taking a look around for people and places that might be able to offer me their experience in making that decision. Searching the subject of celibacy to try to gain a greater understanding of it, beyond the cliches that are so often fired off. One gentleman of the Order of Saint Benedict pointed me in this direction. That article offers an interesting perspective, focusing less upon the negatives of celibacy - 'going without' - and more on the positives - seeking to love all equally, giving oneself to all people, being equally available to them, and most available to God.

Another recommended website makes this statement in answering the questions of an inquirer:

"...if you get interested in a certain girl more than others you will find yourself declining invitations so as to be more with her. If Christ may be calling you to be celibate you will find yourself having to decline other invitations, because of where your heart is. That is the core of celibacy."

I'm not sure where all this is going. Only a few weeks ago I was away in San Diego on vacation and although the time off was fun, I was hoping for something more - for more free time to think, to pray and to write. I think perhaps that was a specific need and remains unmet, because I still have a desire right now to get away from everything and to think. Of course, I often get the desire to just get away from everything. I value the open, the space, and the ability to take time alone.

Still, upon my discovery of an OSB retreat house near to Tucson, the desire is quite strong to take some days and spend them away from everything.

Finding God's will can be tricky at times, and perhaps trickier still is the art of making decisions - the balance between seeking that which God desires and choosing things for oneself. Still, He is faithful, in the end He is able to work in spite of myself - and that helps me breathe!

God bless.

Lessons from a Geisha

2005-08-17T08:54:00.000+02:00

Okay, this one might prove a little controversial, but I'd like to bring up the subject of men and women. Recently I've been giving the subject some thought - about what it means to be a man or a woman, and more than that, a Christian man and woman. What roles are we to play, what responsibilities do we have, to our families, or churches, and with one another?

Not too long ago I came across a BBC photo journal about a Geisha. It brought up some interesting questions in my mind, and I think, some important subjects. So I offer it up for your digestion. It's short and there's no inappropriate material, so take a look. Now, before I go on, let me stop for a second and clear a few things up because I expect a number of you might have been a little shocked or put off at the word 'Geisha'. I'm no expert on the subject of Japanese culture, not by a long shot, so I've done some digging around and can, with some confidence, assert that whilst I make no defence or advocacy of the Geisha lifestyle it seems that a Geisha is not a prostitute but in fact more of a traditional hostess. A woman who learns traditional instruments, to sing, various practices etc. in order to entertain. For those who are interested, there is information available online (be careful how you search), but for the most part, information about the modern Geisha is actually quite sparse. Let me reassert that I am by no means advocating the Geisha 'lifestyle' or 'career' or condemning it, I really don't know enough to do either. I'd just like to share the image it brought to mind and some thoughts that came to me from it.

Okay, so getting into it, as I read through the short journal I stopped at pages six and seven. I found it intriguing that, if this lady's words are true and the role of a Geisha does not require her to offer herself physically, it seems men pay to be with her for her company; not for anything physical; to feel appreciated and respected. That strikes me as rather significant. As I continued to read it brought back to mind an internet piece that has made the rounds for a few years - The 50's Guide to Being a Good Housewife.

Now, I know a lot of people find that offensive, others humorous, but certain elements - greeting the man at the door, being prepared for him, listening to him and giving him priority, seemed to echo the account of the Geisha. The Geisha and the 50's Housewife? I pondered what that meant, that men are willing to pay for such a 'service'?

It wasn't too long ago that I had to run the radio station's booth at a visiting marriage conference. The event ran over two days and my duties involved me advertising the station and answering questions whenever the attendees were out on a break and wandering around. That meant, however, that when they were sat down in the conference, I had very little to do and could sit and listen myself. I was greatly impressed.

I've not been to many marriage conferences, in fact, that's my only one, but from what I hear it's unique. The conference in the Love and Respect Marriage Conference, featuring Emmerson Eggerichs, who wrote the book 'Love and Respect'. What makes the conference unique, I hear, is that as well as focusing on the subject of 'love' - specifically, unconditional love, how to give and receive it, and how it makes a marriage work, Emmerson balances it out with a need also for respect. Put simply, he states that men and women each have needs in a relationship. He asserts that for women, the main need is love, and without out they will begin to die emotionally. However, he says that for men the main need is respect. Now this is not to say that women do not need respect and that men do not need love, but that women need love in a way that men do not, and that men need respect in a way that women do not. He offers this illustration: How would a woman respond if her husband were to say of her, "Well, I really respect my wife and all that she does for me, but to be honest, I don't really love her"? Also, how would a man respond if his wife were to say of him, "Oh of course, I love my husband very much, but respect? No, he has to earn that!"?

If you don't know how the opposite sex would respond in those scenarios I challenge you to go and find out from some good, trustworthy friends. It might be eye-opening. Continuing though, as I sat and listened, a lot of what Emmerson has to say made sense, and I found myself almost on the verge of tears, thinking "This is exactly it! What he is saying about men is what so many people do not understand, and what so much of society is attacking. I felt the hurt and the frustration of past experiences, and the hope of a message that needs to be heard and that could do so much for the relationships of men and women, not just in marriage but in families and all through society".

What Emmerson would say is that a woman needs to be loved unconditionally, otherwise she will wilt, but for a man to thrive, he needs to be respected unconditionally. If not, then I think we start to see one major source of behaviours that destroy marriages and relationships. Women go elsewhere looking to be loved, and men do other things to feel respected. Going back to the Geisha, I think this is one of those things. Men go, not seeking physical pleasure, but instead to feel appreciated, treasured, and respected, instead of feeling like the school boy who after returning home from work, then has to try to meet up to all the requirements of the mistress whose tightly controlled domain he is now entering.

Of course, I'm now entering controversial territory and it's going to be very easy to read into a lot of what I'm saying, but please try not to. I'm doing my best to speak plainly, honestly, and accurately, without connotation. There are many other factors at play in a marriage or relationship which affect it's success. There is much responsibility on both sides, with both participants needing to take ownership of their own faults and behaviour, and much effort is needed to make the relationship work. What I saw in the story though, and what I'm trying to do here, is highlight something that many do not or will not mention because it's dangerous to talk about what women might need to do for men - it might sound like were accusing women, or trying to oppress them. I'm not though. I'm just trying to talk.

You see, instead of trying to always talk about 'rights' and demanding all of what is ours and fighting for this , that and the other, I wonder whether there is also a need now to just take a look at what works. To try to figure out what we can do for others and in our lives and relationships that will bring about the situations we desire and the happiness we long for. Christ taught that we should always look out for other before ourselves, and I believe that such is true especially in our closest relationships. If men could live lives that served and blessed their wives, then I don't know of any women who would fight that and who wouldn't want to then serve and bless them in return. Yet very many times, pointing out other people's problems and lack doesn't accomplish anything other than stirring up anger or resentment - and in no situation is this more so than when a woman does it for a man. Not because they're necessarily wrong in their assertions but because when it is not done carefully and with a lot of respect, then it is easy for the man to feel nagged - disrespected and insulted and belittled, and that makes it hard from him to want to respond positively. "Well that's just his problem, and he needs to get it sorted out!" Well perhaps he does, but is it just his problem? When he is in such a state it's also your problem, and if you want it changed, rather than complaining and providing a step-by-step full-colour description of his problem, why not look for something you can do to help things out. Do you want to be right, or do you want things to be better?

Guys respond well to respect. It draws some of the best out of them. It makes it easier for them to love and respond lovingly and often it is the one thing that will inspire them to serve. Men don't mind serving. In fact, their single-minded focus is entirely wired to direct them at serving a single purpose. When properly motivated they will serve that purpose through pain and suffering and even to death. There's something noble about it.

Coming back to the image of the Geisha then. I think there's a lesson for women about men. I heard it said that Geisha are just emotional prostitutes, giving men a service in a non-physical way that should come from their wives. Perhaps that's true. I don't advocate the behaviour. I do know though, that men are looking for respect and appreciation. I'm not talking about demanding it; men really do need it, it's natural and earnest. It may be hard, but there's a lot to be gained from learning to give unconditional respect. It's up to each one of us what we do with that.

The lessons don't end there though. It occurs to me that there's also a lesson here about women.

In terms of the role of a womanhood, I found within the image of the Geisha something that struck me as rather ironic. One the one hand, the Geisha could almost be a poster child for the feminist movement. She's empowered, she's independent, she working for herself, and what's more, she is displaying her power over a man. However, it occurred to me that should the feminists ever decide to put a Geisha on a poster, we'd be witnessing the feminist promotion of the traditional housewife. You see, when the Geisha 'gets out of the house and goes to work' - what she will be doing is staying in the house, preparing meals, and being the kind of woman who greets her husband, spends time with him, and serves him!

Obviously the terms 'Housewife' and 'Geisha' are not synonymous. However if we look at the image of the Geisha, I think it can be seen that a lot (most?) of her power is found in being a respectful and serving wife. A woman who takes joy and care in her role as a partner and support. The power that a woman wields over a man, is that which God actually intended for her in the first place when He created man and woman. Makes sense really, for what power is there that God does not give? That power can be twisted, it can be abused, but what it comes down to is that the role of housewife is perhaps the epitome of a woman's power and influence.

Now, let me clarify, I'm not trying to get to the point where I can state that I believe all women have to be housewives, or that they will only find fulfillment in being such. What I am trying to do is point out that whilst being a housewife was once not a choice, yet that does not invalidate the position of women as housewives, nor the work done by them. What is more, I have a feeling that the majority of women will sooner or later find such a role the most fulfilling of their lives. I say that not from my own superior knowledge or thinking, but from listening to the women I have been around and those I have encountered throughout my life and from my understanding of the Bible.

The occupation of housewife is not discredited just because at one point that was all a woman was allowed to do. It is a very good thing that women now have the choice of how they will spend their lives, not only in itself, which would be a wonderful thing, but because that choice enables the role of housewife to be seen in clearer light than ever before. Just as the Geisha could be seen as empowered, independent, and powerful, why cannot these terms be applied to the woman who chooses to spend her life managing a household and seeking to invest in her family? What is more empowered than that? A wife calms a man, blesses him, makes him more productive, challenges him to grow and mature, and has a pivotal role in raising the next generation of human beings.

When you consider many of the other pursuits in life - making money, spending money, having fun - the choice to be a housewife certainly seem to be an investment of much greater worth to society than those win the titles of 'Person Most Entertained' and 'Person with the Most Stuff'. I suppose though that depends upon the end gsoceity. If what we're aiming at is a world where everyone can have all the fun they want and as more money than they can spend, then having fun, making money, and spending it are goals in themselves. If not, then they seem amazingly short-sighted, and pardon my bluntness, the stance which declares that being a housewife is an unworthy life choice for a woman, is more a statement of selfishness than the battle-cry of a noble cause. And that is all the more sad when one considers that one of the greatest characteristics of women is that they are heroically unselfish.

To say that being a housewife is a poor choice for a woman is a not a statement concerned with showing the strength and ability of a woman. All women are born with strength and ability, God created them to be that way. Rather it is a statement concerned with making the pursuit of wealth and personal gain primary over the traditional roles of raising children and making a home and a family - creating and managing society. If a woman does not want to pursue those roles, then that's okay. That is her choice. What must not happen, however, is the condemnation of those women who do make that choice. The truth of the matter is that far from being restrictive, demoralising and a form of oppression, the role of housewife is one that tests a woman, requiring skill, devotion and perseverance, and one that offers a great sense of fulfillment and achievement. Each woman is born with the power to influence a man, and to change society, but no power is ever supposed to be put up in a glass case to be praised, nor is it to be abused. Any feminist can tell us that such have been some of the greatest faults of men. The modern catchphrase is true, 'With great power comes great responsibility'. I praise all those woman who choose to develop that power, and to make use of it as God intended - to build, to be a blessing, to love.

That is the second lesson of the Geisha. Being a woman devoted to home, husband and children is by no means demeaning or belittling. It is one of the most empowering, challenging, fulfilling and significant things a woman can ever do.

"I have nowhere seen women occupying a loftier position [than the one they enjoy in the United States]; and if I were asked, now that I am drawing to the close of this work, in which I have spoken of so many important things done by the Americans, to what the singular prosperity and growing strength of that people ought mainly to be attributed, I should reply: to the superiority of their women."

~ Alexis de Toqueville (1833)

Thanks to LAF for the quote.

Rolemodels

2005-08-09T07:35:00.000+02:00

Someone recently asked:

"In my opinion, it is so hard to find role models these days. Personally, I look to my mom and dad for guidance. They are my role models. Also, I consider my friends my role models at times. However, I know that Jesus is the ultimate Role Model of every Christian. So I'm wondering, who is/are your role model/models and why?"

I answered:

"You know the GOOD thing about imperfect role-models?

They show you how to get up after you've fallen down.

I've had some great rolemodels in life, none of them perfect though. Grew up from 13 though, without a dad. He left. So that was a big gap. I suppose I've had to model myself a lot from Scripture, and from those ideals passed down to me through the Bible and through history. The Truth. It is a difficult and challenging role-model, yet the most rewarding.

I suppose I've also modeled myself after some of the great heroes of the church. Those of strong faith who overcame and whose lives and efforts inspire. James Hudson Taylor comes to mind. Also George Muller. CS Lewis. Charles Wesley, and even St. Benedict - plus others. They have been my teachers along with some you probably haven't heard of Lisl Von Schweinitz, Ian Brons, Jeff Jackson, Tony Haworth, George Golding. Ones who I grew up with in church, who held fast to the faith, and lived lives of servants - servants of God who poured out their lives to bless men.

May I not shame their efforts, as the baton come to me."

More and more it occurs to me that those of us go before, or who are now in front, cannot forget those who are just setting out, or just aren't as far on. We have not only our duty to finish our race, but to pass on what we gain that others may benefit.

A fruitful humanity is not simply a world populated with millions of babies. It is a world populated by healthy people, coming into wholeness, and fullness of life. They themselves then reproducing not only body, but also character, skills and strength - life.

In Genesis Adam and Eve were commanded to go forth, multiply and be fruitful. Yet is not being fruitful more than just a numbers game? Is it not also a quality and a maturity game? Farmers, who could not just get grain as and when they pleased, did not take all of their harvest and sell it or eat it. Some of it they would keep that they may take the seeds and from that harvest they would plant the next crop.

We cannot take the fruit which God grows in our lives, and teaches us to grow, and simply eat it or even use it to feed others. We have a duty also to make that fruit multiply and become fruitful itself - by passing life and wisdom down to others. The gifts God gives to us are not only to be used, but also to be reproduced - to be made truly fruitful.

Your church is not simply a greenhouse where you can bask in the Son and gain strength and light. It is a allotment over which God gives each of us some responsibility and care. We must not only look to ourselves, or what we ourselves can do to help others, but must look also to those themselves - just as Christ has taught. Serve others. Yet how are they best served. Yes by feeding them, and bandaging them, but also by teaching them to garden, and to bind themselves or others in turn. Take of what you have and share it. Not only what your hands carry, but what your hands have learned to do.

Can you cook? Did your grandmother pass down to you the recipes with which you feed and make satisfied your family. Are you grateful for that ability? I think perhaps Christ would ask you, are there girls who do not have mother or grandmother as you did? Girls who would love to have a family and be faithful mother or sister, yet they don't know what to do? Who would Christ say they are to you? Share with them. Teach them.

Can you plumb? Are you glad you are able to help others, and to fix your house without having to have to pay through the nose every time something goes wrong, or keep asking the same people for help when they are busy? Are there boys who will need to be fathers and sons. Boys whose father has left them? Who then is their father now? Who will teach them what you were taught?

Can you garden? Decorate? Budget? Do you know cars? Do you dislike the lack of a work ethic that you see around you? What are your gifts? What are your blessings and strengths?

You're not only responsible to work for people. You're responsible for passing on life. :)

Be fruitful. Multiply.

Studies in Masculinity: Of Heroes and Heroism

2005-08-05T18:15:00.000+02:00

Thanks to the boys at Xmarks for the heads up.

Though I had not previously heard of him, a gentleman by the name of Ernest Alvia (Smokey) Smith has just passed away. Why such an event is worthy of note, is that 'Smokey' Smith performed certain actions during World War II which not only would earn him the Victoria Cross
but also serve as an example of some of what it means to be a man.

Some of his story can be found here and a tribute here.

Would that we had more such examples, and hear more such stories, to inspire and to guide.

Why is that hearing of such encounters stirs up the emotions and will of men? I think because so much of what it takes to make such a story, resounds with what it means to be a man.

Sacrifice, service, courage, resilience, and a will to fight to the last.

There is something within a man that tells him of his calling. That should ever the need arise for someone to protect against attack and defend against evil, if ever there is a call for someone to bear the brunt and to get dirty and damaged while maintaining peace for families and friends at 'home', his should be the first feet to cross the line, and the last to return when the job is done.

To be a man is to know that part of your calling is to be willing to die to prevent anyone else's ever having to.

Men like 'Smokey' Smith lived that, and they inspire us all to do the same.

Get An Education!

2005-08-05T08:21:00.000+02:00

Following on from a post by Michelle I thought I'd share a little something that occurred to me about a year and a half ago.

At the time, I'd be pondering the subject of relationships, particularly because I was considering one myself at the time. I was giving special consideration as to the pursuit of relationships brought me to such confusion, and frustration, and how they seemed to bring out some of the not so best sides of me. Then one day while out for a walk, having a bit of a pray, it occurred to me - "I don't know beans about relationships."

I thought I did. I thought I knew myself pretty well, and I thought I knew women better than most my age, but I realised that in reality I knew squat! Most of all, I had great difficulty in defining what a relationship was, or should be, and particularly, what I was supposed to be or do in the relationship. What was my role? I pondered it more.

Let me ask you a question. If it's true that in every other avenue of life, in order to succeed at something, one has to spend a lot of time learning and being taught, why is it that no-one seems to believe that this applies to relationships?

Every kid knows that if they want to play football for England then they had better start learning soon. The parents know they'll need input, and good coaching. At the age of 5 we go to school. Why? Because we, or our parents for us, want that we should be good at something, get a good job, succeed and be happy. Perhaps the idea that schooling will do all that is a little misguided but the notion is that we need to go to school, and work hard at it, from five years old to sixteen (eighteen in the USA) at the very least, often into our mid or late twenties, if we want to succeed.

Succeed at what though? The field of English language? Chemistry? Perhaps something more involved like medicine or law? It occurred to me that day that far more complex than any one career or pursuit imaginable are human relationships and especially that most involved of all relationships - a lifelong marriage to someone of the opposite sex. Language, chemistry, biology, history, law? Check. It has all of those. Plus countless nuances and that evil requirement of character - discipline, determination, patience, respect, and love

If this is true, why is it that we do not think this applies also to relationships? So many of us instead act in a way that suggests they're born with the innate ability to handle a relationship. We need no training! What's more, I think most of us also believe that we not only know how to do it, and are able, but that we know best what is going to work - for ourselves and for whomever we choose to inflict ourselves upon. :) So many of us, I think, truly believe that we are God's gift to the opposite sex!

So it was that I stood there that day and thought, "I need an education!" The question is, where does one go to get one? University? Erm, maybe not. No, the only source I could think of was... parents and older role-models. People who haven't just had to study the subject but have gone before and had to live it - preferably in a successful manner. This, however, brings up more problems.

Not everyone has access to what they might need in the way of positive, same-sex role-models. I know I didn't. My father having left when I was 13 (which I imagine was the age when I could really have used such input) I not only lacked an older male role-model, but I also lacked a picture of a successful relationship. I had only one half of the puzzle - a wonderful, faithful mother.

Perhaps the elders in the church should have stepped up. Maybe. More and more I believe that it is the duty of such godly men to do their best to influence young lives in a positive fashion. In all fairness though, filling the shoes of a missing father is a very, very, hard thing to do, impossible perhaps - it's certainly difficult to even know where to begin.

Still, I realised that I had to have had an education somewhere. Education is one of those things that if it isn't done properly, it wont stay undone but will just go ahead and do itself improperly with whatever resources are available. I started then by considering my teachers, and the only names that came to mind? Bond....James Bond. I'd been a fan since youth. Indiana, Gambit, Wolverine... and I don't know who else. Now what, it might be asked, do those famed and illustrious teachers have to offer? Well, take a look at their relationships and then have guess what I learned to do.

It wasn't intentional mind you, but I ended becoming someone who could charm a smile out of any girl, act impressive, inspire romance and get to the point where I could enter any relationship however I pleased and then... the film ends. Great education that. You get everything set up just they way you're supposed to and the course comes to an end. One problem though, life doesn't. It's no wonder I got confused and frustrated. Once you get the girl to swoon and fall into your arms...what happens next?

I cam to realise that I didn't just need an education, I needed something tougher, I needed a re-education. What to do then? Well, I just prayed. "God, Jesus, you got to be a man down here, so you know how it's done. In fact, you're a role model for even the most complete and successful men around, so I need you to teach me. I need you to teach me what it is to be a man, and a godly one. One who knows how to pursue a relationship and to succeed in all these things."

And so it was that I decided to begin my re-education. It's not been particularly easy. I still get confused at times - wanting for things to be natural, yet having to strive to carve a path in an atmosphere that often isn't too friendly (especially that atmosphere of my own soul). I have to say that my hesitations and long contemplation haven't always been easy for those close to me who just want to get a handle on everything - something I can't offer if I don't always have it myself. Nor has it been easy for the lady who holds my affections. I find that all I can do is keeping offering it all up to Him; laying it all out before Him in the open.

Actually, that's one of the biggest lessons I've learned this far. That what is done in secret or without clear definition is bound to become warped. That which has no boundaries and is being done out of place will go where it pleases - which most often is 'where it should not'. Yet when something is honestly and openly presented before God, and pursued in that fashion, then no matter what lies in the future, I believe He will guide it there, and will keep you omving soundly in the process. First lesson - whatever you do, present it before the Lord, and do it openly before Him.

Following on from that, I've been challenged to look at faith in a whole new way. Previously, having faith was a matter of finding out the will of God and then believing that He can help you do your part, and beyond you to do His. Now however, as I've had the experience of moving forward determinedly in areas where I do not having complete certainty of His will, my faith has had to expand, to not only God working through and without me, but also in spite of me. Lesson number two - God can be in control of my life, even when I make choices that point me in a direction that might be in contradiction with where He wants me to end up.

I suppose that's the key. That we can make decisions that might point us in the wrong direction, so long as the wrong direction is not our goal. To determinedly aim at God's will yet be mistaken in our choice is vitally different from determinedly going against His will.

We get so centered on ourselves, seeing ourselves as masters of our own destiny. We see God as only willing to act and help as long as we make decisions in accordance with His exact will. Yet we forget that He is able to retain control beyond ourselves. That He is not bound by our wills.

So it is that I walk whilst trying to balance many things. Listening to the wisdom of others, moving with the desires that come naturally, and pressing through what seem to be false barriers in my own mind. Oh that is the most difficult thing! Doing something that feels as though it is going against God's voice, yet something else tells you that perhaps it is not His voice but one's own! That is when that new faith comes into practise. That I can make decisions and there is room for mistakes. There is joy in knowing that He can keep safe and secure that which I have entrusted to Him for the future - my faith and my life. That is all I can do, entrust everything I have and do to Him, and often it is all I can put before others as I continue on with my 'further education'. :)

Regards.

Anime

2005-08-04T20:53:00.000+02:00

This might seem like a random post, but there's a purpose in it, trust me. Consider this a primer.

Manga - the term used to collectively label a type of comic book originating in Japan. They look and read just like western comics with the exceptions that instead of being thin they're more akin to paper-back novels and also they read from right to left. They're very popular in Japan, covering a number of genre from children's stuff to the weird and wacky, the sloppily romantic to high adventure, and even that which is lamentably 'adult' and to be avoided.

Anime - the animated cartoon version of manga . A lot of anime series are simply animated (anime = animation... get it?) version of manga comics but some are created as anime originally. Some of the more common anime incarnations are Dragon Ball Z, Yu Gi Oh or Pokemon. Those are some of the more well known ones here in the West, but please don't be sick just yet! As I said, there are many varieties of anime and manga; some are just silly, others are very serious.

I've never actually read any manga but have seen a few anime. I tend to be very picky on what I will or wont watch as there is a lot of junk out there, some of it weird, other stuff disgusting, but I do like the distinct style of animation and artwork and when you find the good series out there they can actually be quite uplifting, thought provoking, and an enjoyable form of entertainment.

If you're going to take a dip into the world of anime/manga I'd recommend you find someone who knows a bit about it and whose opinion you trust to give you some advice or suggestions. If you can't find anyone, I'd be happy to help! :) (Check out The Christian Anime Alliance and ChristianManga.com)

Beyond The Game

2005-07-28T01:15:00.000+02:00

What a magnificent weekend! The monsoon season has kicked off here in Tucson, and although it's yet to reach full force, the occasional storms so far have been very welcome. I love the moody skies turning moodier still until they break and pour out a deluge upon the city. The thunder crashed as the lightning struck the earth and I got the chance to be out walking when one of these storms hit.

I can safely say that the monsoons are the best weather Tucson has to offer. I'd almost recommend people pay a visit to Tucson just to experience them. In fact I think I will. If you have a spare week, come down to Tucson when the monsoons are on and just enjoy traveling round and walking during the stormy weather. Bring a camera, and bring a jacket!

Actually, it was during that walk in the rain this Saturday that I found myself praying as I went and after while the only prayer that was pouring out from my lips was a request for the Lord to take me around the world, forsaking all else, that I might be used as His tool to be used to do His will in the lives of others, wherever He might lead. I so strongly desired to see God's power at work and doing amazing and wonderful things in the lives of people from peasants to kings, businessmen to playboys, anyone, anywhere. I would rather be standing drenched, on rain soaked street, in some far reaching corner of the world, with nothing but the shirt on my back, hearing from God and seeing His kingdom advance, seeing lives change, than back at home, sat inside, doing nothing but eat, watch TV, play games, or even just sitting around and arguing the finer points of Bible controversies. There's just something about breathing the air, feeling the wind, and being in the midst of the rain, whilst walking before the Lord that just feels alive!

Skip forward now an hour or so. My brother and a friend are planning to go to the mall to walk around, check out some shops, and maybe pick up a DVD. Having been invited to go along, I joined them and what an hour it was. From the moment we got into the mall until the time we left I was struck by a sense of the lack of purpose in so many people's lives. Almost everyone there is decked out and dressed to impress. They are all trying to look their best, whether that's to be attractive or just plain impressive. I couldn't help but feel the hopelessness as it seemed that everything about the people there, about the whole place, is to look good, and acquire things. Rags and trinkets to be worn as badges of honour and achievement in the game of life. If you can't meet the standard then you wont succeed in the game - although there are those who aim their sales low to entice those who can't play in the majors. They offer imitations, alternatives and sneaky 'deals' the cost of which the hapless buyers don't fathom, and bless their hearts for doing so. I mean if they didn't help out these runner-ups, what would they do? They be out of the game, and to be out of the game is...well...unmentionable because the game - the game is everything!

As I watched I thought about it more and it occurred to me that the commercial world now sells so well that we don't even realise we're buying. We just see ourselves as living our lives, not thinking that there is anything else. We're taken in by an amazingly clever head-fake. Within the dazzling universe created by the money-making machine we're encapsulated with the millions of options offered us, think therefore that we're choosing when really it's a million versions of the same thing. We can't see the forest for the trees. We ask, "What today am I going to spend my money and my time on in this lovely shop?" and we do not realise that we do not have to spend anything in that colossal store, but can instead leave and shop elsewhere.

Thus we pay our tithes to the pop-culture pantheon and as we listen to their sermons in digital video with surround sound, we end up living our lives in as faithful a way as possible to honour the teachings of those fickle gods.

So I left the mall pondering all of this and headed on to H2O, our college-age ministry, to help set up for a worship concert. During the pre-service prayer I got quite inspired, and was looking forward to what was to come. It wasn't long before everything got going, and in the midst of the worship I started flipping through the Scriptures. The theme of love was on my heart so I turned over to the letters of John, and there in 1 John 2 I read it:

^"16For everything in the world, the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has, does comes not from the Father but from the world. ¹⁷The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."

In two simple verses the experiences of the day had been summarised. Truly the culture of the mall is defined by those three things - craving, lust of the eyes and boasting in the pride of life. Acquiring possessions, the pull of the new; to look good, attracting the looks of others and indulging the mind and eyes in the body; to attain prestige by means of labels - clothing gadgets etc.

It truly seems that nothing is new in this world. Yet it's not just the recurring desires, but also the experience of the temporality of it all. Who hasn't felt the regret or disappoint of longing after something so strongly, battling with whether to invest one's hard earned time and money in it, parting with the cash and then sooner or later realising that it was of little worth? Your purchased prize becomes either out-dated or you grow beyond it. It's value was little and short-lived.

At the same time, those who have experienced the things of God, who have felt His permanent work in one's life, to be transformed, to see others grow and break free, know the immensely pleasurable joy of having received, or invested in, something worthwhile - the eternal. Something that will last and has meaning. Even to have received the gifts of God (not speaking spiritually now), in relationships and even material things - which have really satisfied, been of use, and a true blessing. There is another way to live - beyond the game!

As I continued to pray that night, it occurred to me that time is like a horse race. God set it up, He started it, and He was the first horse on the track. As time unravels other horses enter the fray, many looking stronger and moving faster than the original. Each generation we all get to come to the tracks and choose a horse to bet upon. Each generation has it champions, and for the time those new and exalted rivals draw the money, glory and indulgences of many. However, for those with the patience and wisdom, who have watched and studied the race over any period of time, it becomes evident that many such horses have come and gone, soon falling out of the race they entered oh so proudly. As the glitter and the dust settle, one horse remains constant on the track, enduring all that can be thrown at it and the ravages of time; and only one horse is going to finish.

So many of us live in the world of the loud-mouthed vendors. Most are born into it, hearing their exaggerated sales pitches about the latest mares and the most impressive stallions. All many of us know is the world of new contenders. Yet if for a second we can pull away from the smoke filled lounge, and sit quietly at the track, watching the race. If we can look at the unglittered schedule. We'll see that we have an option. We can choose to step into an often empty betting booth and put all of our money on a lone runner, who shows up in every round and never drops out. Who is occasionally featured in the reviews and debates of the loud-mouths but never enters the self-aggrandizement or merry making. We can put our name by that booth and in doing so enter in the forgotten back area of the track to stand and share friendship with those who are patiently waiting for the day the race ends.

So it was that I fully rejoiced in the worship that night; surrounded by those who had all placed their bets in the same booth as I - inspired to praise with a joy and commitment not always felt. On my lips, some words of encouragement for my companions who sometimes, like that night, seem to have forgotten what they were a part of; wondering about the things they've missed, or tired from enduring the jeers of the revelers outside. The song of those who have seen things rightly, a passage with which God had touched me only a few days prior.

1 Chronicles 29:10ff

"Praise be to you, O LORD,
God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all.
12 Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.
13 Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name."

Wealth has it purpose, as do strength and youth, and possessions are a blessing. Only though, when they are in their place. The service of the Lord is primary. Offer up praise to Him, and lay all things openly before Him. Then, when His purposes are served and all due honour and sacrifice are given to Him, life will find its fullness, and joy will not disappoint.

Two final words then. First, to those who seek to maintain their laughter and their joy, filling their lives to distraction with every form of entertainment, James would speak:

^"1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? ²You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures...

^...9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom." 4:1-3 & 9

There is joy to be found, and an end to the game, but it is not through cheers and smiles of entertainment, the volume of avoidance or the stiff upper lip. It is found in a seeking of reality, and the discovery of a grave truth. It is, then, in the resolution of which truth that the joy and freedom are found.

Second, to those who have already mourned and entered that oft forgotten place, some words of encouragment from the brave who went before:

14 "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. 15 We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. 16 O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. 17 I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. 18 O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you.

And now, to return to the rain, the thunderstorm is calling... :)

Prayer Request

2005-07-20T23:29:00.000+02:00

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask for prayer because I've been feeling quite unsettled recently. I'm not sure what's up. I think I'll have to spend some time seeking God to figure it out, but it's not the nicest feeling. There are just some days where I don't have too much joy, and an unsettled feeling.

Also, I'm facing some big decisions some time this year - not sure when or what - waiting on the Lord's leading on a few things, but they're big - where are you going to live, what are you going to do, and with whom kind of questions.

I recently had the pastor of the church offer me a couple of positions and with all this flying around, some clarity, confidence and joy would be nice.

Your prayers are appreciated.

Thank you.

G.

Celestial Navigation 1 - Introduction

2005-07-19T21:18:00.000+02:00

It was back in November two years ago that I was in San Diego with my family. An enjoyable trip, and made more enjoyable by the fact that while we were there the 'Star of India', the world's oldest active ship, was scheduled to have her annual jaunt out of harbour with a flotilla of ships. We got down to the harbour in time to see her return in full sail. It was a magnificent sight, all of those ships with their sails flowing, and being around the sea and ships always fills me with a great desire to chuck in my job and everything else and go sailing around the world. I've wondered a few times whether I wasn't born a bit too late and might have been more suited to a life on the coast or waves somewhere between 1500 and 1800. Of course, my reality chip soon kicks in and knock the stuffing out of my romantic notions with visions of scurvy, lice, and maggot filled bread.

Still, I can't help but admire the simplicity of some forms of life, along with the determination and hard work exemplified in those men and women who cut a path through life, mastering all the challenges before them and finding joy in harder times than the ones I live in. I'm also awed by their accomplishments in various fields, and one in particular captivates me. The skill of celestial navigation - piloting a ship around the globe using only charts and the heavenly bodies is both an art and a science that fill me with awe. Perhaps to the pure scientist it is a simple matter-of-fact affair, and to the artist it lacks self-expression. I think however, that it is with those who lie somewhere between the two that celestial navigation finds its true and full appreciation. The physical principles that govern the practice are reasonably simple, yet in its simplicity it must be accurate and consistent or else it will not work. It is a science that cannot be left alone to sit for a while, but must be combined with a man's will and with his discipline. It shows not only mental ability but also confidence and strength.

At the same time, for all the very capable and disciplined scientists in the world, I feel that very few of them, if any, would be found living such a life on the sea. The same is true for the pure romantic. The life itself is a hard one, involving much repetition, at times very harsh conditions, with outside forces often dictating one's actions and decisions and influencing one's choices. It suffers from a lack of some of the niceties of both life and the lab and would be, I think, quite unbearable to anyone who does not have both the aspect of the romantic artist and the disciplined scientist in his soul.

Those who seek the finer attributes of humanity, character, and those who can appreciate the beauty of this world in all its aspects, will find that they have more than enough room from growth and discovery in a life upon the seas. However, those who can only appreciate but have no discipline, who do not like to be pressured or influenced by outside forces, will not endure it. The pure scientist and the utter artist alike, will either avoid such a life, or will rot within it.

Getting back then to San Diego, after the ships had returned to harbour I took the opportunity to enter the maritime museum they had there. After rummaging through some books I found one which was a text book used in various naval training capacities to teach the practise of celestial navigation. It was a thin book, and looked clearly presented, so I decided to purchase it with the aim of learning for myself the disciplines and skills of those courageous and able seamen who had gone before. "Perhaps one day," I thought, "I may have a chance to make use of it." At least, I hope so!

Well, I haven't quite made it all the way through the book yet. My reading of anything tends to be sporadic, however, I have to say that it is perhaps the most spiritual 'non-spiritual' book I've ever read. It's title is simply 'Celestial Navigation' and having made my way through the first chapters I have to wonder whether its author, Tom Cunliffe, is not a Christian. Reading only the 'Foreword' and 'Introduction' I was smiling and inspired, and it is my discoveries there that I'd like to share with you here.

I plan post a few entries on this subjectm but for now I'll leave you with this introduction, and a quote from the introduction of the book. Read over all this and give an ear to what you might hear, you might be surprised.

J W Norie,
Norie's Practical Navigation (mid-nineteenth century) :

"NAVIGATION is that art which instructs the mariner in what manner to conduct a ship through the wide and trackless ocean, from one part to another, with the greatest safety, and in the shortest time possible."

Dropping In

2005-07-12T17:38:00.000+02:00

I just wanted to drop in with an update. Things have been a bit busy recently, and though I've been working on a couple of pieces I haven't finished anything. Blogging can be a bit of a difficult affair for me. I don't like to rant or just post any old thing about my life. I try to only post when I feel like God has definitely spoken, to show me something or share something. To some that might seem a bit 'over spiritual' or perhaps just neurotic but I believe that those who would put themselves forward as teachers, leaders or any who inspire, especially in matters of faith and God, should be very careful about what comes out of their mouths, - or through their fingers! I'm not flawless in that regard, not by a long shot, and I plan to have a review of the material posted so far that I might have the opportunity to retract anything spoken out of place, and perhaps revisit a subject or two.

Recently I've been praying a lot about my own future as things may well be changing drastically in the not too distant future. For any of you out there who walk with God in this Vast Expanse, I'd appreciate your prayers as you talk with Him.

On another subject, last Friday saw my 25th birthday come and go. I had a good time, leaving work at 2pm and then having an amazing lesson at the Arizona Ballroom Co. (yup, I'm learning to dance). Following that I, and a bunch of friends saw the recent Fantastic 4 movie. I heard a deluge of bad reports so was weary going in. I left having enjoyed it, no idea what they were all complaining about. It was no epic but as far as paying $5.50 and sitting down for and hour or two, I found it an enjoyable way to pass the time. Such was the general consensus in our little group.

After the movie I had no plans but my brother did. He'd planned a get together at a friend's house so they kidnapped me and we all just invaded the home, playing pool, fussball, and whatever else people at silly birthday parties do. Oh and I do mean silly. Instead of a cake I got a hotdog with three matches stuck in it - on a paper plate made to look like a face with ketchup, bread and mustard!

Actually, now I'm thinking about it, my brother did throw in a game of his own invention which I'll share with you. He called it 'Needs, Wants, Deserves'. The games was simple, hand out pieces of paper and pens to everyone and then have them write down any one or more of the above as concerns me - Something they think I need, want and/or deserve. A bit of a recipe for cheeky remarks knowing my group and I got my fair share, although there were of course some very nice people who showed kindness! :) If by any chance there are some of you out there who feel like you missed out, I'll offer you the opportunity to be part of the birthday fun and extend an invitation to leave your own contribution to 'Needs, Wants, Deserves' in the comments of this post.

Finally, there were the gifts. Quite a nice bunch, and a shout out to my friend Drew who gave me Das Buch - a guide/tip/extended play book for the game Settlers of Catan. I'm a bit of a board game fan and Settlers is a favourite. Thank you.

Perhaps the most unique gift though was my mother's. She bought me a Fukien Tea tree - a bonsai. I'm having a little difficulty with it right now but I'm determined to learn and see it flourish. A beautiful tree it is and I'd been thinking about getting into some kind of gardening for a while - there's something about hobbies thatr cultivate life, the joy, satisfaction and benefits not found elsewhere. Assuming I get through these difficult early stages, expect some 'Gospel According to Miyagi' related posts down the line!

God bless, I look forward to reading any comments and also to posting again soon.

How To Fight?

2005-07-07T17:50:00.000+02:00

I think many hearts and minds are focusing now on what these London bombings mean. What will the response be? How do you fight this?

Some fear hate-filled responses attacking the Muslim community, others are already complaining about action in the Middle-East and how we 'brought this on ourselves', and still others are screaming for someone to pay.

I think we have here an opportunity to rally and rebuild. For Britain to break out of it cynical, divisive, self-focused shell - a sickness that has fallen upon the modern country - and regain its true heart.

I also think that for this war on terror to be successful it's going to require the Muslim community to really dig deep and get involved. They are going to have to make sure that the terrorists hiding among them can no longer use them as a shelter. They need to clean house and oust those within who are involved giving them no place to hide. From acquaintances to religious leaders to whomever, the Muslim community needs to work on this from the inside. Someone must know who these people are. Conventional warfare is limited in its effect.

And all people need to rally round, help out in the aftermath, and be clear and supportive in the definition between the good and the bad.

EDIT:

An addition. In events like these as the facts and figures come in to give definition to the damage done we often hear of 'the death toll' and of numbers 'injured' either some 'seriously'. It's easy at times to focus on the dead and with a 'phew' brush aside the injured thinking of cuts and scrapes and bruises. I just heard something though that is an important reminder. When we hear of '350 injured' some may have been fortunate enough to get away with only a minor cut or scrape, however there will be some in that number, some of the '350 injured' fortunate to escape with their lives yet they will never walk. Others will be learning of the next years to live with only one arm. For some the world, in an instant, went silent and it will always remain so, the voices of their loved ones remaining now and forever a memory. Still others will come to experience the guilt and pain of what it is to begin to forget the faces of those closest to them, the memory of vision escaping their grasp. '350 injured' - lives changed forever by this day. Sight loss, hearing lost, for some both. Brain damage, mobility, missing limbs. Such is the fate of those 350 who get to be the 'lucky ones' who were not amongst the dead.

God's grace be with you.

Ashes

2005-07-07T15:28:00.000+02:00

London: Yesterday

Today

Right now, those in Britain need to gather together to clear things out, then we look to the future.

The Olympics afford us a great chance for rebuilding. It also affords us though a chance to look at the heart, and rebuild inside not only without. Strength, growth and character.

Lift up your prayers, and if you can, offer your support.

Women Are Beautiful

2005-06-30T18:15:00.000+02:00

Hat tip to Mo for the link. Mo's Journey.

If I may...

I came across this news piece: Women and beauty

Basically it states that 1 in 4 Japanese women considered themselves uglier than other women. However it also looks at stats for other nationalities and apart from Brazilians and Argentinians, no nation had a majority of women who thought they were attractive.

This blows my mind and saddens me. I think it's this insecurity about their appearance that leads women to make awful compromises, endure much abuse and suffering, have low esteem. You see if a similar question had been asked of guys - how attractive they thought they were, how charming etc. I'm almost certain there would have been many majorities in the positive. Yet I think that if you asked the guys, the majority would tell you that women were far more beautiful and attractive than they - and in a whole different way. Beauty is something inherent to the female nature in a way that it is not in men - even for the most attractive of males.

You women are beautiful. You appeal to us men by your very nature. This notion of the 'ideal woman' is nothing more than an extensive advertising campaign. It is a cleverly marketed scheme that finds its roots in first of all creating the image that appeals most to men's sexual natures - a lithe, and instinctual amazon type woman - but also appeals to a notion in women of having to be subject to men oppression or at their mercy. I think it plays on women's fears and men's desires, for a strong sexual partner who can and will engage in games and fantasy. They then market this image telling men this is what to look for, and women, this is what to be.

It is however quite false. Take a look at generations and there has been no one 'ideal woman'. Some societies praised thin women whilst others the voluptuous. Beyond appearance however, I think what makes women attractive is simply female nature. Men like....women. Apart from a few who are trying to live in the false fantasy world of image and the media, the vast majority of men are looking for a woman who is what God intended. A friend, a companion, and a female. Femininity, and true femininity - not feminism nor old image of an overly fragile ornament.

Yes it is possible for a woman to 'let herself go' and to start becoming unappealing to her man. I think perhaps it isn't so much any specific physical state that is unappealing but that woman doesn't care about her state or want to care for herself that matters. I think there is something in being a woman that includes looking after oneself and making oneself appealing and presentable.

Then of course there's the matter of good health. Both men and women have the duty to look after their health and excessive weight gain or other issues that become unhealthy are problems in themselves regardless of appearance. Ultimately I think that a woman who is healthy, full of life, and who is feminine will always be beautiful for that is who she is created to be. As for being truly beautiful, that is a matter or the soul's condition. For a woman who has no inner beauty will never keep a man, even if she can attract them with a physical appearance of the models and movie stars we see so much of. What's more, that inner beauty, especially the presence of the Lord, affects one's outward appearance. The Bible talks of the eyes being windows of the soul, and I believe there's a deep mystery or truth in that. There is a beautiful and tangible light to the eyes, sweetness in the smile and joy in the presence of a woman who has the Lord living within her.

What's It Worth?

2005-06-30T00:53:00.000+02:00

I'm moved. As I got into bed last night I picked up an old, small paperback and started to read. The story was that of Jim Elliot and four friends; missionaries who had chosen to go to Ecuador to reach the unreachable and truly savage Auca Indians. I read of a sparkling young man full of promise, top of his class, physically fit with the world at his fingertips. I read of his attainment in school and ministry and love for God which lead him to desire to serve God in the world. I read how when he spoke to others in his life, family and friends, about the desire and call to go to South America and spend his life reaching the remote and savage tribe, many tried to persuade him to stay in America where his passion and giftings could be put to good use and not waste his life out in the middle of nowhere. On the matter of wasting his life I heard him say this:

"The Lord has given me a hunger for righteousness and piety that can alone be of himself. Such hungering He alone can satisfy, yet Satan would delude and cast up all sorts of other baubles, social life, a name renowned, a position of importance, scholastic attainment. What are these but the objects of the 'desire of the Gentiles' whose cravings are warped and perverted. Surely they can mean nothing to the soul who has seen the beauty of Jesus Christ.... No doubt you will hear of my receiving preliminary honors at school. They carry the same brand and will lie not long hence in the basement in a battered trunk beside the special gold 'B' pin, with the 'ruby' in it for which I studied four years at Benson. All is vanity below the sun and a 'striving after wind'. Life is not here, but hid above with Christ in God, and herein I rejoice and sing as I think on such exaltation."

"There is no such thing as attainment in this life; as soon as one arrives at a long-coveted position he only jacks up his desire a notch or so and looks for higher achievement-a process which is ultimately suspended by the intervention of death. Life is truly likened to a rising vapour, coiling, evanescent, shifting. May the Lord teach us what it means to live in terms of the end, like Paul who said, 'Neither count I my life dear unto myself, that I might finish my course with joy....'"

For what are we living? How are we spending our lives? And take note of that word, 'spending' because I believe there is a lot of truth tied up with it. Each day is an allowance from our Heavenly Father. How will we spend it? We know how to spend money. We hold notes in our wallets - notes which could be used for anything. We consider what it is that we want and we make a decision. We walk up to the counter and we hand over the notes losing them forever and receiving in return some product or other.

Many of us know the experience of spending our money on that which was not worth it. The feeling of waste, wishing we could get our money back, but having to resign ourselves to learning a lesson for wiser future spending. We also know the joy of money well-spent. We would not trade it for the world. The question is, how are we spending our days, our lives?

It was only last week I heard that the average American child watches 3-5 hours of television a day. 3-5 hours! Do they not know what can be done with 3-5 hours? Do we not know? What has life become? Is it simply a matter of filling our time with as much distraction as possible - trying to stay as entertained as possible until we die? Even our work is geared toward earning more money that we can have nicer houses and wider screen TV's so that we can be entertained more comfortably and more sharply. We are a people of comfortable entertainees. What a waste.

I can watch a thousand movies and if I'm lucky or clever I can have a million thoughts about them, but at the end of those movies, what have I? My body is fatter, slower, and my knowledge of the screen expansive. Yet if I step outside my door what have I there? When I go to my neighbour what do I offer? When the time comes when all TV's pass away and the millions of dollars to produce shows, and the scripts and the clever ideas all pass away, what is left? What are we aiming at?

There is no joy there.

In his diary of the summer he wrote: "'He makes His ministers flames of fire.' Am I ignitable? God deliver me from the dread asbestos of 'other things.' Saturate me with the oil of the Spirit that I may be a flame. But flame is transient, often short-lived. Canst thou bear this, my soul- short life? In me there dwells the Spirit of the Great Short-Lived, whose zeal for God's house consumed Him. Make me Thy Fuel, Flame of God.'"

Wake up. Look outside your window. Consider the breeze and the width of the world. Consider all that life has been. The working of hands, the learning of skills, the trials and journey to make a better life - the growth of humanity - for what? To know about a fictional realm? Consider the plans of God. What are His plans for humanity? What are His plans for your life or the life of your neighbour? For what purpose did He create you?

We are experts at distraction. We concoct drugs of all types and all potencies. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. We miss the point.

"I dare not stay home while the Quichuas perish. What if the well-filled church in the homeland needs stirring? They have the Scriptures, Moses, and the prophets, and a whole lot more. Their condemnation is written on their bank books and in the dust on their Bible covers."

Look out your window and consider the potential and the need.

Half a world away there may be some tribe who haven't even heard of God. They have not heard the words 'Jesus' 'Christ' or 'eternal' 'life', and were they to hear them, they would have no definition.

Half a city away there are those who are running out of hope. They feel trapped or abused and their lives are quickly draining away, if they don't cut it short.

Next door there is a neighbour who never had the opportunities you did. She hasn't heard your stories. She doesn't know your God. She may be crying each night away.

In your room, there's a TV and a computer on, and you sit there involved in the lives of those who don't exist or living your life that exists only in your mind.

Look out the window instead of watching the TV and ask God who you are. Ask Him what He's up to. See if He has anything for you to do.

Such is love.

What's Worse?

2005-06-27T19:00:00.000+02:00

On the forums at the Christian Anime Alliance the other day I came across a post which asked the question, what's worse to portray on screen, sex or violence? The poster stated that she thought it was obviously sex, but that others had said they're both equally inappropriate.

I'd argue for people having to be far more careful and restrictive with showing sex than violence even though I think you could argue that in a perfect world, sex would exist and violence would not. Here's why:

1. Public versus private.

2. The nature of watching.

1 - Neither sex nor violence are wrong in themselves, what makes them wrong or right is the context in which you find them. Sex is simple, it has only one valid context and that is marriage. Furthermore, within marriage it is to be a private act, not public. That is, sex should never be seen anywhere beyond in your own life, with your spouse, in private. Within that context, there should be plenty of it!

Violence is a bit more complex. The proper context for it is in stopping or preventing other 'invalid' violence. There is no valid violence without invalid violence. Whilst violence can and does take place in private, that is, you defending yourself with no-one else around, yet if someone were it would be right and dutiful for them to get involved. Point being, that there is something public about the nature of violence. It requires the involvement/reaction of outside parties.

Therefore, whilst sex should never be seen by anyone other than those two spouses taking part, valid violence should be created by someone responding to the invalid.

2 - Sex by nature, and very heavily on the male part, is something that incorporates the visual in the act itself. Seeing a naked body and being affected by it is part of sex, there are physical affects from the visual stimuli - as it should be. Therefore, when sex is shown it starts to create in the person watching a sex response out of context. Both the person(s) displaying and the person(s) watching are participating in the sexual act, in a way that should not occur. It should be private but is in fact public. There should be no such thing as public sex, yet gratuitous displays of flesh/naked bodies and more is perhaps definable as such - public sex.

For violence however, the visual aspect is not something intrinsic to the act. Watching violence is not committing violence in the way that watching sex is participating in it. Seeing violence committed (to oneself or someone else) whilst hopefully prompting one to act, does not have an effect like sex does.

There is however, a watching and enjoying of violence which is wrong - when you see something and fail to act, or you gain pleasure in the pain and suffering of others, which shows that something is corrupt within you. Such corruption, as with many other things, can be bred, and should be avoided.

Watching violence makes you think, how should I act, how should I respond, what's going on, and that thinking should lead to a public act which is valid.

Watching sex forces a response within you, and creates an invalid, public act which may or may not be developed further.

Hope that made some sense.

Violence is a social issue in a way that sex is not, and the natures of the two mean that the act of watching is something very different between the two.

Portents of Ambidexterity

2005-06-20T16:18:00.000+02:00

An interesting article here from a writer at the LA Times, and found in Yahoo News, via LAF. It speaks of the physical differences between brains of men and women. No massive behavioural conclusions drawn but it's certainly intriguing, if not politically correct, and I'm curious to here more on this subject. Especially since I whilst my right hand is dominant I use my left for writing and other fine motorskills - I wonder then what that means about my brain.

Anyway, go and read it.

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-20T16:10:00.000+02:00

The Patriarch

More noble than the valiant deeds of shining knights of yore,
More powerful than earthly plights that make the rich man poor,
More kingly than a royal throne or a lion with his pride,
Is he whose babes sleep well at night sure Daddy will provide.

There is a spirit in this land and Jezebel’s her name.
She’s calling you to leave your home for power, fun, and fame.
She wants your wife, your children too — she’ll never compromise,
Until your house is torn in two by listening to her lies.

But though a hundred thousand million men may fall prey to her lures,
And wives en masse leave home in search of “more fulfilling” chores,
Though preachers praise, and friends embrace, her pagan plan of death,
Stand strong and quit you like a man with every blessed breath.

Stand strong and rise, O man of God, to meet this noble call,
The battle is not new you see, it’s been here since the Fall.

Your wife is your helpmeet, my friend, and not another man’s,
So care for her and keep her far from Mistress Jezi’s plans.
Protect, provide, and give to her your undivided life,
This is the dear one of your youth, your precious bride, your wife.

And rally to those tiny ones who trust you for their care —
A lifetime spent discipling them’s a lifetime pure and rare.
For when they put their hand in yours and know a Daddy’s love,
You’re showing them a picture of the Father from above.

Look not toward worldly goal or gain, or for your liberty,
Look only into their sweet eyes to find your ministry.
Devote your heart and sacrifice and make your manly mark —
There is none so great as he who finds his call as patriarch.

~Douglas W. Phillips

Found at LAF

Batman Begins...and so should we

2005-06-18T10:37:00.000+02:00

I'm rather happy to say that I was one of a privileged few who got to see the new Batman movie two days early in a PR screening. Thanks to 'Heroes and Villains' in Tucson for helping to put it on. Batman Begins is a great movie by the way and gets a high recommendation from me. Forget the other four, they were practise, this is where the saga starts. Nothing wrong with this movie at all, so if you've been waiting a long time for a movie that you can sit down, watch and at the end come out feeling you've had an enjoyable time with no regrets, go see it. When I see it for the second time it'll be some of the best $9 I've spent at the movies in a long time. I'd leave younger kids at home though, even though there's no sex, cheap lusty thrills or language to contend with, fear and justice are two main themes, and there are a number of startling and scary scenes that might leave younger viewers a bit haunted.

Anyway, what I wanted to write about this time was something I picked up in the movie. As soon as I heard it come from the lips of Rachel (Katie Holmes) I was struck hard and knew there was a message in her words that would see me at this keyboard soon enough. 'Begins' is about Bruce Wayne's ascent from a troubled youth into the avenging detective, and dark knight, Batman. Part of the struggle he faces in finding his place in the world is how to balance being both Batman and Bruce Wayne. On the one hand, Batman is the hidden, deceptive character who strikes from the shadows whilst Bruce is unmasked and out in the open. On the other hand, life as a billionaire often seems the more two-faced way of living, and the straight to the point, deal with the issue actions of Batman far more open and plain faced. There comes a point in the movie - I'm not ruining anything here, don't worry - where in Bruce comes face to face with Rachel just after a party. He's soaking wet from swimming in a fountain and he is being escorted by two young females, also wet, in robes. As they meet the two girls go on ahead and jump in the waiting car. Rachel and Bruce talk briefly about the work of ending corruption (Rachel is a D.A.) and Bruce, obviously embarrassed about being seen in such a state - the playboy millionaire - tells Rachel that this isn't who he really is.

"Rachel, all of... all this, it's not me. It's... Inside I am... I am more."

She smiles gently, "Bruce, deep down you may still be that same great kid you used to be. But it's not who you are underneath...It's what you do that defines you."

Ouch.

As soon as those words came out of her mouth I immediately thought Church. This is a message that the Church needs to hear. It's amazing how many thoughts can run through one's mind in a split second. One word or sound can bring back a thousand memories and the mind leaps effortlessly from point to point so that instantly you just so something though you can't explain it all.

I'm not one for constantly complaining about the Church. I try to see what's right about it and focus on what things can be done to bring change rather than complain about the bad things. As such, I don't like writing too much about things that might come across as a rant. Rants never get anywhere. On this one though I'd like to offer a challenge.

It seems to me that too many of us in the Church are living our lives like Bruce Wayne. The 'spiritual' things we do, we do to satisfy our minds and hearts that deep down we are more. To keep that 'same great kid underneath' alive and know that we're still in touch with him. We tell ourselves that the new creation within us is still alive, full of hope, and we dream about all the possibilities of the future. We look at that inner picture and are satisfied about how much we 'more' we are. We know that 'deep down' we are everything we want to be and are content therefore, because that is who we 'really' are.

The things is, we deceive ourselves. 'Deep down' is where that aspect of us remains. The 'great child' always remains so - a child; with all the promise and potential strength of youth. And then we go on living our lives in ways that do not have anything to do with that inner person. We can know all the truth about relationships, about being an honourable person. We build up in our minds and hearts all the right notions, yet at the same time, we go on doing things that contradict all of that. 'Deep down' we know that we are good people, new creations, and that we would never do anything to hurt someone else. Then we go out and do things, and do not even see ourselves becoming abusers, or doing the all the things we said we wouldn't or couldn't or shouldn't.

"I mean, that's not what we're doing, that's not our motive. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. The really bad people are the ones who are such 'deep down'. We're the Christians, and 'bad people' are something other than what we are."

Our whole thinking, our world, is tied up with believing that deep down we are 'more'. The thing is though, that it truly is what we do that defines us. Take the current debate with the Muslims. So many preach that Islam is a religion of peace. How does one prove that? Religious texts? They debate them back and forth. The reason so few believe that Islam really is peaceful is because so many awful things are done by Muslims and in the name of Allah. As long as there is a majority of Muslims doing awful things, or perhaps, as long as the states and people where Islam holds the most sway remain corrupt and unjust no-one is going to believe them. What Islam is in its behaviour, and its attitude towards it's own actions, is what will define them. If some other part of one's group is betraying the faith, then the other part or parts must say so and must fight for change. They must do something. Who they are on paper isn't worth a jot when who they are in the world, in action, is something else. Can someone quote James to me?

"Show me your 'faith' without doing anything, and I'll show you my 'faith' by WHAT I DO."

My actions define who I am and they define my faith.

Muslims, show me your faith by what you do, not by who you are 'deep down' or what your writings say. And you Christians, you too. Who you are is not who you are deep down - that may be a root of it; deep within may be a work of grace, a work of Christ's love - but that doesn't mean anything to me. You say you're something 'more'. Well then, show it to me, or else shut up. Stop talking out of your rear end.

You know I don't think a lot of the non-Christian world would mind, or be too affected by, Christians 'making mistakes' if 80% or 70% of the time we were getting it right. Instead though, I think it's more like 20% of the time we hit the money, and there's the problem.

Christianity is a faith of action. It's a faith of doing things. Who you are is defined by what you do. So stop pretending you're a hero whilst swimming in pools with girls, throwing your money around, slacking off your work, making idle promises, and instead be the person you say you are 'deep down'. Be more. Be honorable. Be a gentleman; be a lady. Be hardworking. Don't whisper the gospel in a girl's ear whilst your hand creeps over her chest. You know what that makes you? You're not a Christian, you're not even just a fornicator (to use a nice Bible word). You're a womaniser. At least a playboy, who admits that's what he is, is honest. Yet you, because you see yourself as being okay...because you're 'more' deep down, you use the promise of hope and God and being a good person to behave like a bad one. Nor you, who speak of the gospel and of hope and the love of God and the worth of your hearers to Him, don't then go around talking about others, bringing them down, spreading news of their faults and problems around. You're not just a gossip or being 'catty'. Again, that would be honest if you were plain about it, instead you sit in the place of God and cast down your judgements saying who or who not is worth anything. You raise yourself to a higher plain and scatter others down before you.

Why is it that many of us seem to be looking more and more at that ethereal light within, and focusing intently on it, whilst slipping further into the darkness? It may sound harsh, but I think it may be the case that because of who Christians are supposed to be, or who they say they are, when they behave badly, they are worse than when many other non-Christians do it.

It applies to almost every avenue of life. Take the much lighter example of exercise. I think every guy knows that 'deep down' he is a strong, muscular, fit and sexy man. That is, the potential is there, and he knows that it would only be a matter of a few weeks or months, and he'd be in peak condition. 'Buff' is just an exercise regime away. Yet most guys never get there. Most guys never do it. The cost of doing the exercise is high, and so they are happy to content themselves with knowing that 'deep down' they are muscular, that there are people in worse condition, and that being amazing is only a short distance away. Just look in the mirror, suck in your gut, tense up and BOOM, there he is!

How about punctuality?

"You know, the past three year's I was late for church and work? Well perhaps only five times was it my fault. If my ride had been on time, if something hadn't got lost, if the traffic hadn't been so bad, if whatever it was hadn't crept up, I would have been there. And besides, I've only been a few minutes late. I was nearly on time. It's just a matter of getting up a few minutes earlier...making my lunch beforehand...etc. etc. You see, 'deep down' I'm a punctual person. It's just some other stuff that gets in the way."

Are you a hard-worker? Where? Deep down, or if I asked your work mates, what would they say? Generous? Clean? Patient? Forgiving? Something we are, some things we know we're not, but there are those things we believe we are deep down and when we take a look at our performance we have to suck in our gut, tense our muscles, and then we see what we are deep down and content ourselves; looking away from the mirror and walking out of the room before relaxing.

You know, when we say that we will DO for God, and we will give to God, and we will seek God - it's the same way. Have you ever planned out a new exercise regime or bought a new piece of equipment. We pour out some money into that new things, and we spend a couple of hours one evening putting it all together. We plan it all out and then at the end of that day we are satisfied because we know we are on the right track. The way forward is just ahead. We are so near to where we know we are supposed to be. Then the week comes and something pops up and we'll start tomorrow. The tomorrow comes and "Oh! I'd forgotten about that!" Soon enough, the equipment rusts, or the plan gets filed. Perhaps you do make a start, but within a week or two, things dissipate.

Anyone see any correlation to what so many of us Christians call our 'spiritual life'? We go to church on Sunday; if we're good we become open and honest and see what needs to change. We write out our spiritual exercise plan for the week or year or whatever, and then we rest content. We've come and kneeled and with some worship and prayer, and we wrote out some tickets to God, promising to do this or give that and once we made that sacrifice we hear inside the voice of that 'great child' calling out. We hear that sweet voice and we smile because we know he's still alive... and then we leave it there. Reality check - all the giving you talk of and the sacrifices are not just some invisible, untouchable thing that happens on a spiritual plain somewhere that day. They happen every day after that, through the week and year. That's when you give and sacrifice, if not, truly all you are 'giving' God is IOU's. I wonder how many sacrifices God is going to collect at the end of the world? How many post-it-notes with promises are sitting on that altar?

There comes a time when you begin to hate making resolutions. Whatever the number is, you reach the point where you decide you're not going to make any more, and for many people, that's it, they just give up. You know what? Christianity isn't about making resolutions. It's not about saying the right thing. It's about doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with your God. Sometimes some advice and a plan is necessary. There are things to be cut off, things to be avoided, other things to add. However, if we make those things, thinking about how good we are 'deep down', instead of making a decision to just do them, whatever the cost, it wont work.

God doesn't care about who you think you are 'deep down'. He cares about who you make yourself to be, who you define yourself as, by your actions. Now there may be some here freaking out about what I'm saying. Please note, I'm not saying there's no need for God's grace and work in our lives. I'm not denying the inner work of Christ within us. I'm not saying you have to work for God's approval or love, or forsaking the practice of believing by faith that God has taken you as you are and saved you. God loves you and He gives grace, gives strength. He saves and He transforms and builds faith. Without Him it would all be impossible. However, because of Him it IS possible, our efforts are effective, and we do have to make an effort. We have the power, given by God, to choose who we are going to be. God enables you to define yourself. He gives you a precious gift of grace be 'more' - not just deep down, but in reality.

On the 15th of June 2005, Batman began. He didn't just begin in his head or deep down. He began in action, and Gotham felt it. The Church needs to quit living in the land of the ether, denying its actions in the body, and it needs to start being. What you do defines who you are, it's not who you are 'deep down'.

And you - whether it's 'The Servant of God Begins' or 'The Servant of God Returns', will the world feel your presence? Will it see only a damp millionaire spending money, playing games and occasionally talking about something 'deep down' or will it know that you are?

God bless.

Why?

2005-06-16T17:43:00.000+02:00

Over at the Christian Anime Alliance someone recently asked the question, 'Why do you continue to believe?' She didn't want to know why you first believed or how, but why do you continue to believe.

It's an interesting question, and an important one. Many times it seems to us that once a person comes to a point of belief in Christ, their continuance, growth and fulfilment is a forgone conclusion and yet in John 6:60ff we see that there was a time in Jesus life when many who had come to follow Him decided instead that they could no longer continue with Him. What a crushing moment that must have been for Him. He was a man who had given Himself to God. His whole mind, heart and life was dedicated to serving God, and so even though He would never see a nice house, a wife, children, and many of the aspects of life that are central to most who walk this Earth, He did not mind. His joy, His love were caught up instead with seeing the Father revealed and people redeemed. He had chosen to see His heart echo God's, transformed so that He would value the things God valued and love that which God loved with the love that only God knew. To others, discipleship may just have been one aspect of life, a religious following, but for Christ, it was everything. Such was His treasure, His hope. He had sacrificed everything in life that He might see lves transformed and saved. What a blow He must have felt when men chose to reject Him!

Perhaps it's me, but in verse 67 or John 6 I can almost hear the hurt in His voice. "Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?" If that is so, however, then I wonder how much joy He felt when He heard the answer of Peter, "Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God."

They weren't just words of devotion and continued commitment, they were the evidence of a work and a transformation that showed Peter as one who understood. It was the sound of a kindred spirit, one touched and claimed by God. Peter was now also whose life had been ruined by and for God; no longer fit for anything else or any other way.

Why did he continue? Why do I continue, why you?

For Peter that question was almost irrelevant. It wasn't why He continues, it is that it was incomprehensible to him that things could be any other way.

That was my answer to her and even though it can be a very fearful thing, I hope it can be yours, "At this point, it's not so much why I believe, it's that he is so real and present in my life that I can't not believe. God's non-existence is incomprehensible to me."

Grandeur

2005-06-15T08:10:00.000+02:00

^{Isaiah 36 1} In the fourteenth year of King Hezekiah's reign, Sennacherib king of Assyria attacked all the fortified cities of Judah and captured them. ² Then the king of Assyria sent his field commander with a large army from Lachish to King Hezekiah at Jerusalem. When the commander stopped at the aqueduct of the Upper Pool, on the road to the Washerman's Field, ³ Eliakim son of Hilkiah the palace administrator, Shebna the secretary, and Joah son of Asaph the recorder went out to him"...
"Many workers I can give you," says one officer to another. "Behold, we hold all the cards in this dark world of ours, there is nothing but our numbers, resources, and domination. We are the lords of this domain."

.........................................

Just a Snippet

2005-06-09T03:37:00.000+02:00

In one of my latest posts, 'Hope', I spoke briefly about the seas and oceans and my experience with the world under the waves before making use of the analogy offered by the aquatic realm. Truly, I have had some amazing experiences whilst swimming and snorkelling and perhaps nothing quite matches the physical freedom and awe-inspiring wonder of life beneath. Well, guess what? Today, June 8th, is Ocean Day! ... Sound a bit daft? Maybe, but stay with me.

Trawling the web I came across a trailer for a movie which apparently is not showing in my area or with 200 miles of my area. That's a shame, because the movie is an 83 minute documentary entitled 'Deep Blue'. It looks good. I post a link for your enjoyment, and because I think it's a nice little picture of that which I talk about here and in my other post. It also brings to mind a thought that has occurred to me a number of times.

"Eighty percent of life on earth...lives in the ocean" the trailer proclaims. David Helvarg of Blue Frontier adds,

"We've mapped less than 5 percent of our oceans with the accuracy we've achieved in mapping 100 percent of the moon. We're only now discovering and exploring previously unknown ecosystems, such as deep-ocean coral forests, hydrothermal vent communities, and the craggy slopes of submarine mountains. Yet the oceans contain more than 80 percent of all species and 95 percent of all livable habitat."
Link

Put more lightly DiscoverySchool.com offers the following statements:

"The ocean is immense: The ocean's surface area is larger than all the continents combined, and it has deeper canyons and taller mountains than anywhere on land.

The ocean is alive: The ocean is the source of life on earth and it remains one of the most diverse ecosystems. There are over 1 million known species of plants and animals living in the ocean. Since much of the ocean is still unexplored, scientists feel there may be as many as 9 million undiscovered species.
Gimme Energy: Life in the ocean, as on land, depends on the transfer of energy from one living creature to another. This transfer of energy takes place when an animal eats another animal or plant. All organisms in the ocean are interconnected either through a simple food chain or a more complex food web."

The seas and oceans remain a vast and largely unexplored realm of this planet. Full of life and wonders it is captivating and mysterious. In my time studying sharks I came across examples of very large fish (Megamouth) that had either escaped notice until very recently, or only one gender of specimens have been found. This BBC report highlights the existance yet mystery of the Colossal Squid. Yup, not the Giant Squid, the Colossal Squid, different and much bigger.

When I think about such things living, continuing their existence deep beneath the waves and we remain largely unaware of their presence, and I consider the potential benefits in health, physics, and who-knows-what-else discoveries, I wonder why so much money is poured into space exploration and bringing rocks back from dead planets in the hope of finding life, yet the full and living seas, right on our own rock, are left alone.

Truly this globe is a marvelous place. One day I hope to sail upon its waves in an old tall-ship, but everyday, I consider the greatness of the One who put it together - however you feel He accomplished it. "How inappropriate to call this planet Earth, when clearly it is Ocean." Arthur C. Clarke Link and what we know of those oceans is just a snippet.

Treasury of Kings

2005-06-08T19:43:00.000+02:00

Well, it's been a few days since I last posted. My apologies. Things have been a bit busy, and part of that business has been my working on a new blog - The Treasury of Kings. I wont go into detail here, you can go ahead and visit the link to read the explanation in the first post there. What I will say is that this is something I've been praying about a bit and really feel is something God is leading me to do. Ultimately what it comes down to is providing something that will help people who want to get deeper into God's word, and gain the skills to be able to feed themselves from it, discerning truth and coming to the place where they can truly say that God's word is their inheritance forever and the joy of their heart. It is also a place to celebrate God's word and, for those who already love it and have explored its pages for years past, to provide another avenue for exploration along with a community whereby we can enjoy the passion, motivation and celebration that comes with community.

I'm not entirely sure where or how this is going to go, but stick with me, if this is your heart, pray about it, and hopefully we can find out where this leads together.

God bless.

Talk Radio

2005-06-02T17:51:00.000+02:00

Just thought I'd drop in a note to let you know that I've been asked to be the Administrator of a new Forum for our radio station. If you didn't already know, I'm an announcer and producer at a Tucson talk-radio station - AM 690 KVOI.

Featuring national hosts including Michael Medved, Laura Ingraham, Hugh Hewitt, Dennis Prager, Bill Bennet, and Tony Snow, we air all kinds of conservative talk on politics and pop-culture, plus many local shows on various subjects and a locally hosted, nationally syndicated weekend show Computer Talk with Dave Mason.

Anyway, the forums are up and running, but we're just beginning. For those of you not scared off by the lack of traffic and want to help pioneer a new political and talk forum check out http://www.kvoi.com/board. The vision is to have a website dedicated to talking about all of the issues and developing interaction across the web. A collective home which brings together all of the issues and commentators, creating a community of individuals - talkers, bloggers, hosts, and anyone else with an opinion, to discuss everything from faith to history, technology to the staple political and social commentary, and share information.

So drop by the KVOI Forum, sign up, say hello and start posting. The more pioneers we can get to stake their claim and start talking the more people will be attracted.

I hope to see you there and look forward to saying 'Hello' soon.

G.

Opportunities

2005-06-01T23:02:00.000+02:00

Recently I've been lead to ponder my options in life. Trying to figure out what I might want to do, what I feel God might be leading me into. So far I'm feeling pretty good about things with a few different avenues to pursue. As I've explored things for while I came across a few opportunities that struck me as distinctive and thought I'd share them with you. Even if you feel pretty settled in life, I think it's always good to know that even if what you think is everything comes to an end, there are in fact more options than you realise and life truly is an exciting adventure.

First up I should mention that I've been pondering all things Japanese recently. Can't tell you why exactly except I've found much of the culture, food and country fascinating. It's funny...there have been times in my life where I've started considering something - an opportunity, a hobby, a type of clothing, and it seemed that as soon as I start looking at it, that thing starts showing up everywhere. So too with this Japanese thing. After a week of the 'Next Blog' button bringing up nothing but Spanish blogs and adverts I start thinking about Japan and Mo's Journey shows up. Cool blog with some interesting insights. She writes well and is enjoyable to read so take a look.

Following on from Mo, who was kind enough to email me with many answers to my questions, she suggested I take a look at JET. That is, The Japanese Exchange and Teaching Programme. For those of you who are over 18 and have a bachelor's degree here is what appears to be a really good opportunity for those with wanderlust to travel (to Japan) and spend some time in a foreign culture, living life and broadening your horizons whilst teaching English (previous experience not needed) or possibly doing some other job. Mo and a number of others highly recommend it, I've just started taking a look. Even if I don't end up in Japan, I'll at least enjoy a birthday out a Yoshimatsu here in Tucson! :)

Beyond the Japanese however, and due to my coming across Ann's blog along with Jeremy's, I came to JiaMin who is currently living and serving aboard the MV Doulos - a Christian ship which travels around the world doing relief work and offering books and doing Christian ministry. I took a look at the website and I have to say the temptation to just drop everything a sign up was a big one. This looks like quite the opportunity and with options of a few weeks to a couple of years (or maybe even permanent job) is definitely worth a look.

Got to run right now, more later, but for now I challenge you who have the freedom to take a look at your life, and if it's wasting away, consider letting God put it to use.

G.

Hope

2005-06-01T22:17:00.000+02:00

The sea. It has captivated me for years, all my life I think. I remember once donning my fins, mask and snorkel, dipping beneath the water several feet, looking back up at the glimmering, fluid surface and thinking I was in another world. Often that is how it has felt to me - another world, and I think rightly so. The seas and the ocean's are amazing things and perhaps one illustration of that is to simply ask different people what it means to them. For some they are enamoured with the life beneath the waves, for others it is the water themselves, a source of renewable energy yet to be tapped. Someone else might look to the sheer power of the waves, and still other people may find their thoughts considering weather patterns or maybe food and industry. Wherever your thoughts take you one thing about the sea is certain, it is an awesome and wonderful thing. No wonder then that many in ancient times saw the sea in an almost divine status, either that or they just plain feared it.

Psalm 107, verse 23. "Those who go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters; They have seen the works of the Lord, And His wonders in the deep. For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind, Which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths; Their soul melted away in misery."

"Their soul melted away in misery". Absolutely spot on. I don't know if you've ever felt it but there's something about the sea that can do that to you. I remember once when I was about twelve. I was with my family on holiday in Gibraltar and on that particular day we were spending some time at the beach. I loved the water and had my snorkelling gear with me. I had been enjoying swimming around and exploring the rocks under the water looking for crabs and observing the fish. It was another world under there and I found it both exciting and peaceful. Beneath the waves I felt at home, with the silence of the depths leaving me to my own thoughts and the water giving me the freedom to fly. Life is all around, going on with it's curious business completely ignorant of the madness above their shining crystal sky.

So it was that I had been loving life that day, and as I dived and swam and tumbled I progressively moved out further, from rock to rock into deeper water. Well, I don't know how long I had been on the move but there came a point when I brought my head up, above the surface to take a look around. I saw the shore a way off, and then...I looked down. Almost instantly all that had been excitement and joy and life turned to, 'my soul melting away in misery'. As I looked down and around me all I saw was darkness. Deep dark blue and black. I could see nothing beneath me but deep. As I felt the irresistible influence of the water around me and I recalled the existence of those things alive and supreme in the deep my vulnerability became all too obvious to me. No longer did I want to be where I was, nor did I want to dip once again beneath the waves.

There is, I think, a common sensation shared amongst those who have had the experience of being truly helpless. The feeling of having been gripped by something far more powerful you, which, were it not for mercy or intervention, could have had its way with you and you would have been unable to resist it. In the hand of something powerful and fearful which almost makes you want to beg for mercy. It is a harrowing experience that reaches somewhere so deep inside that you'll always remember and be able to feel its touch. It is that touch which, never leaving, removes an aspect of pride and forces you into a perspective that prevents you from ever passing a point of self-inflation and where you can never take life for granted.

Returning to the example of the sea, perhaps you have seen images of an island surrounded by beautiful, sparkling, bright blue water, but as you look further from the shore, maybe sixty or seventy feet out, suddenly bright blue becomes midnight blue as the shallow and life abundant shore pressed through the tidal zone and then reaches the shelf before dropping off into the depths of the ocean, sometimes into an abyss. It's one thing to look at that and know what's happening, and it's another when you make the journey for yourself. To go from the bright shallow, to the blue deep, to then bottomless black. You can still be treading the same water, but all of a sudden, there is nothing beneath you and its feels as though you could fall forever, be sucked down into the dark from where you know you would have no hope of returning. Truly it is something that can send you 'reeling and staggering like a drunken man' and bring you to your "wits' end".

Life, colour, joy and excitement; harrowing depth and fearful darkness. Such is the paradox of the ocean and such can be the experience of life and faith. I don't know that I need to expand on the life and light side of things. At those moments all feels right and good and as it should be. The future is bright and faith abounds for all manner of deeds and passions as one flies through the waters of grace and faith enjoying life and God. There have been times in my life, however, when over time I have drifted off a little further from the shoreline. Out and out until the next time I look I have found myself in foreign places away from the colour and movement and replaced instead with darkness and empty depths, and out in those depths, have had encounters. Circled by beasts I had heard existed but never thought I'd see in my own waters. Bumped, grazed, cut and even bitten by monsters of the deep which came out of nowhere and disappeared just as quickly. Once, twice, three times and more - and with each encounter the knowledge of their existence, and power of their presence, presses itself with fear more deeply into the mind until I was haunted by their presence. Barely shadows, they move in and out of view, lingering at the edge of my visibility and knowing, it seems, that where my visibility fades theirs precedes on. They almost seem to smile, confident in the knowledge that as I drift in their darkness and they circle it becomes all the more certain they will eventually have my back. They are creatures of the darkness, at their best in their element, hunting things that let themselves float into darker waters who are not even aware of their presence. An unseen bolt from the deep and many are snatched away in silence, carried to depths unknown, where hope fades with the light.

Such are the nightmares of life and faith, but more than that, they are the touches which linger. Experiences of something darker and deeper within oneself, something real. At first came surprise, that such could exist in oneself - that I could be that bad. Second comes the question that perhaps you are not who you thought you were, and if not, then who might you be, and what things that you thought to be truth might now be false. Then, for those who do not fail to recover from that second hurdle - defeating the lie that because some things have fallen all will soon fall and when once you had everything now you see there is nothing - come successes, proofs that all is not lost. These can press on and much faith and joy can be restored, and perhaps for some the battle is over. For others however, myself, there remains the lingering uncertainty of the deep. Things had come to the surface which you once thought did not or could not exist within yourself. You realise that your soul is deeper than you thought, and also darker, and as you continue to ponder your true nature, and at times things continue to come into the shallows, you wonder just what might lie beneath. You find yourself frozen between the desire to reenter the captivating, joyful, vibrant and peaceful world, revealing its joys to others but undesiring to leave the shore because you do not wish to draw these things to anyone else's waters.

What then do we who "go down to the sea in ships, who do business on great waters" do in the face of such darkness? How do we continue when the darkness seems so great and the depths without hope?

"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, so He guided them to their desired haven."

We look to the Lord of the ocean, to the one who held the waters in His hands before He formed the seas and all that is within them. We call to the one for whom the darkest deep is clearer than purest waters by the most golden sands. For just as those 'shadows of the deep' look further than we, so He sees all and can pluck them from the sea like minnows. We trust Him who called to us knowing full well what lurked in our deepest waters even before we had ventured into the shallows. Most of all we hope in Him who by the reality of His blood ensured that He would turn our deepest darkness into brightest light and who can change work deep within the depths of abyssal plains and rifts that head down towards one's core. In those places, from which what is in the heart of man flows out, He is able to work such wonders as to transform the fissures into fountains of life and not death. To wander into darker waters is not good, and those who choose to dwell there will be susceptible to its dangers - and they will come. Yet for those who choose to linger in the bright shallows around Christ's shore there need be no fear of shadows from the deep. For they cannot snatch from His reefs those who stay their hearts on Him and in his waters remain; and He whose breath can move the tides knows the way and is able to carry those who trust Him, who float in Him, closer to Him and to the places of their desires. What is more, all the time He is purifying in the deep, even beyond the reaches of the deep darkness, for God cannot be out done and all is God's domain for deeper still than the heart of a man and the darkness of evil, God is deepest of all. The final work; men rising up to praise God, to honour and serve Him. Life and truth are proclaimed, storms are silenced, and despite the insidious and pervasive darkness men become shining light.

Whatever we may be, if we place ourselves in the hands of God we will become whatever He makes us.

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness, and for his wonders to the sons of men!"

Remembering

2005-05-31T17:51:00.000+02:00

May 30th 2005 - Memorial Day.

'Have you news of my boy Jack?'
Not this tide.
'When d'you think that he'll come back?'
Not with this wind blowing, and this tide.

'Has any one else had word of him?'
Not this tide.
For what is sunk will hardly swim,
Not with this wind blowing, and this tide.

'Oh, dear, what comfort can I find?'
None this tide,
Nor any tide,
Except he did not shame his kind -
Not even with that wind blowing, and that tide.

Then hold your head up all the more,
This tide,
And every tide;
Because he was the son you bore,
And gave to that wind blowing and that tide!

Rudyard Kipling, 1916, 'My Boy Jack'.

Joy In The Word

2005-05-27T20:40:00.000+02:00

Ann at In Christ Alone posted this entry about a room-mate and their time with the Word. As I read her short account I was struck by the situation. Her friend, feeling down came home and asked her to read a Bible story. "What? A Bible story? Ann, are you sure you're not pulling my leg? I'm thinking what really happened was that she came home, complained a bit, or maybe said nothing, sat down and flicked on the TV. If not the TV a CD or perhaps just decided to talk about whatever. Couldn't have been the Bible though." :)

Actually, I fully believe that Ann's account is faithful, and I found it a joy to read. What I wanted to say here was that I think what those two shared that day was what so many more of us should share far more often. I spend quite a bit of time with youth groups and despite the passion a lot of them have for their relationship with God, and all the time they put in by themselves, seeking God in prayer and the Word, the one thing I've noticed lacking is that there is no atmosphere for such things in a group setting. I don't know if it's fear or embarrassment, plain lack of interest or thoughtlessness, but rarely do I ever see friends getting together to share some of the word or pray together. The feeling is almost that if someone suggested such a thing everyone would acknowledge that it's a noble idea but then find a way to just carry on 'relaxing' or 'hanging out'.

Now I have nothing, of course, against 'hanging out'. I love it. However, the truth is that for too many Christians that's all they do, and because of it there lacks an atmosphere of respect and desire for the word of God. Due to this, I see so many who suffer from a lack of knowledge about the Bible either its content or how to handle it. They also suffer from a lack of faith and a lack of confidence in Christian things. In every other activity and endeavour in life - hobbies, sports, relationships, fashion, whatever - we humans bounce things off one another. It's how we learn and how we develop skills and deepen passions. We get together in groups and talk. We share ideas, thoughts, questions. We experiment and we have fun. Not in the things of God however, not with the Bible. We've lost the practise of celebration in faith. We celebrate everything else with one another, but rarely our faith and the Word of God.

This brings me back to something else that occurred to me a while ago. I was in a youth meeting and I had the chance to speak. "If we're honest", I said, "most of us would admit that one of the main reasons - if not the very main reason - we come here on this evening is to be with our friends." I continued, "Upon admitting that though, most of you would begin to feel guilty but what occurs to me is that I don't think that's bad at all. In fact, I think God approves. The reason I think He approves is because I think that's exactly what He does. He comes to be with His friends." Then I turned it round, "The thing is though, we don't even do that well."

If I asked you what the most important parts of your life are, what would you answer? Family? Faith? Does the way you pursue your relationships with your friends reflect that order or are they misrepresented?

A word to you who are more intellectual though. Such activity doesn't always have to be a debate or involved some deep writings that you've been pouring over. Often that seems to inaccessible to people, out of their reach. A simple reading of Scripture, a sharing of favourite passages, having a laugh over stories, dropping anecdotes and letting the Word of God, to quote Professor Keating in the movie The Dead Poets Society, "drip from our tongues like honey".

If only more of us would get together with our friends an on occasion (and more and more frequently) just read a story from the Bible. Share some thoughts, ponder some questions, I am convinced our spiritual life and faith would grow in leaps and bounds and our confidence would become strong. What we need to foster in our groups and among our friends is a true atmosphere of fellowship and of respect for, and joy in, the Word and God.

Gospel Perspective

2005-05-27T06:40:00.000+02:00

Many times I've heard people, from Bishops and pastors, to professors and laypersons, touting a belief or theology, and upon evaluating it, I've learned to put it through a test - the 'All People, All Places' test. You see I believe in a God and a Gospel of truth and of power - one that makes sense and one that is effective. I do not desire to know truth yet not see that truth realised or effective in reality - a pointless Gospel. Nor do I want to hear of multitudinous promises that defy my understanding and offer wonders beyond belief. I also do not want to hear of a Gospel that basically boils down to a theology of 'nothing needs to change' just be yourself. I believe there needs to be change in this world, and primarily on a personal, individual level. Humanity is corrupt and I believe human history shows that. I believe the Gospel must have a power to change that humanity.

One problem I've found with theological debate is that it is too easy to lose a sense of greater perspective and get isolated within books and theory in the context of this prosperous and gluttonous Western society. In counter to this, I've found it very useful, when considering theology and truth, to apply such beliefs to the wider context of the world and humanity - poorer countries, tyrannies, closed states, addicts, all levels of intelligence and so on. It seems to me that whatever the truth of the Gospel it is truth which should apply to all people in all situations no matter their state.

So it is that health and wealth gospels offering some kind of guaranteed financial success or utopian existence find no credence with me. How do you preach that to the poorest tribes in the poorest nations? Such a gospel seems to be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the ideal everyone should work towards but very few ever seem to reach. The gospel is not so shallow or so short-sighted.

Staunch believers that their denomination's way is the only have to ask themselves - so what of those places around the world where our church has never reached, and never will? Also how much of salvation depends upon theological or ecclesiastical accuracy? The gospel remains the gospel for the simple human who has not much intellect or ability to reason and understand just as it does the academic theologian. The gospel is wider.

On the other side of things, more liberal gospels that seem only to speak only of acceptance and feeling fine about how you are right now find their end for me in the reality of human depravity.
It is true that there is and has been too much poor treatment of others in some rooms of the Church, yet I believe the gospel is by its very nature a challenging things. It speaks challenging and confrontational truths to our very being because it is only from that place that it can then offer the amazing hope of freedom from those things that cause so much hurt and suffering in our lives and the lives of those around us. "You're fine how you are", "What you believe is fine as long as you're sincere", all seem to speak to the world to tell it that everything is okay and to be joyful and happy and not condemned. That things are getting better and better.

That, however, offers no hope to the person who knows everything isn't okay. Who struggles with addictions and habits and problems and knows something needs to change. Whose religion has not yielded what they wish for. Across the world lives have been changed and hope brought through the preaching of the gospel which brings hope with a challenge. The Christian gospel is unique because it holds the power in Christ to truly transform lives and bring freedom from sins and guilt - not by simply changing the perspective and validating the current state of things, but by changing reality and bring full and true freedom. In defense of acceptance I think that there are those who have suffered so much hurt from Christians who have tried to force change and handled them very poorly. They now seek rest from it all in a gospel which allows them rest. Such an aspect exists in the true gospel, bringing peace and rest through acceptance in Christ, and all of us need it. At the same time I expect that there are also those in the same camp who simply desire to remain unchanged. They don't want to be challenged, and so they choose a gospel in which they can find validation for all that they are, and avoid guilt. The Christian gospel is unique because it holds the power in Christ to truly transform lives and bring freedom from sins and guilt - not by simply changing the perspective and validating the current state of things, but by changing reality and bring full and true freedom. Doing it gently, lovingly, and in the time and wisdom of Christ is for many, the next challenge to be faced in proclaiming this gospel.

A final note. I find also that for many, their gospel is short-sighted in terms of heaven. The true gospel is one which places our hope in Jesus Christ and that which He is to bring to reality in heaven, not just on Earth. It is hard to focus on that which we do not see or know much about yet I cannot ignore how dominant a place the hope of heaven held in the hearts and minds of the New Testament writers. It was their aim and their goal and their hope. They were only able to suffer loss and live a life of service and sacrifice because they had decided to place all their investments in that which was to come. Their hope of heaven was inspirational to them and in ways, heaven was more real to them than their lives on Earth - for that which was now was temporary, it would end, but that which would come was eternal. Such is faith, it leads one to act upon truth unseen and to make decisions and investments based upon more than the immediate or visible. A gospel which focuses solely, or predominantly upon the things of this life is a dubious gospel. An earthly perspective in life and faith will, I believe, only frustrate a Christian because it will limit them in how they live - trapped in the games of Earth by fear of loss in this world. If you can take your eyes off the ground and keep your hopes fixed upon Christ and heaven then you will be able to live beyond those games and fears.

So then, to end. The gospel must be truth not only on paper but in reality. It must bring a challenge because there are things that need challenging in this world, and it must bring power to make changes. If the physically disabled or mentally challenged cannot attain to it, it is not the gospel. If it doesn't work in some countries or situations, it's not the gospel. The true gospel of Jesus Christ is truth, life and power, and it applies to all in all.

Hugh Hewitt

2005-05-26T19:36:00.000+02:00

Many thanks to Hugh Hewitt who, after letting me have the chance to spend a little time chatting with him yesterday at the radio station, has graciously posted on his own website a link to this blog. My hits have gone through the roof. It always a pleasure working with Hugh, he's a very gracious and personable fellow and of the type you wish you could spend more time with. I only hope now that my writing is up to snuff.

For all those who have come here via Hugh's website, my thanks for dropping by and I hope you found something of value. If you have blogs or websites yourself I'd love to hear from you and pay a visit, but whether you do or don't I do hope we'll get the chance to communicate in the future. Feel free to leave any comments or drop me an email, and if you find me worthy, come back again.

God bless.

Life To The Full

2005-05-24T18:26:00.000+02:00

I don't quite recall when it first started but it has to be a few years now, maybe three or four. It's a bit embarrassing really. It might happen whilst I'm out for a walk thinking of something, perhaps during a movie or a song, sometimes when I watch the news, hear a tale recounted, or I'm just reading the Bible. Some times it's only very light, other times I have to fight hard to stop it, but one thing that's certain is that it's not happening any less frequently, only more.

What I'm talking about is crying, or perhaps more accurately, 'emotional surges'. I can be doing any of the above things, and probably just about anything, and all of a sudden I feel as though I'm about to cry.

When I first noticed it happening I began to wonder what the issue was. Random thoughts about emotional stress or breakdowns started to fly by. I pondered connections about deep hurts buried within my soul, that somehow are surfacing when triggered by something I missed...or something. Not being too much of a worrier I mainly just forgot about it until, over time, I started to notice a pattern. All of the 'triggers' leading me to want to cry or just feel a burst of emotion were displays of selflessness, often extreme selflessness, and particularly conveyed a great sense of love and devotion. They were examples of people whose love drove them to things that were detrimental to themselves. As I began to realise this, it occurred to me that my 'random emotion' wasn't random, nor was it a problem. It was in fact something I can only attribute to God - the growth of compassion.

As a younger guy I have to admit to not having been a very compassionate individual. I rarely felt sympathy and expressing genuine empathy was almost impossible. I simply didn't feel anything for anyone in a compassionate sense. In fact, compassion really didn't rate very high on my list of qualities to be attained or valued. Truth was up there, devotion too. Heroism, self-sacrifice, even report; all of these I understood and appreciated. Some more than others perhaps, and certainly some came easier than others, but compassion? Compassion I didn't rate at all.

It might sound cliche but the truth is it did come across as being sappy to me. Mercy I could understand since there was a certain valour associated with it, a power. Compassion though, I did not grasp, even if I thought I did; acknowledging that there are certain things which are just good and to be valued, even if I did not appreciate them myself; like babies. The world needs babies. I can understand their value and that babies are good, but if I never had to have anything to do with babies then that was fine with me. You know, as I write, maybe this is a male thing. Maybe males don't understand compassion just as they don't understand babies. For women babies are natural and they are wonderful, and perhaps I'm being overly stereotypical, but I think compassion is something that also comes more naturally to women. The only time I often see babies coming naturally to men is when they have their own. All of a sudden babies aren't scary alien, unintelligible beings, but they are loved, valued and appreciated to great extents. So too with compassion, until it becomes personal, compassion remains something a bit alien, under-appreciated and awkward. Hmmm, maybe I've just had my first baby!

Getting back to it then. Here I am with my emotional surges and the realisation that God has somehow managed to do a work of compassion within me. It hadn't been something natural to me and I wasn't bothered by that; as a matter of fact, when at first I started feeling 'emotional' that bothered me more. As I continued to think about all of this I had the wonderful realisation that what I was seeing in this work of compassion was one thing that had been a prayer of mine for a while - to be more like God, more like Christ. My heart had been changing, it had been developing, and such was not a random act but development according to a pattern - that of the heart of God.

Faith and walking with God is not simply about objective truth but about the heart of God. One can know truth but still lack it, for truth must be in them. There are so many things to know and think about in life and in faith yet the more I grow the more I am lead to one place - the heart of God. It is one thing to have met a person, to learn of their past and all that they have. To know what they do and what their purposes are; the goals at which they aim. Yet what is truly necessary is to know their heart. To know them at their very being, to know their nature and come to understand it. With God, the first step is to come to doing this, the second is then to give yourself to seeking it, and in seeking His very heart, to be changed by it so that one's heart becomes transformed to match His. To see the world God sees it and value the things He values. To learn His motivations and to share them.

Compassion has begun to increase in my heart and I know that it is not me. It is something else growing within me. That is the most amazing feeling in the world because it means that although many times it feels as though my faith is that which I look at outside of myself - that which I think about - it does not stop there but continues on to a point which I do not know. It is not only me looking at it, but it at me and it is grasping me just as I seek to grasp it. My faith is alive and real because I am not simply making and changing it as I grow but it is changing and making me.

Life. What is life about? What is this life to the full?

A couple of weeks ago I was at a Christian student get together and as a talking point the speaker for the evening had chosen to show a clip from the film 'The Mission' (1986; De Niro, J. Irons). I hadn't, and still haven't, seen the movie and wasn't sure what to expect and quickly tried to peg the movie. The clip was the section of the film where De Niro's character finds his wife in adultery with his brother, whom he ends up killing. He then cannot forgive himself for the murder whilst at the same time feels the anger and pain from the betrayal of his wife and brother. The clip goes on to show how he beings to deal with it as a priest leads him in a form of penance eventually resulting in his release of the burdens - forgiveness for himself and for the others, and release from the pride that would not let him accept such at first.

From that point on he gives himself to becoming a priest and serving at the mission. Why? Surely former mercenary and reasonably well-off man could get back to his life now that he has 'gotten over' recent events? I think though that what he realised is that there is more to life than what he had. He lost his wife, and his brother, he had given up his pride and the power and control he had over people, and of course he had given up his wealth. In return what did he get? Love. Compassion. "He who has been forgiven much, loves much, but he who has been forgiven little loves little." If I might be so bold as to add a little to Scripture - ...and he who loves much has much joy and peace and their life is full.

We make life about so many things but I believe that it is those who are closest to the heart of God who have the clearest idea of the truth. I can pursue many things in life, but I'm learning that many of those are short sighted. I know what I am aiming at now, but if was asked, "What then?" I don't know if I'd have an answer, at least, not one other than some other new idea or project. In my experience of compassion however, and my pursuit of love I have found that it is almost and end itself. If I was asked that same question I would have to answer, "Then? What then?" I seems as though I could pursue love my whole life and never stop, and always be the better for it. I would always be growing, always be being challenged, and always benefiting others. I think it would also be a means for me to always remain satisfied.

Love is indeed supreme, it fills one's life and brings much return. It might be awkward at first, but like babies you can try to avoid them your whole life, however it would only be yourself holding you back from something much bigger and better. So if you'll excuse me, I have this weird alien thingy that's looking at me and smiling and I think I'm going to try and pick it up.

God bless.

Carried Beyond

2005-05-24T15:56:00.000+02:00

An occasional cricket chirps and wings can be heard to flutter once and again as thin, flowing veils dance gracefully. It is evening in the desert and though I remain alone there is a mystical closeness that in the warm breeze that moves around me. If I listen it speaks to me of far away lands, future promise and present hope. I close my eyes and the ages of the place where I stand pass before me. Centuries of years this ground has stood and this wind has blown. Empty and open desert, a valley laid out before the feet of mountains, no less friendly for a lack of those things to which so many of us cling, and far more in providence and care than most will ever wonder to consider. Workers come and buildings rise, more noise to fill the evenings of inhabitants yet the wind remains, full enough to fill a universe for those who would still themselves to listen. Ages will pass and times will bring their change and in absence once again she will remain enough.

But now is not yet then, if ever it will come, for although she holds the ages she speaks most of all about these days. Days of noise and perpetual disturbance. As one afraid of calm they live by continuing ripples, always tossing pebbles for fear that distraction would end and some, who desire calm, now cannot find it for all the stones they hold in their arms fall one by one into the water whenever they try to turn or move. So it is that they spend many times frozen, hoping for calm but unable to ever see it; their very existence preventing the water from coming to rest.

The breeze speaks to me and carries me across this world to exotic places. Places far and away from the lands where I am most familiar; glowing lights fill city evenings and life is filled with flavour. Dancing colours both vivid and sultry celebrate and even the air can be tasted; spices and scents in an aromatic life.

Music rises from every corner in great diversity yet telling the same tales, and folks gather in homes away from the familiar wintry old man. Bolder tastes, uncaring of nuance enjoy the bigger savours of the pot yet colours are sharper and more subtle. Lighter, bluer yet very strong and purposed. Her eyes are ice on fire and she is excitement and joy in pure form, unrefined.

Deep and low and earthy, shadows are more common than light as trees pillar life. Their leaves are rich and thick but unassuming and looks are dark; a mystery it would take a life time to unfold, if ever he would let you in. Existence is his own and he cares not for what is outside, whilst beneath the walls of silence and difference, there is a universe of being and passions run deep although never we may know it.

Coming back to the closeness of my desert room still she speaks and the veil dances in her presence. The breeze remains, and she whispers to me to spread silence, to bring quiet. She would whisper to all of calm and peace and truth. She would still the pool, if they ever gave her time. To listen. To speak.

Life is in this world, and time is her servant accomplishing tasks given to him from when he was created. She lingers now to bring herself into all those whom she created that she might have the joy of the fullness of her creation and they the fullness of life.

Memoirs of Clark Kent - Lessons from a Biblical 'Smallville'

2005-05-12T23:36:00.000+02:00

Well, here I am again. I don't know if you've experienced any of what I wrote about the last time. I know that it has stumped me many times but over the past few months (this entry has been in the draft pile a while now) I think I've found my answer in the life of David. It occurs to me that he probably went through some of this. On the one hand he was the young shepherd from the small family who, by all outlook, was destined for a simple life with not much expected of him. On the other, David would become Israel's greatest king, and one of Israel's most pronounced leaders; the farm boy and the hero.

That day, before the prophet came, I expect that although he knew his place in life, he dreamed big dreams for Israel and for himself, and something in him longed for more than just the farm. At the same time though, I think overall there was a large place of contentment in his life where he was satisfied with just being out in the open, knowing God. Of course, things would happen which would lead to God calling him out as a king, and through many trials and situations he would see some of those dreams and desires become reality as he became a hero of Israel. As that happened and David was leading Israel in victories, when he was charging the battlefields and knew he was leading them rightly - that he was able to hold the responsibility - I think he felt good. I think he felt like 'himself', and that he felt as though he was indeed a king. That he dreamed the dreams of kings, and was proud and satisfied to walk that line, to carry that mantle. That there was a part of him that wouldn't be satisfied if he thought he wasn't doing everything he knew he was able to do, that God had enabled him to do, or perhaps made him for. He felt that maybe he was the man for the hour, God's choice, though he did not understand it.

I wonder though, when the battles were done and he returned to life in the caves or in the palace, if there weren't times when he sat quietly, just getting alone by himself and perhaps wishing that he was able to just to drop all the expectations that were being placed on him and return to an open future in the open fields, with God. I wonder what David thought and felt at those times when he needed either to hold on or let go. How is he supposed to behave? When is too much, too much? When do you hold on to the responsibility, and when do you let go? When do you presume, and when is it alright to relax and just 'be'?

These I think, were some of the questions of David's life. Certainly, they have been, and are, some of mine. When looking for David's answers I came across his prayer in 2 Samuel 7.

"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD , and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? ¹⁹ And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD , you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD ?

²⁰ "What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign LORD . ²¹ For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant.

²² "How great you are, O Sovereign LORD ! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. ²³ And who is like your people Israel-the one nation on earth that God went out to redeem as a people for himself, and to make a name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out nations and their gods from before your people, whom you redeemed from Egypt? 24 You have established your people Israel as your very own forever, and you, O LORD , have become their God.

²⁵ "And now, LORD God, keep forever the promise you have made concerning your servant and his house. Do as you promised, ²⁶ so that your name will be great forever. Then men will say, 'The LORD Almighty is God over Israel!' And the house of your servant David will be established before you.

²⁷ "O LORD Almighty, God of Israel, you have revealed this to your servant, saying, 'I will build a house for you.' So your servant has found courage to offer you this prayer. ²⁸ O Sovereign LORD , you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. ²⁹ Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign LORD , have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever."

Amen.

David was a man who loved his God, but also saw His God as sovereign and taught himself to let God be God; God who makes His plans and fulfills His almighty will within the Earth. David sought to walk closely with God, and when God's plans came to David, he learned to be obedient and to be content in what lot God apportioned him. Farmer or hero, he rejoiced in the plans of His God, and wherever those plans took Him he sought to worship God in the fullest.

That passage from Samuel has been of much encouragement to me and contains so much that I'd encourage you to read it again and spend some time meditating on it. If I may, I'd like to break it down.

"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD , and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"

God's choices and plans are not necessarily affected by who a man is, or at least, who he thinks he is. David sees a difference between who he is and what God has done with/for him.

"And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD , you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD ?"

Rewards for faithful service aside, God is concerned only with his own plans and not the plans of men. He may rule arbitrarily and apparently 'unequally', at least in the eyes of men. Therefore His plans may not make sense or could be other than what we expect.

"What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign LORD . ²¹ For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant."

The heart of David is that of a servant, who serves God because it is right and what is proper not because of what he expects from God. The master may assign to his servant any task or role he wishes and may furnish the servant with as much or as little resources as he sees fit. The master and his will are central, the servant is ancillary.

"How great you are, O Sovereign LORD ! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. ²³ And who is like your people Israel-the one nation on earth that God went out to redeem as a people for himself, and to make a name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out nations and their gods from before your people, whom you redeemed from Egypt? 24 You have established your people Israel as your very own forever, and you, O LORD , have become their God."

David sees himself in the wider perspective of the plans of God and sees God also from that perspective. God has plans and is working out those plans. Israel has been honoured by God's choice to be His instrument and receive His blessing. Just as God has chosen Israel from among the nations of the world and chosen to bless them, for His own purposes and according to His own wisdom, so too does David see God choosing Him.

"And now, LORD God, keep forever the promise you have made concerning your servant and his house. Do as you promised, ²⁶ so that your name will be great forever. Then men will say, 'The LORD Almighty is God over Israel!' And the house of your servant David will be established before you."

David is accepting of the role God has given him and the plans he has prepared for him. David continues to take the attitude of a grateful and worshipful servant, maintaining his focus upon the greatness of his master and the centrality of His plans and glory. What God chooses to further His plans and bring success, David trusts His wisdom and choice.

"O LORD Almighty, God of Israel, you have revealed this to your servant, saying, 'I will build a house for you.' So your servant has found courage to offer you this prayer. ²⁸ O Sovereign LORD , you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. ²⁹ Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign LORD , have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever."

Finally, and interestingly, David in joy of God's blessing and choice, and confidence in God's goodness and love as a father, is moved to affirm God's promises to him and asks what in some way might be considered a selfish prayer. He asks for God's blessing upon himself and his family into eternity, taking joy in it. Yet throughout, he retains a tone which suggests that should God offer him any less, he would still love God and be pleased to serve Him.

David knows himself and does not presume to be anything more than a man, and a shepherd. To be more, a hero, is a dream and a blessing, and he is joyful to receive it but never retains it to the point that he would not give it up if recalled. He is ultimately a servant, doing his part before God, the part assigned to him by his Lord. Farm boy or hero, David knows that all things, all abilities, all resources lie with his father, his Lord, and He distributes them as He sees fit. His task is to follow his master's duties and take joy in whatever that may be. Hero or farmer, David knows he would be much less still should not God be his provider.

David's words here instruct the would be grateful servants: Live according to God's ways. Walk closely with Him and always keep an ear open to Him. Do not predict God's plans but walk graciously in them as they are revealed.

Thank you Father.

I hope this has been of use and a blessing, in the skies or on the farm, I'll see you around. :)

Memoirs of Clark Kent

2005-05-12T20:59:00.000+02:00

I don't recall how long I've felt like this, but I often have and up until about a month or two ago I had been feeling that way almost perpetually for a while. If you were asked, who is Clark Kent/Superman, what would you say? Is he really the Man of Steel, faster than a speeding bullet, with Clark being a simple disguise or the representation of a weaker emotional side he needs to work on shedding - to 'come out' as Superman...? Or is he more truly Clark Kent, and Superman is merely the avenue along which he is able to direct his natural gifts; the natural outworking of one side of him, but not something he needs to aspire to more fully become?

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It’s not easy to be me.

'Superman' by Five For Fighting

There are times in my life when I feel like both, and it's strange because during those times I can both feel both comfortable and unsettled in both mindsets. There are Superman moments where I truly feel like myself. I can enjoy the freedom to cut loose and everything feels more simple, more free, with nothing holding me back. No doubts, no questions, no confusing thought processes. I feel like I can let loose with everything I have and have nothing to hide. It feels like my life is making sense, is worth something, and that by its end is going to have meant something. It's a bright and powerful feeling. I feel, like I can fly. However, I have to admit that at other times I feel as though I'm performing and want nothing more than to just be 'myself' instead of whom I'm 'supposed to be'.

"Myself"....? Who is that?

What I can't explain, is if when I do feel that way, all 'super-powered up' and I feel truly me, why does it only seem to be a short time before I wake up one morning different? It doesn't even take a night, it can happen in minutes, and suddenly things feel heavier. Weighing me down...grounded. Of course there are times when events and circumstances (self-induced or otherwise) help to explain why I might be feeling 'down', but I'm not just talking about times when there's a definite 'issue'. Sometimes, I just feel more, human. More like expectations for me aren't that high and I can live life just like my friends and those I talk to.

Recently I've been finding it a little more comfortable to be in this place when I can just 'be' and 'do' (for some reason those two are, many times, tied together for me) and not have to 'presume'. I know that some might want to say that I need to stop 'presuming' and just be myself, but I have to wonder if there isn't at least a certain amount of 'presuming' included within the gospel. For the Christian, life isn't just about what is 'right here, right now', and 'what you see is what you get'. It starts there but then looks out at what will be, and it sets its aim there. It also looks beyond what can be seen on the surface to other things that are, or that can be. "Man looks to the outward appearance, but God..."

War, Narnia, and War in Narnia

2005-05-11T21:11:00.000+02:00

Little bit of a blog update here.

For a little while I've been dicsussing back and forth with Bookworm about the appropriateness of Lewis' use of violence and war in the Chronicles of Narnia, especially as a Christian allegory. She has an interesting blog and one worth checking out - especially for book-lovers.

Coincidentally, after dropping another comment in that ongoing discussion I was browsing through some blogs and came across two along similar but different lines. Fellow lover of Narnia, Trufflehunter, can be found at her blog Aslanshow, whilst Blorge presents his theological and philosphical views, right now engaged in a discussion on Christian pacifism and activism.

Regards.

Chronicles

2005-05-10T19:48:00.000+02:00

The first teaser trailer for 'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe' is out and is available here.

I'm very much looking forward to the movies (the first of which is released early this December), especially having recently read through the series and having enjoyed it immensely. I hope, along with every other literary fan who watches the tomes of choice get adapted for the silver screen, that the movies become faithful representations of the books. Although I don't expect the films to carry through all of Lewis' analogies, I do hope that at the least they carry forward a sense of faith or providence which carried through with the LOTR movies. (Yes, I am aware of the debate about the content of faith in the novels - but nevertheless many people came away with that sense and enjoyed the analogies.)

I think one of the greatest lessons I've learned from Lewis' writings is to make use of one's imagination in faith. To have an unashamed love for and practise of dreaming. One of my toughest personal struggles has, at times, been knowing what to do with my dreams and ideas. Having a heart full of desire and a mind full of dreams, but wrestling with submitting my life to God - and seeking to echo Christ in following His Father's voice and doing His Father's work, and not anything of myself. A million ideas can come to mind, but what is more precious is to seek and hear the voice and direction of God and doing that.

It's a balance I find one of the hardest to keep, but time spent with Lewis in Narnia have been a real blessing, roaming with God. Learning that God desires us to use our imaginations and not only our intellects or reciting Bible verses only is a very freeing and exciting lesson, that takes one from pacing the sometimes cold, hard walls of the monastery and allows one to fly free over hill and dale and throughout this glorious world, dipping in its oceans and spinning through its woods. That to me is the stuff of life and faith, the world challenging and inspiring, the monastery giving meaning and explaining.

In his book, The Four Loves, Lewis offers this, "Nature does not teach. A true philosophy may sometimes validate an experience of nature; an experience of nature cannot validate a philosophy. Nature will not verify any theological or metaphysical proposition (or not in the manner we are now considering); she will help to show what it means. And not, on the Christian premises, by accident. The created glory may be expected to give us hints of the uncreated; for the one is derived from the other and in some fashion reflects it..." That is, it helps us to understand what love, and fear, and wonder and beauty are - it gives us a richer vocabulary of life than we would have if we never left the monastery halls. Yet those halls are not to be loathed.

Lewis continues, "We have seen an image of glory. We must not try to find a direct path through it and beyond it to an increasing knowledge of God. The path peters out almost at once. Terrors and mysteries, the whole depth of God's counsels and the whole tangle of the history of the universe, choke it. We can't get through; not that way. We must make a detour - leave the hills and woods and go back to our studies, to church, to our Bibles, to our knees. Otherwise the love of nature is beginning to turn into a nature religion. And then, even if it does not lead us to the Dark Gods, it will leads us to a great deal of nonsense."

Perhaps what I enjoy of Lewis' Narnia is that I find a place where the wide world and the monastery combine. The one teaches the other and it then responds in joy by filling the air with glories and wonders.

From one who loves to walk with God outside,

Peace be with you, and walk with the Lion!

Anyway...

2005-05-03T16:53:00.000+02:00

Stumbled upon a new blog today when I went clicking that little 'Next Blog' button in the corner - now there's a good way to waste valuable time - anyway, Anyway is Mark Savage's contribution to the blogosphere and in his latest post 'Murphy's Score' he wrote a little piece on 'The Kingdom of heaven' that brought a smile to my face...

In the same vein, I guess, there are whispers abroad in Hollywood now as to whether the Medieval Crusades are a suitable subject for a blockbuster movie. Funny how nobody seemed to raise these objections when Gladiator came out, or any of the recent epics such as Troy. The Kingdom of Heaven is apparently the title of the Orlando Bloom film which tackles this difficult era in history, but can a mere film of ancient history really stir up old passions and inflame conflict between the communities?...

Not knowing the subject of the film until hearing about the controversy though, I wondered whether this might have been a nice gentle film about the wonder of childlike belief and enjoyment of the things of God which Jesus Christ commended us to emulate.

:)

To join A regular ramble with MARK SAVAGE on "life the universe and everything" click here.

Canyons, Computers and Companions

2005-05-02T21:40:00.000+02:00

Two weeks ago today three friends and I were heading North in Arizona. Our destination was one of the seven natural wonders of the world, the Grand Canyon. The plan was to spend three nights camping on the South Rim, two days hiking around and one day even further North near Page taking a 3 hour raft trip down the Colorado river. At $15 a night for a well furnished campsite and a $20 entrance fee, the Grand Canyon actually make a good choice for a break-away vacation for anyone in Arizona or neighboring states - I'd recommend it.

As with most holidays the week passed quickly and I have to admit that since a couple of nights passed slowly, with temperatures dropped below zero, we camped only two nights and bailed out into a motel the third. The rafting was wet but good and the views of and hiking within the Canyon was spectacular. Let me be honest with you though. When I first saw the Canyon - the moment I walked out from the woods and to the rim, expectant of what I would see - my breath wasn't taken away. I looked out and I saw a large Canyon, but I wasn't blown away by it. It was big, very big, but not what I'd been lead to believe - one of the seven greatest natural sights of the entire world. I'd been 'wowed' more by movies I've seen than my first view of the Grand Canyon. I think it's quite possible that I could at that moment have turned around, having 'seen' the Canyon, and left not all that impressed. However, let me now say that I think they did in fact get it right by calling it a natural 'wonder'. What I found as I walked there was that one needs more than just a cursory glance at the 'gap' to appreciate the Canyon's size and atmosphere. If you only drive up to the village, walk to the rim, take a few photos and spend 15 minutes 'appreciating the view', then trust me, you haven't 'seen' the Grand Canyon. You really do need to take time and 'wonder' about you're seeing in order to appreciate it.

At the very least you should spend a day driving around the Canyon. That will provide you with a starter in realizing the vast enormity of the world's greatest chasm. There are many viewpoints around the rim and it's only when you've spent two hours driving and then look out of your window to see the Canyon still stretching out in front that you being to know the meaning of 'Grand Canyon'. The thing is around three-hundred miles long and at times ten miles wide! If you want to get a proper feel though, you need to get yourself down into the Canyon, even if not to the bottom, just to get a better sense of depth and perspective. Our river guide informed us that perspective in Arizona's canyons can be deceiving, and when you realise that those pointy rocks and outcrops in the middle of the Canyon, are really huge hills and crags high and wide, that you start to grasp what you're looking at. Put simply sizes, and distances can look a lot smaller than they actually are.

By now I think it's obvious we had a good time and a great experience, but I'd like to take you back to the start. If you recall I mentioned we were a party of four. Well, prior to the trip we had intended to be a party of five. Unfortunately, one of the five decided late that he didn't want to go. He was saving up some money and didn't want to spend the $100 to see the great, natural wonder or take trip down the river. He didn't enjoy camping, it would cost him some sleep and besides, outdoor trips and 'sights' weren't his thing. Fair enough, that was his choice and each to their own, but what confused me was, necessities aside, what else would anyone want to spend their money on? CDs? Stereos? A games console? I've heard it said that it is wiser to spend one's hard earned cash on experiences and things that you will carry with you your whole life, that will add to who you are and change how you view things, than to spend it upon 'things' - things that you might hoard, or make use of for a while. I think I agree. It turns out he's saving up to get himself a laptop computer, and a powerful one, so he can continue his work and hobby when he goes 'on the move' soon. Perhaps then my friend's choice to save for a computer makes sense when it is a purchase that goes towards work , and an ongoing pursuit as well as investing in the future, and I'm sure that was a big factor (he's not a stupid guy), but there's one more thing. The next week he dropped $80 on a red-eye trip to a theme-park with some friends. Once again, that was his choice, and I'm not here to make judgments on his preferences but I think it brings up an interesting question about how we make decisions. What it showed to me was that it wasn't so much his discipline in investing in his future that lead him to forego the trip, but that he just wasn't interested. He was more motivated to spend the money on a trip to a theme park than to see the Grand Canyon.

Now, it's been a couple of weeks since all this began, but just last week I was trawling through posts on a forum I frequent when I came across a thread simply entitled 'Great'. From the page count I could tell that many had become involved with the conversation and so I took a look inside to find out what it was all about. It turned out that a fifteen year old boy had just had a nine month relationship come to 'an abrupt end not of his choosing' and he wasn't in the 'greatest' of moods. I expect he was looking for some consolation and an opportunity to vent, forums seem to be good for that, but as I read the contributions of others, empathising and offering advice, I wondered what one should say, if anything, to a young teenager whose world, it seems, just suffered a major blow. As I typed I started to realise that he was right then in what might possibly seem one of the deepest, darkest, valleys of life he had ever known. From his perspective this was way off-the-scale in terms of awful things in life, but I knew that in fact, three months from now it's likely that though he might not have enjoyed the experience, it will seem far less significant and eventually it will pass from memory completely. What seems like everything, with time shows itself to be nothing.

I eventually came to a response for him, but what I want to bring up here is that these three experiences help to teach some interesting lessons on perspective. In reverse order, the first lesson - The Perspective of the Powerful Present - is one with which I think most of us are familiar even if we may not all be too good at putting it into practise. Many things that are towering before us right now may seem to be world-crushing giants, but are in fact only minor trials in the larger scheme of things. It is better to learn not to freak out or be intimidated into inaction or foolish action by that which tries to inspire fear in the present - nor to give up things of value for that which has not by time proved itself worthwhile.

The second lesson - The Blind Perspective - is when we operate from a position where we have not seen or experienced something ourselves. Those things which are of reported value are easier to dismiss or ignore and do not have as much 'pulling power' as lesser things which we have experienced before and found enjoyable. We are wiser when we learn to place correct value in those things which we have not yet had opportunity to evaluate ourselves. At this point trekking comes to mind. Sometimes when you're hiking one mile can seem like five and at other times five can seem like one. No matter how you're feeling though, only the foolish person would choose to make their turns and follow their bearings according to what they feel is the right distance instead of what the map tells them is the right distance.

Finally, the third lesson is taken from my experience at the Grand Canyon - the Hidden Perspective. Whereby those things which are reported to be of great value fail to appear so to the person who has had some encounter with them. The result is that the person may now firmly dismiss the object of great value because the matter seems proven to them. However, the truth is that sometimes a matter requires a patient, prolonged and determined effort in order to reveal their full value. It may also be true to add the corollary that those who apply themselves more fully to its exploration, more fully discover that which is hidden and more fully appreciate its value.

So many times in life and in faith I have found myself operating from these three perspectives, and the more I experience and live through the more I see the wisdom in living life with patience, listening to the voices of those good and wise men and women who have gone before, and in living with foresight. Of course, the motivation to live life that way comes in part from the experiences of the past where unpleasant results were achieved and I expect that all people, especially the young but even the old, will have to go through such 'mistakes' in order to learn the value of wisdom. I'll leave you now though with some of the thoughts which I posted for that young man in great trial of heart:

Time and life are investments and as with all investments certain rules apply.

People always hope for great things in the future, but most are unprepared to miss out on things in present in order to prepare for that future - the result - their dreams always remain dreams and they spend their whole life hoping.

Beware the perpetual circle of 'It's just around the next corner'. There are many sparkling promises but few that pay off, especially in the short term. The quicker a person can learn to see through the fancies of the present, stop repeating the same mistakes and take the longer route working to build that which you really want - the better - it will come with time and effort, it will not come 'quick and easy'.

Time is worth more than amount. That is, it's better start off investing early, even if it's with little, that to start late with a lot - this world will honour time more and you will get a greater return.

All that then, to say this - your time and your youth are your most valuable assets right now. I guarantee you that if you take them, and start investing in them and your life - by diversifying and building character and skills, interests and knowledge and other such things, you will become a person who rises above the majority. You will be more satisfied with things, and you will then attract the right people and, having learned discipline and true value, will be able to make the best decisions.

Continue in grace.

Three Things

2005-04-12T18:07:00.000+02:00

My apologies for the lack of posts recently, I've had something of writer's block, although it's not so much mental as spiritual I think. Sometimes I just feel held back from writing. More on that another time I think. For now I wanted to share a simple thought I had just recently whilst praying.

Many things come and go in my life - many desires, ideas, hopes and dreams, doubts and fears. At the time when these things are in the present it's hard sometimes not to get distracted by them, to focus on them. I'm a person with a very active mind, and when something gets on my mind, it stays there until I've turned it over and over and evaluated it from every point of view possible. Many times I never feel as though I can get to a final conclusion.

As I was praying recently, having been feeling a bit lost, three things came to mind; three things that really motivate me, three things that I desire.

1 - To know the Word of God
2 - To hear the Voice of God
3 - To do His will

I find at times that my faith and life have two sides, two versions. On the one hand I have what I call a life or faith 'on paper' and then I have a life or faith 'on the road'. Both of these have their purposes and place, and both can encourage and discourage. Although both of these have had both positive and negative effect, recently it has been the 'on paper' faith that has been a drain and my 'on the road' faith that has lifted me and brought encouragement. As one with an active and sometimes over-working brain, I think perhaps this is my default.

To what do I refer then? Well, do you remember high-school science classes? I loved science, I found it interesting, a challenge, at times a voyage of discovery. I loved all the various aspects and especially when something we were doing related to life on earth. Actually, I still do; sometimes I'll sit and think about what I know of how the world works, physics, chemistry and biology, and value the knowledge I have which makes me life in this world so much richer.

Anyway, if you recall, school science could be broken down into two parts - theory and practical. There were the books you read and lectures received where you heard history and theory and learned of facts and thoughts. Then there were the practical assignments and tests where you would get to try things out and have fun 'experimenting'. I think by far, most people would say that they enjoyed the experimentation more than the theory. Fair enough. However, while that enjoyment might have been fed by just the opportunity to mess around with smelly chemicals, beakers, bunsen burners (fire in school - what joy!) and all the other apparatus, for me, what was more significant was that I could take something that was supposed to be true and see it work. I could see the science in action, at work, and not just learn about it. What's more, there were numerous times when the science in application brought out the flaws of the science in theory; experiments that looked like they should have worked, did not in fact go as planned and that forced greater learning, study and views from other perspectives.

Now let me get it straight, I enjoyed the theory very much; just being able to know stuff about stuff was satisfying for me. In fact, the more time passes the more I value my learning then and now. Just being able to know 'stuff' about 'stuff' on a wide selection of different types of 'stuff' is useful, enriching, and at times good for the self-esteem! Without the learning and theory the experiments wouldn't have made as much sense (sometimes none at all), nor would the experiments have been as much fun or as interesting. What's more, being able to learn the theory and facts enabled one to grow in knowledge and ability faster than had we tried to just figure it all out for ourselves. No, the theory was vital and enjoyable, but without the experiments, I think it would be both boring and in someways, pointless. Science for science's sake, with no real-world application or practise, would be flawed and also I think, a waste of time...?

Well, in the same way, I view faith and life. The 'on paper' version is the theory, and the 'on the road' version is how it all works out in the real world. Many times I find myself mentally working through my faith. Figuring things out, trying to understand how things fit together and what the proper interpretation of Scripture is. All good things and I love them. On top of that I often try to do this very thing with a specific issue in specific situations - trying to reconcile points of view, experiences, Scripture and of course my own beliefs. I'm a strong believer in truth and like to get to the bottom of things, to establish the truth and build a solid faith upon solid foundations. My faith 'on paper' is the sum representation of that. It is what I would hand in if I had to write down my faith and understanding of it. Sometimes though, as with other 'on paper' exercises, be it in life or math or science, endless theory can become tiresome, and when in places no solution seems to present itself or it runs in perpetual circles, the theory can get tiring. This is particularly true when it seems you're losing the point of all this 'paperwork' - "What does any of this mean anyway?"; Ecclesiastes moment anyone? I have often been exhausted and frustrated when trying to reconcile things and am always dealing with conflict and resolution. It's at those times when I find comfort in turning to an 'on the road' faith.

At the start I mentioned three things. It is in those three things that I find a place of balance between these two sides of life and faith. My faith is an interaction between a growing knowledge of the truth and understanding of God and His gospel, and the real experience of that gospel, and relationship with that God, in my own life. To have only a wonderful 'on paper' faith without any real-life application or experience does nothing for me, and leaves me only frustrated with my sinfulness, bad traits, habits and even with the 'paperwork' itself, since whatever intelligence I do have is limited. I don't want a faith that promises so much but delivers little. Paul speaks of words without power, and for me there are times when that is my cry. I can search and search for the right understanding and explanation, or to figure out just what might be the issue in my life that I can deal with it and get past some problems, but sometimes I just need to see some results, some action. I need to see that Christ's death on the cross, His promises of life, and freedom from sin are more than just my own re-explanation of the same events or the product of my own willpower - which fails far too many times. I desire at times just to get the answer not having been able to do all the working out.

I know of some who, it seems, cannot accept that last statement. As far as I can tell it is, for them, something dishonourable or unacceptable to get answers and results without getting it all down 'on paper' first. I know that feeling, and I know the desire to ensure that one is maintaining the truth and not just ignoring facts. At the same time though, I wonder if that attitude isn't a product of pride hiding, perhaps imperceptibly so, beneath a false or shallow pursuit of truth. I imagine it is different for each person and I do not aim to condemn or accuse anyone.

On the other side, whilst the constant need for understanding can get frustrating, particularly when I try too much to depend upon it, that understanding is a great asset and a vital one in life and faith. I cannot imagine a faith that does not strongly feature a growing knowledge and understanding. I think learning, studying, reasoning, understanding and exploring are part of the divine design for humanity. As I said in my previous blog 'A Fellowship of the Word', God has deigned that it is the glory of kings to search out the matters He has concealed. Coming to know and understand His ways and His word are part of what God intends in life with Him. That search, that growth in knowledge and truth is the first of my three things.

The second of my three things, however, is what allows me to live on with, and beyond, the first. To hear the voice of God is what gives me the relationship and and direction I need beyond my own workings out. It is what cuts through the mist when my thinking has started to revolve in circles. It is what gives me the answer and helps me know what to do when nothing definite is clear. It is what lets me know the specific steps to take in situations where details are needed beyond prinicples. Do I hear this voice and get to know God apart from His written word? No. At least, not contrary to it. In fact the two most often work together. Scripture coming to mind at the time I might need it for encouragment or direction, or that voice guiding my study and helping my understanding. There might be some who seek to follow this voice only and not apply their reason - a relationship with God where you never need to understand, only hear. That might sound very spiritual but it is, I think, neglecting of God's ways themselves. To say that one desires to follow God closely yet ignore the greatest and available means provided by God - to know Him and His ways, to study and learn from - is a contradiction. Nevertheless, along with the Word and understanding is the Counselor, the Spirit who "guides into all truth" and who is a companion in and through all things. To hear that voice in all settings and situations and to hear the directions and answers He gives, is the second thing.

The final of the three things is that which utilises both of the others to produce a satisfying and purposeful life. To do the will of God is more and more the only thing that brings any satisfaction in my life. Perhaps one of the worst feelings I experience is that of wasted time, effort or money. The times when I realised that I have spent some resource or other and have in the end accomplished nothing, or worse, something negative, are the times which fill me with the most regret and disgust. More and more I realise the speed at which time is passing, the importance in this life to make the most of the days you have. Their are many pursuits in this life, but of those I have tried, only the hope and promise of being part of an eternal creation is the one that excites and motivates me. When we talk of 'creation' almost all of us are always looking backwards at what ever it was God did many years ago. Yet I think what is more exciting is the thought that God is currently in the process of creation - creating a world, a universe that will last forever. It is a glorious creation, and what makes it all the more amazing is that He asks that I be a part of that creative process. As He works in me, and as I allow Him to do that and follow the direction He gives me, I am working side-by-side with the Master Creator as He works on a universal masterpiece. As I come to know His word then I start to learn and understand His truths and His workings, and also how I can live day by day in a way that honours Him and maximises my contribution to His eternal creation. I touch the being of Earth's most valuable resource - human lives - and God uses me, allows me to work with Him, to take dark and broken lives and transform them into such bright and shining treasures the value of which I cannot begin to count.

As I endeavour to hear His voice and follow Him, then I find the relationship with the Almighty that transforms me in my very being and provides answers to any question or problem I can present or encounter. Hearing the voice of the Spirit within me and living in harmony with the Eternal Creator is the reality of faith 'on the road' as I slowy write and come to understand that eternal faith 'on paper'.

As understanding falters, so God remains, and remains effective. As experience shifts and confounds, so the truth remains and faith speaks out boldly.

A Fellowship of the Word

2005-04-12T18:04:00.000+02:00

Proverbs 22:5 says, "The glory of God is to conceal a matter, to
search a matter out is the glory of kings."

Also, Psalm 119:111 says, "Your statutes are my heritage forever; they
are the joy of my heart."

The two verses quoted above nicely summarise, I think, the proper
attitude towards the word of God. The psalm teaches us that the Word
of God is part of our inheritance, our heritage, something we value
and treasure and something that brings us joy. I know at times it
doesn't always seem that way, but it is nevertheless true. The proverb
excites me, because it suggests to me that rather than have followers
who just sit inactively, it is one of the highest callings of men to
actively search out the truths and secrets of God. To dig deep into it
and bring out those treasures which God has hidden!

I sit here typing this quite excited, because, of the few definite
things I can say I hope for my life, being able to know well the Word
of God and know His secrets - to master the Word (if such a thing is
possible) is one of the greatest.

As I was praying a few days ago I started to feel this same excitement
about the Word of God an idea came into my mind. It occurred to me
that it would be an amazing thing if this journey of discovery and
hunt for the truths, secrets and person of God in the word, could be
done with others. To have an interchange with others who, likeminded,
could say that the word is their joy and their heritage, and find
themselves priviledged as kings digging into its mysteries.

I do not know if any of you have had the same feeling or desire but as
I started to think about this my excitement grew and I wondered if
such a thing might be possible. To form a group of individuals who
love the word of God and would love to together search out some of its
mysteries. To form a fellowship who would come together to take on
this challenge and calling of kings and experience the shared joy of
its discoveries.

And so, I have a proposal:

That, such a group be formed, who would enjoy searching through the
Scriptures with one another, and enjoying a fellowshipping in the
word. Questions, and subjects could be put forth, ideas and thoughts,
readings and experiences shared.

Anyone interested, drop me an email, the first 'dig' has just begun.

On being happy

2005-04-07T18:36:00.000+02:00

I'd heard it before, and now just recently I've heard it again, and so I offer it up. If you're looking to be happier or have a happy life, before you do something, ask yourself this question - whether or not doing this will be fun or bring me pleasure, will I be happy after I have done it?

Jesus on MTV

2005-04-06T18:00:00.000+02:00

In this recent article MTV takes a look at two lead rock artists who have "found Jesus". Emails abounded when the news broke about the Korn guitarist. I'm curious to see what happens here and how the media, especially MTV, continues to cover it.

Walking in Open Fields and Flowers - Reprise

2005-03-25T21:35:00.000+01:00

I feel rather honoured. A friend of mine who goes by the name Tringard has taken my post, 'Walking in open Fields and Flowers', and turned it into Haiku. I post it here below. Thanks Trin.

Leave the beaten path
Let my feet guide at their will
Perfect summer stroll

Enjoying nature
A hidden lesson is sought:
True lasting beauty

Spied across the field
Beauty dancing in the wind
What is its secret?

A simple flower
Smiles with flowers, wind, and sun
Like others I've seen...

Insight dawns clearly:
It sees not nature about,
Dances all for HIM

Originally found here

The Interview Game

2005-03-07T19:44:00.000+01:00

Mr. Rattigan from The Grace Pages invited me to play the Interview Game. Simple enough concept - he asks questions, I answer.

Time to sit on the couch, wear my heart on my sleeve and open my brain for public inspection - lovely!

Interview questions:

1. What did you dream about as a child?

2. You've been living in Arizona for a few years now. What five things
do you most miss about England?

3. What's the most unexpected place you've ever found God?

4. Which character from fiction are you?

5. What's the one question you were hoping I'd ask, and how would you answer it?

Answers:

Oh and before I get going I'd just like to say that I'd love to know why you chose to ask these specific questions sir - if that's allowed!

1 - Well, apart from all the usual things one might imagine a young boy dreams about - inspired by movies and stories, I very often did have the feeling that I was born in the wrong century. I think I could well have settled in the 1500-1700's - but maybe that was due to Treasure Island and the Monkey Island series of computer games. Adventure. I've always wanted adventure in my life. In fact I still do. If I had to choose between a comfortable and pleasant life with a nice house, car and job, with all the trimmings, and a life of greater excitement and adventure - a life of travel, filled with interesting stories I will always choose the latter.

However, I think more to the point of your question, did you ever see an 80's cartoon which I think went by the name of 'The Mysterious City of Gold'? They used to fly around in a big golden falcon. Well that golden aircraft was just one part of a rather large and long imaginary saga that filled my mind in youth. It followed no particular plot and changed from futuristic to present and back again often. Ever evolving some parts of the story would remain - flying around in a plane/ship in the form of a golden bird, several constant companions, and a few other details - but the 'enemies', situations and locations would change. My part would of course be a lead, hero character, though I didn't so much have one specific quest but instead would find myself responding to different problems or threats as they presented themselves. Sometimes overcoming personal challengers, other times helping others or rescuing them. Some themes would often appear - but I'll leave those for another time.

I had the real-life habit that whenever I entered a place or spent much time in one location I would scope-out all the angles, analyse the place for exits, entrances etc. I remember once sitting on the loo in my aunt's house and thinking, now if a fire broke out in the house and the stairs and landing were blocked, how would I get out? I could give you the answer but I'll save it. The point is, a lot of that stuff would factor into my imaginings, and so, many real-life locations would feature and be filled out in my imaginations. The details for many things were quite intricate and I could describe many things to you but I'll save the space.

Now I come to think about it, some things come to mind that I'm reluctant to share. They feel kind of sacred. That makes me think, perhaps my little imaginary world is a place where I meet with God in some sense, or at least, with myself. A place where I can know who I am and relate to God and the world in the way which I would also want to. Perhaps even more than just fantasy it is in some way training. That is, reinforcing ideas in my mind, encouraging myself, and figuring out the best to be or to do things. The imagination is a powerful thing, and can be amazingly freeing and quite useful in helping to move beyond oneself. Christians I think need to make more use of it. Anyway, I hope that answered it, on to question two.

2 - What do I miss about England? A pertinent question and I think only those who have moved away and lived for a while in foreign places can understand. I could pull out a million cliches to reinforce that point but suffice to say that truly I did not realise how much I would miss until I got here and started missing them. My top five?

A) - Open space with the right to roam. In England, whether at college in Nantwich or at home in Pendle I would often get alone by going for a walk. Sometimes it was just around the streets (usually at night), though often it was out in the open - fields, hills, a garden. I've noticed that there's something about me that comes alive when I get outside. I can wake up and feel very down or under pressure, or even guilty; also far from God, but when I get outside it seems it only takes breeze or the ambient sound of nature or 'real life' and I come to life. Everything I was feeling gets blown away and I can think clearly and feel close to God. Often I like to crouch down and feel and smell the earth, or stones or a tree. Life can be too clinical sometimes, too man-made. Just to get outside and start focusing on little things - the things people walk over and never notice, it takes me to a place where I feel myself, and I have the utmost faith in God. I can and do have that in Tucson, but when the summer gets hot then it gets hard to be out as often or for as long as I like. What's more, it seems that the real 'open places' are so far away; you have to drive for a while to get to them and so I semi-regularly feel confined. I miss being able to get out and roam. To just walk on the spur of the moment and know that distance nor climate are going to be a hindrance.

B) Following on - the closeness of things. Here things are so spread out you have to drive everywhere. The thing I enjoyed about England is that I could walk to get anywhere I liked in town. It might take me a while at times, but unless I was in a desperate rush, I didn't mind. In fact, even if I was, I sometimes savoured the challenge of having to run and get there on time. There's something to me about being on foot that I enjoy. Here in Tucson too much I feel like I go from building to car to building to car.

C) On a shallower note - commercial-free or commercial-light TV! I've come to the place where I don't watch much TV anymore, but one of the things that struck me most when arriving here was the amount of commercials, their length, and placement. There are so many of them it gets very annoying watching a programme here. You get ten minutes of programme then five minutes of commercials. At least that's how it feels. Then of course they'll edit the programmes, particularly movies, 'for time'. Essentially that means, we'll cut our what we don't think is vital to the movie so we can throw in some more commercials. Finally, to talk about a pet-peeve, I remember the vast disbelief I was in after my first experience of watching a programme, the end approaches, it's coming to a close, and then they go to commercial. "Okay, fine." So I sat there enduring the commercials until the final programme segment came on, only to find that I had in fact seen the whole programme and they returned only to run the credits! They put commercials between then end of a show and its credits! Bring back the BBC - please. Even they acknowledge that the Beeb put out better stuff than the money-grabbing companies here. So the TV licence can be a pain, maybe even unfair - believe me - pay it proudly, because for what UK residents pay they get programming that is truly the best in the world. You'll double maybe triple, maybe even more over here for cable and the best they have to offer and it absolute.....rubbish. Take a look in the DVD sections at bookstores or CD stores here and then go to the TV section and what will you find? Tons of BBC programming. Right, rant over.

D) The food; but let me put this carefully. I enjoy much of the food here in terms of variety and good meals, however, there are two aspects of food that I miss. The first is simple, certain dishes. I miss fish and chips, I miss savoury pies like meat and potato or cheese and onion. I miss things like Lancashire hot-pot or Yorkshire puddings. I miss lamb (here in Tucson lamb is more expensive and harder to find than beef - in England the reverse is true). I also miss the chocolate - as you travel west in the world things get sweeter and a number of things here - like Hershey's chocolate is just sickeningly sweet. I also miss other desserts like bread and butter pudding, and custard. More than just nostalgia however, I think there is a basis for my preference and that is the second aspect. I honestly feel that food in England was of a better quality and healthier. If not that, then the attitude towards food in the UK was different and made for a healthier lifestyle. My reasons are thus - with the large distances over here extra preservatives have to be added. Due to the sweeter tastes, more sugar is added. Also, because of the stronger 'free-market' or more money-driven society, the lowest price rules, and therefore poorer quality food is more available - chemically enhanced 'fake food' - which fills the market at lower rungs. In England, with tighter government control and a smaller nation, I feel people just ate better. I have no actual evidence for any of this, other than the fact that Americans are generally fatter, and then my own experience with the food and lifestyle.

E) Well I hope I'm not sounding overly critical of the USA. I do enjoy living here and there are lots of things I appreciate. Finding a specific fifth point has been quite hard, perhaps I'd just have to say the general climate and scenery of the North. A friend of mine sent me a gift book a little while ago. It's a photo journal called Forgotten Landscape by Alistair Lee. In the introduction he talks of how he was raised in the Burnley and Pendle area and then left to travel the world and record his travels on film. Eventually he came to realise that though he hadn't known it growing up, he had been privileged to grow up in some of the most beautiful scenery in the world, yet forgotten by many. It's amazing how true that is, and how much I'd love to go back and see it all again. In fact, when I get the chance to return, God willing, I would like to hike at least the highlight of the Pennine Way, as well as just wander about all the places I used to love and record it all with my own camera. Then also to catch the places I missed even though they were on my own doorstep - more of Scotland and then Ireland for the first time.

3 - A hard question. I've always liked that I've had the attitude to try and find God in anything and every situation. I think it's something instilled in me from my younger days - a sense of respect and learning. If pressed to answer though I'd have to volunteer two places. The first would be, in the world. It seems that God isn't limited to using only those labeled Christian. I can find Him in many places and teaching through many things. I suppose that although the church stamp might not be found on everything, God's fingerprint is rarely absent. It's been tricky at times as I've pondered the out-working of 'being in the world but not of it', but I'm enjoying the vastness of it all and the fact that God is vaster still. Thinking about this a little more, I recall CS Lewis' The Four Loves. In speaking of the love of nature he explains that nature does not in fact teach anyone anything, the same thing can say different things to different people. Nature simply helps to fill up the meaning of those things we have already been taught, it helps bring definition. I might put it that things like nature and some encounters in life and the world don't necessarily teach us anything but bring out that which is already in us. So for the person in whom God dwells, God can be found in many places, yet for those in whom He is not present, God is absent in much of the world. Perhaps the truth is that God is never wholly absent from any of us, being made in His image and bearing the fingerprint of His creation, we all carry something of God around with us, and so it is simple the extent to which we allow God to dwell in us is the extent to which we will find in other places.

The second, and more personally, is, 'at the end of my sin'. That is, growing up in church with all the usual inputs I had the knowledge that Jesus died to take away my sin, and I accepted that, "Thank you Jesus", but never thought much about it. I mean He's God and God's nice so why wouldn't He die for me since He loves me. As years past my faith grew and I became more serious about it all, growing in my knowledge of the Bible and God and to an extent learning how to answer people's questions about the existence of God and creation/evolution. In relating to God though it was always seemed to be a give and take between the both of us. Later in life I went through a bit of a dark period and coming out of it I started to realise it had been more my taking and His giving. I struggled for a long while about my place in God's plans after it all. It felt a lot like my friendship with God would now be more a toleration on His merciful part. I was coming to the point of resigning myself to that end, and just towing the line in a place of voluntary service to Him, and right there, at the end of my sin, I found God waiting. It turns out the end of my sin was more the middle, but every time I do find myself at an 'end' of sin, I've still never failed to find God waiting there, and something about that always surprises me.

4 - Which character from fiction am I? You say that as though I am only one! :) I have to admit to having drawn upon fictional characters for a lot of my identity, especially when younger. From clothes to speech and style it's true that the fictional has impacted who I am. My cowboy boots and ripped jeans owe an allegiance to a certain X-man, whilst my attitude in some surprising problem circumstances often adheres to the modus operandi of a silver-screen adventurer best summed-up, "I don't know, I'm making this up as I go along!" My 21st birthday cake featured a highly-recognisable 'S' (thank you Rowena!) and if you flick through some family albums you'll find a very young me dressed in blue and red happy to be high-up on the ceiling.

Over the past few years I've come to realise that what I know about women and how I treat them is really nothing much of use, and some of it actually damaging - probably because some of the more influential figures in my life were movie charmers and not good husbands. A reality that I lament and have been and am at pains to correct. However, if again I have to pin it down I'll have to refer you to a currently popular television programme. It's amazing to me how often the family has sat down to watch the latest episode in the strange lives of the residents of Smallville and afterwards have walked away pondering how it can be, or what it means, that my life seems to echo that of the lead character. Adding to the surprise was the affirmation of my friend, who, after I had shared this with him, said that he had thought the very same thing, as had his wife, on several occasions. It's obviously not going to be a complete parallel, but the number of times that the life of Smallville's own unrecognised alien has mirrored my own - the sentiments resounding - lead me to believe that to answer your question, I am Clark Kent.

5 - Ah, now this is the hard question. Hard because when I asked to participate I really had no specific questions on my mind. I think though, I can offer something that will provide what you might be looking for. Ever since you started blogging sir, I've followed your writings with some interest. I've often been challenged, some times amused and occasionally a little offended. Always though I've been moved to think. Knowing you more personally than some, and having had the chance to know you in the flesh I've pondered your move to more liberal thinking and theology. Were I reading the writings of some person unknown to me, I have to say that I think there's a chance that I'd dismiss them as just another liberal's musings. Perhaps if I gave the writings chance enough your content would have given me cause for return, but I don't know. My challenge then has been how to reconcile your move to a place of thinking I would not myself want to follow with who I know you to be as a person and what I know of God. Some, maybe most, would easily label me as 'just another conservative'. More and more though I've found myself sat in the middle trying to bridge the gap between left and right.

I don't recall if I blogged about it before but unity has been a subject of increasing importance to me as I've moved through Scripture and looked at the Church. Christ seems to me less concerned about one's theological accuracy as one's love for, and devotion to, Him and one's love for, and service to, other people. Far from trying to unite everyone's thinking and theology, increasingly it is my heart to try and understand where people are coming from and then to figure how we can best respond to one another in love and work with one another in being and advancing the kingdom of God. Whatever position a person holds I find that everyone holds it because they find that it is the best, most truthful position. That being the case, I find that Christ's words to those in a 'better position' than others ought to bear with those less able or privileged than they. What's more, it behooves us to seek how best to love and serve those around us no matter their status. I find His language even stronger concerning those within His body.

So here I find myself in the middle, hearing the truth from both sides and finding difficulties in each, and trying to be honest and faithful. It can be a bit of a lonely position at times though, and I do now and again feel a bit vulnerable wandering between two camps both secure in their positions and unfortunately often hostile to any who might come 'preaching' their opposing virtues. On the side of the conservatives I find a lot of fear, on the side of the liberals, a lot of hurt. I of course find spatterings of other things too, maybe I'll post something about it some day. Returning to my vulnerability though, like someone who is trying to conceal something I'm often a little sensitive to someone pointing things out - and so to answer your question, I think I expected some question regarding Conservatism or liberalism. However, you specifically asked for a question I'd hope for. I suppose I'd hope to hear something that might give me a clue that something I've said to you matters, and that maybe I've made a difference. On the flip side of hope though there is fear, and concerning that, maybe I'd fear a question that in some way tried to reveal some hole or other in my theology, or that disregarded me. How would I answer that? Well I hope I'd be able to avoid the temptation to just react with the opposite defensive/aggressive stance and instead just be honest about what I know and what I don't. What I hope and what I feel. To be brave enough when I have to challenge or contradict, wise enough when I don't have an answer, and gentle and loving throughout.

Thanks.

Assessing Multiculturalism

2005-03-01T18:35:00.000+01:00

I realise that this post is going to walk a fine line and could by some be perceived to be racist, xenophobic or some other such intolerant view. For what it's worth, I assure you that such is not my aim nor my viewpoint.

An article came to my attention today. Having read it I also found another, a little more dated, from the BBC. They concern the practise of 'honour killings'. For those who have not come across that term before, 'honour killings' can be described as murders committed to preserve the 'honour' of a family or individual. That is, in a number of eastern nations there exists the concept that certain acts - illicit sex for example - can bring dishonour upon a family. If an individual does something deemed to bring dishonour to the family then the accepted method of 'cleansing' is for the family to kill the individual 'responsible'. I add inverted commas in that last sentence because if you take a look at a lot of the reported cases, the victims were young girls or women who were killed because they were raped - 'responsible' for bringing dishonour to the family. The practise is common in a number of Eastern, Middle-Eastern and Eastern European cutures and nations, and along with the many stories of individual murders there is also the fact that such practises are supported by law in some places. I shall not go into further detail of the outworkings and stories of this practise, suffice to say that it is an upsetting and highly immoral practise that reveals twisted societal values and an abased sense of honour.

Now, many awful things happen in this world, and yes we all need to work against them, but that is not the point of my writing here. I am writing today because this practise found commonly in the east is now proving to be a growing, and in fact, an already large, problem in Europe. The first article, highlights the problem in Berlin - six possible killings in the past four months, and the older BBC article, takes a wider perspective, looking at stories throughout Europe.

Thinking about how an Eastern-world problem came to exist and grow in Western Europe brought me to consider whether there is a problem with the glorified 'multiculturalism'. Specifically, that there is a big problem with the notion that all cultures are equal and that we must be more 'tolerating' and less 'judgemental'. Note that I find myself once again using inverted commas. I think I could do a post or two on semantics and the changing vocabulary of the West. Anyway, as I said at the start, some readers may have take great offence at the notion that I can, or should be able to, pass judgement on other cultures and brand some better than others. My question in return would be, "Why?" It seems to me whilst it is good to have diversity in all areas of life the ever-growing "live and let live"philosophy is going to result in a lot of dead people.

The London Telegraph put it this way,

Karl Mollenhauer, a Berlin police psychologist, blamed Islamic religious leaders for failing to address the problem. Last week, he also suggested that the German authorities were at fault for failing to intervene in case they were branded racist.

"We have silently allowed a parallel society to develop because of fears that we would sow hatred by talking openly about its injustices. The women have paid the price for this," he said. Serap Cileli, a German-born Turkish woman who finds homes for women threatened by "honour murders", said: "If I criticise the Islamic community over these problems, I find that the Germans criticise me for being anti-foreigner. At the same time, many Turks say I am fouling my own nest."

What a nation or a society can do about such things I don't know, but surely something needs to be done? Especially when one considers that there are signs of this problem not stopping any time soon. Those who hold such beliefs are also seeing fit to pass them on to the generations that follow them. Talking of one particular murder in Berlin the Telegraph says,

"Shocking as that is, the reactions of some Turkish immigrant children at a school whose main gates are yards from the scene of the shooting has caused even graver concern.

Asked by teachers what they thought of the murder, several 13-year-old pupils are said to have implied that they thought Mrs Sürücü had "earned" her death. "Well, she lived like a German, didn't she?" remarked one. Mrs Sürücü got married in Turkey at the age of 15 but returned with her son to her birthplace, Berlin, more than five years ago."

Some have said that Europe has two possible futures - become Islamic or face civil war. I don't know that I'd go so far, however, I think it's clear that a society cannot maintain an all-embracing, passive attitude and remain free from such dangers. Not in the face of cultures where moves for reform in this area promoted these responses:

"Islamists and conservatives opposed to the new law [harsher penalties for 'honour killings'] said it would encourage vice and destroy social values."

"[sterner] punishments will violate religious traditions and damage the fabric of Jordan's conservative society, where men have the final say."

I'm not sure I know what the answer is, but I think a number of current attitudes need careful assessment starting with 'tolerant multiculturalism'.

Walking in Open Fields and Flowers

2005-02-15T14:51:00.000+01:00

I was walking one day in fields far away, heading somewhere I knew not but without worry or concern, for the voice of nature was singing and its song enwrapped me and called to me as fellow creation to join in its song. Far from alone that day, the wind and sun were keeping me closer company than that which I had left behind and the day was bright and early.

This solitary path took me along ways that filled my eyes with myriad sights, and introduced me to many of that family of wonders. Often times I would linger a moment to watch them as they humbly went about their given tasks with contagious joy and splendour unequalled. The heavens have their spectacles; of distant stars, deep and hued clouds and undiscovered spheres, but I marveled as I considered that no amount of eager watching through a glass or grand voyages of exploration in complicated machines could ever carry me to these scenes of quiet glory; reached only by a patient and solitary walk into ‘insignificant’ places. I stayed a while in that good company before leaving them to their quietly spoken work and kept on my way.

The day was passing on and it felt good to be walking the path of one who knows no destination but the always-moving but never-leaving sun. Roads and highways have their use, but the straightness, protection and direction of those roads had often proved deceptive. I had discovered that contrary to appearances the Vast Open lacked neither protection nor direction, and what was more, there was no path so freeing or so true both to me and to itself.

During my days of walking I had come across many flowers. They decorated every field and knoll; some were solitary whilst others were always found in number. In appearance they could be plain or colourful, exotic or dull. On early, misty mornings it could seem that there might be nothing more breathtaking than discovering a small copse hiding a community of bluebells; on a sunny day nothing more common than a grassy field sprayed with daisies. Depending upon my mood and their appearance my appreciation of them would vary between extremes. At their most beauteous they would cost me a breath, at their least I might not give them a second thought and trample them under foot as I walked – colourful but insignificant markings taken for granted. This day however, I was to come upon a flower that would teach me something to stay with me the rest of my walking days. I was walking just as I had always done, if not with even a little more joy and freedom than usual, and had passed many flowers without taking any particular interest in looking at them. Perhaps because there are so many of them, or perhaps because their beauty seems so obvious, they had held no significant place in my thoughts. Making my way up a grassy hill and enjoying a light breeze under blue skies which were entertaining a small fellowship of clouds there had been little distraction in these open fields. My mind was occupied with the memory of the previous encounter with wonders that seemed to me to be of a singular nature. Eventually I topped the fell and as my feet stood upon the brow my eyes eagerly surveyed the land below. Watching for what might be ahead. The sun continued to shine above and the day remained bright and cheerful. After some moments of windswept consideration and expectant imagination my mind turned back to the matter of walking and with it turned my eyes to the slope by which I would begin my descent into the valley. It was at that moment when I noticed her; a small and delicate but beautiful white flower blowing in the gentle breeze.

It was her dance with the wind that caught my attention and for moments, lengthened by the magic of the sight, I watched captivated as this lone flower swayed unpretentiously on the hill top, seemingly unaware of my presence. Her dance was gentle and simple but elegant, and her appearance was unadorned but pure white. The sun was shining down light upon her and as she danced with the wind in the light of that radiance it seemed to me that she began to glow. I spoke before of sharing smiles with wonders as I watched them go out about their business beneath the sun. This flower smiled no less, in fact it seemed that her smile was defining, everything about her was open expression of joyful being and rather than her work being before the sun, her dance was instead for him.

I don’t remember how long I lingered there. Just watching the flower dance gave me a sense of awe, peace and exuberant joy all that the same time; I wanted to shout but couldn’t and was happy to stay that way. Eventually though, the sun moved on and the flower began to end her dance and rest instead in her place at the top of the hill. I could not linger there myself forever, nor did it feel I could, should I have had the desire. So I took one last look at the flower and offered a smile, but she did not notice, for her smiles were not directed towards me. That evening I recalled that which I had seen and in the glow of that flower given from the sun I saw beauty manifested. In her dance I saw surrender, love, and obedience. In her smile I saw joy. I had left that place as the light was fading and headed down into the new valley to find a place to rest. I would walk on many days after that, sometimes returning to the valley, but always remembering that day, the first day I began to appreciate flowers, and in appreciating flowers, I learned how to appreciate the sun.

Studies in Masculinity

2005-02-07T17:02:00.000+01:00

Over the past week a few different things have come up all leading me to spend some time thinking about the nature of masculinity.

First of all, I was trawling the web looking for something - I forget what - when I came across a curious question. If an alien were to come to Earth and was presented with a naked man, a naked woman, a skirt and a pair of trousers and then told to match the clothing with the gender, how would he answer?

:) Now isn't that an interesting question...a question perhaps for Bravehearts?

When I first stumbled across that website I thought it a hoax, but upon reading through the entire article on the opening page I couldn't help but see the reason behind the author's argument. The only reason most men wouldn't wear a kilt or other MUG (male unbifurcated garment) is because trousers=masculine. All of a sudden I found my viewpoint changed quite considerably. Before my encounter with the Kilt Men I would probably have reacted with surprise and maybe a snigger at the sight of a guy wandering around in a kilt, and thought him quite odd. If it had been a more modern kilt, absent of tartan, I might even have questioned his morals or even sexuality. Now however, my reaction is more likely to be one of a smile with admiration and congratulation. I've even considered trying one myself; becoming one of the ranks of the Bravehearts!

Thinking about that, it made me wonder about the way in which my concept of masculinity is formed. More specifically, I considered how something as trivial as current fashion trends had influenced my understanding of what was male and female.

Then yesterday I was sat with my friend and co-worker Matt as we did our weekly hour-long radio show. For those of you outside the USA, yesterday, February 6th was SuperBowl Sunday, a very big sporting event that has pulled in more television viewers than any other single program - ever. That being the case, Matt and I provided our 'SuperBowl alternative', at one point bringing up the question of masculinity. If any of the US sports can be called a masculine sport it would have to be American Football. Where there are female leagues for Baseball and Basketball, there are far fewer for 'football', and although it might not be PC, I don't think I would be amiss in suggesting that the majority of viewers of the superbowl, especially those interested in the game itself, were male. Now why is that?

Perhaps it's the very physical nature of the sport - a lot of hard tackling and aggression along with involved tactical strategy - aspects more common to the male gender than female I would venture. What occurred to me though is that a many men reinforce and express their masculinity through physical or mental prowess. On the field the players are able to do that by playing hard and well. For those not quite up to the professional physical or strategic game, there are always the amateur leagues, and if that's still to much, or 'you're just too old', then one can resort to knowledge of the game - statistics, information. Finally, for those who have not the ability or the will, there is the simple act of remembering the past or daydreaming in the present.

Suffice to say, I think it's true that men need to feel that they are good at something. That even if the'yre not the best in the world or nation, they are at least the best in their field in their local area or family, or even just good at something and a valuable asset. For a man to feel like he isn't good at anything or of no use, is crippling. A man can feely ugly, unloveable, immoral or misunderstood just don't make him believe that is he not in any way useful, or that he is not worthy of, or holding, respect (whether it's true or not).

As the radio show progressed, a memory came back to me from the school playground. Happy mornings during 'snack-time' or lunch, where we'd gather together to play games of various kinds. On this occasion in history the game of choice was Thundercats! It wasn't a game of any particular strategy, but rather a chance for some role-playing along the lines of the classic 80's cartoon series. Minutes prior we were just children in school, but within moments we became Lion-O, Panthro, Tygra or one of the others. Each person chose their favourite character - or the closest to their favourite character if someone else of 'higher school-yard rank' had chosen your initial preference. That particular game I found myself left with...Cheetara...the girl. My heart momentarily sank - but only momentarily - for the playground is no place to show insecurity, weakness or disappoint. No, a challenge had been made to my young masculinity - I had been given Cheetara...the girl...something had to be done. Quickly I opened my mouth and made my 'genuine' satisfaction known at being elected to play as the FASTEST of the Thundercats. Girl or not, it didn't matter, gender was not an issue. As all guys know, speed is a worthy trait and deserving of respect, and it would be in that representation of speed that I would display my prowess.

As I recalled all this something occurred to me. It was doubtless that the others there, mostly guys, knew the source of my outburst and the fact that the only reason no-one else wanted this 'prize' character was because she was still a girl - fast or not. The school playground can be a very painful and cruel place, but none was shown that day and I wondered why. The answer that came to me is, I think, something most can relate to. Safety in numbers. If there's a cake out and I take a piece and eat, and then someone finds out I'm in trouble. However, if there are two or three or more of us and we all take some, then if we get into trouble, somehow it doesn't seem so bad, because we were all in it together.

I think the reason the guys didn't turn on me that day is because we've all had a piece of the cake before, or if not, we know we may have be served a piece later. The challenge to male prowess and respect has come before and will come again and defeat on this point is not acceptable. It doesn't even bear thinking about. Such challenges are far too serious a matter, even for the usual playground politics and one-up-manship. No guy wants to lose in that regard and most would not wish that loss on someone else whom they did not hate. So, when a play must be made to maintain respect, even a weak one, the play stands, sometimes is even reinforced, but it's never to be challenged. It is a common enemy.

Okay, so some of this in tongue-in-cheek, but whether it's how we dress, the ways we express our prowess or other 'physical matters', it's startling how often a man's sense of masculinity can hang by so trivial a thread. Extreme feminists might find such a fact amusing, and point to what they might call the essential weakness of men or masculinity. For me however, it begs a question, "I know within myself that masculinity must be more than that, more than cars and sports and size and style, so if it is not these, what is it?"

That men have a need to feel useful and to feel able, worthy of respect, is I think, the first clue to the answer. What's more it's an answer that needs to be sought. I get sad today when I see so many people who are unable to distinguish 'equal' from 'the same'. Because of this, they move down their road trying to extinguish the differences between the genders in the name of 'equality' because they are unable to maintain 'equality' and 'difference' at the same time. "The truth", however, "will out" and I think those societies and individuals who try to live their lives as androgenous will find their lives not what they hoped they would be. Tolerance and equality it seems to me, are best expressed and enjoyed when done in a celebration of differences. This though can only be done when what we are celebrating is reality and not a farce or a mistaken notion.

As a Christian male I believe that a lot of the answer is to be found in an exploration of the concept that we are created in the image of God, and also of the purposes God had in creating two genders in the first place. However as Lewis said, though nature cannot teach us anything she does a wonderful job of helping to show what things mean. That being the case, there will be much joy and clarity had as the issue is explored in the reality fo life in this world, as we apply the teachings and purposes of God to the question.

Perhaps as we go this exploration will take us down the roads of nobility, honour, work, success, and strength, but for now I refer you back to Kiltmen and the Bravehearts. Men willing to challenge some of the superficial notions about masculinity and move it beyond the realms of contemporary style. These masculinity of these men must go beyond style, and lie within something deeper. Whether you ever wear a kilt or not the question you must ask is, "Is my masculinity tied up with my trousers?"

The more things change...

2005-02-03T16:54:00.000+01:00

...the more they stay the same. Or so the saying goes.

Pondering a few recent forums and events I began thinking about how we view the world and what we expect from it. I think many of us (most of us?) look at this wonderful new world and society in which we live, with brave new ideals, and we see it as a vastly different place to the ancient world, medieval world etc.

We look at technological developments, medicinal improvements, improvements in areas of social equality in justice, and see 'how far we've come'. We also look forward to the way we hope to see the world in the future, even more 'advanced' and 'better' than it is. I wonder though just how much really has changed. Human nature I think has remained very much the same as ever.

Perhaps one event that got me thinking was the current war in Iraq. I considered how things might be if this war was being fought years ago. Before the mass media, in times where everyone didn't always know what was going on. I wonder what war was like then. What happened then. We sit here now in a position where we are more informed than ever before, and I wonder if we believe our vantage point to be higher than it really is. We think we're near to the reality because of all we see and hear, but I wonder if that truly is the case.

We look at decisions of government in these matters and we find ourselves able to relax back in our chairs whilst pointing out errors, mistakes, and the way things should be going. We judge our goverments for making war in ways which governments have made war throughout history. Actually, they make war now in much cleaner and more accountable ways than ever before, and yet I think we expect a more sanitised approach to war and other things than perhaps is realistic. No matter how 'nice' or 'righteous' we can try to make war, or even just life, I doubt whether it will ever be what we expect in so many ways. This then makes me wonder whether our expectation or notions of reality or humanity are in fact correct or wise.

We stand now and look back on history and proclaim our superiority, and we so easily condemn the actions of history that have founded the world in which we now live. We deny the reality of, and lessons about, humanity that those things might teach us, even if they are in fact very, very dark. Perhaps though, what we should realise is that the world is dark. Humanity is dark. To pretend that such is not the truth is to deceive ourselves and live in and dream of a dream-world.

I'm not trying to put together a clever defense of the war in Iraq to add to the long list of arguments for and against that issue. I'm just wondering whether we in this age of mass communication are not deceiving ourselves. It's as if we are people living in some sort of clean, organised and sanitised hospital, trying to establish such as the way life and the world should be. Yet in outside those reinforced doors, bleached floors, florescent lights, security monitors, intercom systems, drugs, and schedules there world rolls on the same as it ever has been. Wide, open, a place of contrasts, dark and light, beauty and horror, unexpected, offering both unparalled violence and peace, harmony and discord.

I think the world is a darker and messier place than many of us want to believe, and than some want to accept, and perhaps more pertinently, I think human beings are darker, much darker.

We want war to end, we want violence and suffering to go away, but upon what basis are our hopes and beliefs founded?

Respectfully.